I Blog Of Dog

Not Just Of Dog
Although I have had one stern warning today that strongly hints if there is not news of Edna then there will be trouble in the world.  My world.
     Of course, this would not be BOOJUM! if we didn't go off on a tangent immediately, so allow me to mention the Voyager 1 spacecraft.  Art?  Picture, please.

Voyager 1

     It's now 5 years since this baby entered interstellar space - 38 light-hours distant now - and it's still sending back information.  Not bad for a probe launched in 1977.  I mention Voyager because at the moment it's all Cassini-Cassini-Cassini, and we could do with a bit of balance.

Wonder Wifey's Other Babies
You may be dimly aware of a certain unease in the air - oh, hang on, those are the lyrics to "Dogs", aren't they?  Sorry about that.  What I meant -

Edna, perhaps not quite sensing unease

     - what I meant, if the dogs will bow out for a second, is that Wonder Wifey exhibits a certain sneaky ability with growing things.  Amongst these are a batch of tomato plants; Conrad unsure if "batch" is the correct botanical term and doesn't really care, as they remain tomato plants.  Art?

     These reside behind a protective curtain, as otherwise our cat is likely to gnaw on the bamboo skewers holding the plants up.  I know, I know, what skewers?  They aren't visible any longer.  I'm still keeping that curtain in place, for if Jenny did get amongst the plants and cause damage, then there would indeed be trouble in the world.  My world.

Ednews
If Edna Wunderhund did take over the world - and if she does then she learned everything from me - then her first edict would be to destroy all laptops.

     - excuse me, there has been a muted hooning in the background yesterday and today, and I only discovered that it was cows earlier today, even if they do sound like croupy fog horns* -

     Here is the evidence to prove same.  Art?

Life in FOB Nimrod

     As you can see, the hated and detested laptop is on the ground, and Edna smoothly moved in to occupy the Human-Shaped Cushion's lap once it was free.
     I can't add in any of today's later photographs, so here's one from yesterday when she realised that treats don't grow in meadows, but are instead to be found in Upright Human-Shaped Cushion's pockets.

Yes, it's cupboard love, but it's still love.

     This afternoon we went for a trot up by Darling Daughter's old primary school, Thornham St. James, and you might even get more photographs as evidence.

     Just got to go turn the oven off.  That Raving Offal Bisque must not burn!

In A Polish Pickle
When I say "Polish" I mean the people of the nation of Poland - a moment's respectful silence for the flyboys of 303 Squadron RAF ta very much - and not the verb meaning to render an item shiny and clean**.
     Take a gander at what I picked up on the Friday shop in the Polish section at Morrisons.  The Polish food section, not the bit where they stock Mister Sheen and J Cloths.

     Now, the sharp-eyed amongst you will already have noticed that the upper part of the label is in English - yes, widely-spoken in Poland yet not their mother tongue - and there is a modernised Arbic script at bottom.
     Because, as the label informs, these are Moroccan preserves.  
     FYI, yes, it is possible to eat these straight from the jar.  The pickling in brine process removes a fair amount of the bitterness, although you'd not care to eat many of them.  Says the man who loves lime pickle.

Damn it!  No, that's not my mobile phone working on "Vibrate", it's those cows again, lowing in the distance.  Note to Edna; when you take over the world, breed cows that are silent, that they may not disconcert us bloggers.

Finally
Because we need a short article to get up to count, I would like to post something that proves 1) Conrad is relatively sane compared to some out there and 2) Some people have entirely too much time on their mind.


     From the sublimely demented "Jim'll Paint It" website, this is his take on a request for a desperate, damaged and down-at-heel Sonic, pawning his last gold ring for a bottle of whisky, weeping over his lost love.
     Sic transit gloria mundi, eh folks?
     And the weblink so that Jim doesn't sic a ton of lawyers on me -

http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/

    That's all folks.  Until something equally unhealthy pops up in my mind.



*  Do you see what - O you do.
**  Shiny and clean?  Get out of here!

Is It A - No, Only Kidding

I'm Not Sure How This Came About
Nothing to do with birds or planes, but today the Intro begins with - Badgers!
     This came about because somehow - my mind can be as obscure to me as it is to you - I ended up on Youtube looking at the one-man tank called "Badger".  If Art will put down that plate of coal we might get a picture - 

No, he's not huge, it's just a very small tank

     That scuff in the armour is where an armour-piercing .50 calibre bullet ricocheted off.  This thing may be compact, yet it is also tough; they drove one over an explosive charge that threw it 8 feet in the air without stopping it.
     It is intended to be a kind of Instant Door-Creator, when law enforcement would like to get inside a building and the people inside said building would rather they did not, with guns.

I doubt I would fit in this particular piece of kit

     Hence that sharp prow, designed to breach a wall, and to make bullets bounce off.
     
A Menagerie In Metal
But wait!  There was another Badger tank, a Canadian British American version that was adapted from their own native tank, the Ram.  This may get a little confusing.  Art?

A Ram

     These were never used in combat, but their hulls were used as Armoured Personnel Carriers, known as the Kangaroo.  Art?

The only way to travel

     These then had the Wasp flamethrower added in, so they were a Ram Kangaroo Wasp, at which point someone realised that this was getting silly, and renamed it a Badger.

Not as cuddly as the real thing, I think you'll admit

     
There's Still More
Conrad likes to keep going with a theme, as it takes a bit of the heavy-lifting out of the creative process.  And so we come to Mike Baron, South Canadian creator of "Badger" who featured in his own stories and also "Nexus", which Mike also created.  Nexus is great, an intelligent combination of superhero and space-opera - but back to Badger.
     Properly named Norbert Sykes, Badger is, to put it politely, bonkers.  Since he also an insanely highly-qualified martial arts expert, this makes for a dangerous combination. I think we need a little illustration.  Art?  Less coal, more pictures!

Badger being atypically sensible

Perfidious Albion
Ah yes, no post would be complete without mentioning the eeeevil Brits, would it?  
     First of all, let me introduce another type of badger - the Honey Badger.  Art?

Not very sweet!

     The "Honey" part is because it nicks this substance from hives, not because it has a tender disposition, because it doesn't.  It appears to have been designed because God wanted the four-footed equivalent of a Terminator; ferocious when provoked, stuffed full of teeth and claws, and with a terrible attitude.  It also seems to come from the Adrian Carton De Wiart School of Behaviour, as it manifests no sense of fear and will happily take on multiple larger opponents - like lions.
     "Fascinating stuff easily worthy of comparison with David Attenborough, Conrad," I hear you query.  "Where is the Perfidious bit?"
     Well, back in 2007 the British army was encamped at Basra in Iraq.  Suddenly - HONEY BADGERS!!!  GIANT MUTANT MAN-EATING HONEY BADGERS! appeared in the locality of the camp.
    Or so asserted the locals, claiming that the British army was deliberately releasing these monstrous Frankenstein-monsters into the Iraqi countryside.

Monstrously monstrous!

     British army spokeman Major Mike Shearer commented, probably after he stopped laughing, that the British army had not released man-eating badgers into the city, which, given that he was British and therefore perfidious to the core, merely confirmed to locals that this is exactly what had happened.
     The official explanation is that the honey badgers had been forced to move due to flooding of their original habitat.  British army squaddies, notoriously soft when it comes to animals, had probably also been feeding the little furry fiends, as well.  Then again - soft?  Or ... perfidious?

Badgerline 
A bus company that works out of Bristol, in the south east of the <checks weather> Allotment of Eden.  The local accent means you hear it pronounced "Badgerloin", which can confuse visitors who have no wish to go there.
     I think we can provide evidence.  Art?

There you go

     Not as daft as you might think, as the humble badger can do 20 m.p.h. for short distances.

Okay, It' Is A Plane
Ah me, is this meta or what*?  The Tupolev Tu-16, known by the NATO codename "Badger", which your humble hack thinks is a bad idea.  Art?

A flying Badger

     Just imagine, you're an RAF pilot flying to an interception over the North Sea after the Sinister hordes have bumbled over the Inner German Border, and your Air Traffic Controller orders you to lock on and shoot down the Badger now approaching -

Well -

     What would you do?


*  I'm not exactly sure what "meta" means but writers use it when trying to be clever