Inner Monologue Now Outdated

Prefatory To Work -
Conrad, not being especially precious about his appearance, tends to look at his reflection in the lift mirror and intone "Fatty needs a haircut".

Throwing this in at random because I can.
Plus, I like the title

     Of course I only ever say this aloud if alone in the lift, as I have noticed that one's inner monologue tends to upset or even frighten other people; hey, there's a reason it's an inner dialogue!  The lifts do have security cameras, but I assume that they're image-only without sound, as none of the Security staff have asked me to come by for a little chat ...
     "Do get on, Conrad," I hear you querulously quote.  "We recorded 'Game of Thorns*' and want to watch it."
     Okay!  Here we have your humble scribe sunning himself in the back yard:

Conrad, sunny as the weather

     If you contrast this with the Title image of myself on BOOJUM! then you will admit I have lost weight, and no longer resemble a sleeping-bag stuffed with a whole sheep, a reduction in circumference I put down to being sober for April**.  Subsituting tea - drunk as it should be absent milk or sugar - and sugar-free lemonade has consequences.
     You may also have noticed that little amuses Conrad more than - looking unamused.  In this he takes after one of the funniest Hom. Sap. who ever existed, Buster Keaton.  Art?

My hero

     Known in the trade as "Old Stoneyface".  Probably difficult to make him corpse on camera ...

More Of The Back Yard
Once again fringing on Religion and Politics, if not Current Affairs, I quote from a work acquaintance of many years ago, whose father had been stationed in Palestine whilst it was still under the British Mandate.  "When those Jews from Europe arrived," he informed son, "They meant business.  They were going to make the desert bloom. End of."
      This slightly-strained analogy might also be extended to Wonder Wifey, who has attacked our previously infertile back yard with gusto.  With vim, even.  Aided by moral support from your modest artisan***, she's been very busy.  I can prove this.  Art?

Seedling triffids

      These potentially dangerous customers have to be corralled behind secure fencing, both to keep them in and to keep human victims away.  Yes, the fencing is a bit flimsy but they're only seedlings.  We will upgrade to razor-wire and a laser grid over summer.
     Okay, Art, show some more!

Hand-made Faraday Cage

   This, Conrad understands, is an experiment with Shallots.  By protecting them from ambient electromagnetic radiation, we shall see if it affects germination.  You might well ask - shall few grow, or shall lots^?

      And for the last illustration for today:

Tethered tomato plants

     These little rascals take a lot of stopping, apparently.  They have to be both staked and netted, in order to prevent them flying off once their feathers have developed.
     BOOJUM! - filling you in on all matters green.

Elon Musk, Mars And Terminators
Elon is the chap behind Spacex, the people currently contracted to supply the International Space Station with deep-fried Mars bars and poutine, or whatever NASA thinks they need up there.  Spacex are also attempting to create a re-usable rocket for delivering payloads to orbit, and give them their due, they've managed to return a rocket and soft-land it on a barge in the middle of the ocean.
     Elon has also stated that he wants Spacex to manage an unmanned Mars shot by 2018, which is practically by tomorrow in the rocketry and astronomy world.

Impatient chap!

      That's a very ambitious schedule, Elon.  Very ambitious.  Of course, it all makes perfect sense when you understand that EM is very bothered indeed by the possible creation of high-spec hostile Artificial Intelligence.  His concern is that this AI, which we will call "Claude" for reasons of drama and in-jokiness, would instantly come to the conclusion that humans are unworthy of existing for a nanosecond more than necessary.  So, Claude sets out to supplant humanity with it's preferred alpha-predator species: the weasel.
     Don't laugh, it might happen!
     This is why EM is so frantic to get to Mars; humanity's bolt-hole for when - not if - Claude arrives.
     Mind you, looking back at my articles on Global Catastrophic Events, if the Asteroid Impact scenario arrives first then even a billionaire genius like Tony Stark Elon Musk would be in trouble.

"Okay.  Kinda flattered -"

Out Of Conflict Comes Drama

What if!  I was thinking, What if the Asteroid were actually part of that planet that blew apart billions of years ago, and there's a virus within it that's released by the crash, thus preying on any surviving humans, except it's actually nanobots not a real virus and they start to convert the planet's silicon into Hideous Alien Constructs which weakens the shield caldera over the Yellowstone Supervolcano which erupts -

The final cut

     It would make a great disaster-porn film but, with all human life extinct within mere minutes of screen time, probably of limited appeal.
     Still, "Based on a concept by Conrad and BOOJUM!" as a credit would make it all worthwhile!
     Your opinion might vary, although since it's my blog and you're only human <cocks a snoot>

Cocking a snoot - entirely SFW despite your dirty minds

* Something like that
** I may have mentioned this once or twice in the past
*** And hands-on help from Degsy
^  I'm not sorry about this, not one bit.