Elementary

No!  Not The Television Series
I know I normally bang on about this on all too many occasions, yet today is not one of those.  I mean, of course, the table of elements - the Periodic Table.

Too small to cheat from!

     The last time Conrad was up to date with this there were about 110 entries.  How far along are we now?  Hmmm.  118, "ununoctium", which is a bit of a mouthful.  It doesn't outstay it's welcome, these things decay almost as soon as they're made, like a baked cake except quicker.
     Here an update = 118 was named in November of last year and is now known as "Oganesson".
     I also used to be quite adept at naming the first few lines of said elements in the table.  Shall we have a go now?  Let's see -
     Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine, neon, sodium, magnesium, aluminium, silicon, phosphorus, sulphur, chlorine, argon, potassium, calcium, scandium, titanium, vanadium, chrome, manganese, iron, cobalt, nickel, copper, zinc, gallium, germanium, arsenic, selenium, bromine, krypton, rubidium, strontium, yttrium, zirconium, niobium, molybdenum, technetium, ruthenium, rhenium, palladium, silver, cadmium, indium, tin - and that's when I start to miss stuff out, although I did get iodine and xenon.
     Your humble scribe can also recall that phosphorus pentoxide is lethal at one part in twenty million.  Toxic stuff!

A Late M8
M83, that is - my hilarious nickname for the French, which came about - which came about - alright, I can't remember, but it was amusing at the time.

The Count of Monte Cristo

Did not invent Bisto.

Nor did he invent onion gravy.

But he did found the Swiss Navy.

     As this is a clerihew, it may be partially correct, partially incorrect or a whole mess of lies.   Probably the last.

I Got Asked For A Poem
Janice was guest-editing the newsletter at work and asked if I could provide a bit of senseless doggerel.  Well, you are looking at a collection of senseless doggerel, so it wasn't going to be much of a stretch.
     "Today," she added. 
     "As soon as possible," she further clarified.
     No pressure, then!  I decided to go for the theme "International Women's Day".

Let global femmes all shout “Hip Hooray!”

Apparently it was International Women’s Day

This celebrates how wonderful girls are;

Ladies, it seems, were born under a lucky star

Don’t expect us men to throw confetti –

We’re lucky starless; Days we do not getti.

Instead we have to – oh, rule the world;

Keep the jobs all manned (NEVER “girled”);

Play all football, rugby and cricket games,

As these are out of bounds to dames;

Drink all the beer, pick all the fights –

Girls can’t do this because of tights –

We do admit where ladies are superior,

This comes of their cunningly-crafted interior.

Because I don’t think there’s a man on Earth

Who would willingly opt to endure childbirth.

     There you have it, Current Affairs if not politics.  So sorry.
     I did another pome today to celebrate my last day in work, but I think one lot of deathless prose is quite sufficient for today.
     This lot!  This is the deathless - O I give up.

Astronomer Heather Couper.  Yes please!

Chapel Island
This is another in our occasional series of tidal islands around the periphery of the Allotment of Eden.  I hope you find these as interesting as I do - particularly if you live far inland or a country completely land-locked.  Today - Chapel Island, which is situated in Morecambe Bay.  Art?

How to get there

     It is made plain that trying to get there is a potentially dangerous occupation unless you know what you're doing, where you're going, when to go and how to get there. Morecambe Bay is notorious for quicksands, so if you find yourself with an irresistible urge to visit Chapel Island, do please be careful - we can't afford to lose readers!

The tide is in