Hark, Hark - It's About The Shark

No, We Are Not Talking High-End Here
Put away thoughts of "Jaws" or "Deep Blue Sea" and any similar bigger-budgeted cinematic excursions, for we are talking of the <ahem> lower-financed end of the film spectrum here.

NO!  Art, I will throw you TO the sharks -

     Just as you never know what to find if you turn over a stone - earth, yes, but are there going to be a whole lot of creepy-crawlies or a hidden passage to Hades under there as well? - just so was Conrad unprepared for the sheer volume of films that crowd the lower end of the budget film spectrum, that are to do with sharks.  Who knew that "Sharknado" would be such an artistic inspiration?  The box-office for these films is somewhat obscure because they don't get a cinematic release, but their outlay is in the region of $1 - 2 million dollars.  Since they are now up to number 4 SOMEBODY is watching them.  After all, you don't reward failure.

You gotta have a sneaking regard for a film that pits flying sharks against chainsaws

     Nor did the world realise that there were so many auteurs out there who simply thirsted for the chance to tell the world their stories about MUTANT ZOMBIE POODLES!

Er -

     Only joking.  Stories about sharks, of course.
     You have, as a small sample example, "Sand Sharks", "Snow Sharks", "2-Headed Shark Attack", "Mega-shark vs. Crocosaurus", "Atomic Shark", "3-Headed Shark Attack" and "Laser-Shark vs. Navy SEALs"*.  There was that shot I got of a shark in orbit about to attack an astronaut, but I don't know the title and, frankly, it may have been an hallucination.
     Now, I suspect that the <ahem again> 'plot' for many of the films above is merely the title fleshed-out a little, and that the whole inspiration of the film is indeed, a catchy title that one of the Asylum team dreamt up.

Not a proper shark, so not in that list.
However, there is a whole GENRE of these films!

     So,if Asylum are willing to pay me $80, 000, then I can do a treatment about a mobile marine medical centre that specialises in the treatment of Carcharodons, which is hit by terrorist attack and loses all power.  Due to cages designed by an idiot, this releases the locks and all the inhabitants get out ...
     I will call it "Shark Ark Goes Dark".  

There will now be a short interval whilst I go top up my cup of tea.

Back with my brew.  Now the Intro is over, let the motley begin!

Game Of Thrones
Back to watching this televisual filth, and am now watching Season 5, which I caught bits of when it was being broadcast.  They don't stint on gore, nudity or swearing, do they?  It also seems to serve as a nursery or convenient day-job for every British character actor going.  

Ha!  Take that, South Canada!

     Er - that's it.  Nothing too profound.
     Oh, just to add that a lot of it is shot in Malta, the George Cross island, where they also did shooting for "Raise the Titanic".

No!  It's a small model ship.  They are NOT giants.

     Which was an expensive flop.  Not that Malta had anything to do with the finances.

Perfidious Albion
Ah yes, once again Conrad would like to focus on just how jolly unsporting and back-stabby the British can be when they put their mind to it.  I have mentioned in recent posts that they developed 2 of the largest bombs ever made, and proceeded to drops lots of them on the hapless Teutons.  They also created items at the opposite end of the scale and intent, to wit:  the Welrod pistol.  Art?

Silent and deadly

     This engine of destruction was created at Welwyn Garden City, hence the "Wel-" part of it's name.  It was designed to be as silent a killing weapon as possible and is so quiet that it mimics the otherwise horribly unrealistic Hollywood concept of silenced guns.  The baffles and rubber seals visible in the cutaway above reduced a bullet's velocity and sound signature, meaning if you were more than 15 yards away, you wouldn't hear it.
     "Ah, yes, the days of the Second Unpleasantness," I hear you quaver.  "Days long gone by ..." with the implication that the Welrod's day had also gone.
     Er - not quite.  The company that made these, BSA, refused to say anything about how many it had made, nor for whom, being either typically modest in their self-effacing British way, or having been warned that loose lips were not wanted.  It is an open secret that the SAS were using them up until the First Gulf War, and possibly after.

Absent any kind of markings

     Very James Bond, I'm sure you'll agree, and also so very - perfidious.


* I made one of these up but I'm not telling you which!