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Sunday 24 April 2016

Rats!

Not The Exclamation -
 - but the animal.
     Before you complain, I did warn you in the footnotes yesterday that we might get rats, and lots of them.  Personally, Conrad doesn't have a problem with Mister Rattus, which species are known to make excellent pets, affectionate and clever don't you know.  
     "Oh but they're dirty, Conrad!" I can hear you shudderingly complain.  "O so dirty!"
     Yes, and so are pigs, but that doesn't stop you eating bacon butties, does it*?
Image result for rat sandwich
Conrad makes a point.
Not entirely sure what it is, but it's a point
     I have also read that, in the modern urban environment, you're never more than six yards from a rat which is either reassuring - they're not camped on your doorstep - or terrifying - they are camped (virtually) on your doorstep.
     Let us now cast our minds back to the First Unpleasantness, and those stalwart chaps, the Grenadier Guards, whose history I have been a-reading.  Though they might thirst to take on the bally Hun at the point of a bayonet, or improve their trenches to a model standard, or be inspected by their Honorary Colonel**, they were often asked to undertake other duties, this one being requested by the Corps Commander, Lord Cavan.
     "Bring me the corpses of rats," he requested.  "And lo, the battalion that presents me with the most shall have an extra rum ration."  I believe it was the Grenadier's Second battalion who made a present of 386 dead rats to the General, which won them the extra ration, which ironically begins with "rat".
Image result for dead rat
"Enough here for a bottle, sir?"
     Rats, you see, were a serious problem on the Western Front.  They thrived amidst the squalor, most especially since you humans, by killing other humans on an industrial scale,  presented them with unlimited food supplies.  I shall draw a discreet veil over the detailed description but your imagination can probably supply the details.
     So seriously was the problem taken that each of the 5 British armies on the Western Front had a "Rat Officer" whose duty was to study ways to - Combat The Rat.
     There you are, a bit of BOOJUM! edification.  Now let the motley begin!
Image result for caravan
Loud caravan.  Close enough.

"Inherent Vice" - Conrad's Helpful Explanatory Notes
Don't forget, folks, these pop-culture references are taken from the novel.  If they are present in the film, then context or pictures may clarify matters.  Until then, this is all you've got.  I'm avoiding "Bleeding Edge" until I get these notes out of the way, as I suspect there will be a lot more of a more technical nature in that novel.
     "Surfin' Bird" by The Trashmen:  I didn't recognise either title or group, so a quick trip to Youtube revealed that, yes, this is the song playing over part of the Battle of Hue City in "Full Metal Jacket".
More of Stan the Man
     Port Cochere:  A covered archway adjacent to the entrance to a building, allowing horse-drawn coaches to dismount their passengers without them getting wet.
Image result for porte cochere
An elaborate example
     Ann Landers:  American print media agony-aunt
     Webb Pierce:  A country music superstar of the Fifties, at least over in South Canada.
Image result for webb pierce nudie suit
Tasteful and restrained
     Percodan: a pain reliever, composed of aspirin and oxycodone, technically 14-hydroxy 7,8 dihydrocodein 6-one, long since supplanted by paracetamol.
     Mike Curb:  American musician, whom Thomas Pynchon condemns as having inflicted the worst soundtrack ever for "The Big Bounce", but who redeems himself as he did the end theme for "Kellys Heroes".
Image result for tandle hill road
My Kerb.  Close enough

"Police Interceptors"
One of Conrad's guilty pleasures, this is one of those reality television programmes where a camera team follows the police in the performance of their duty, cutting to police digital footage taken by the officers themselves.
     Conrad has observed that, once Oscar Nine Nine (the force helicopter) is in pursuit, you are pretty much doomed. If fleeing in a car, the only method of escape is not to head off on the motorway, nor down narrow country lanes, but to head into a town centre and park up in a multi-story car park, abandoning the wheels and nonchalantly strolling out as if to do your shopping.  Given that the police are frequently in hot pursuit and mere seconds behind, this gambit might involve a teensy bit of risk.
Two bright sparks
     Also, what happens to police in the police cars that get smashed up?  One presumes that the car gets repaired, so what about the driver?
     "Yes, sir, I had NO CHOICE but to ram that brick wall at 125 m.p.h."
     "Splendid, officer!  Brick walls - sworn enemies of Earth*** - have a commendation!"



*  Unless you're vegetarian, in which case - move along now!
** King George V
*** Yes I did nick this from Captain Scarlet but Spectrum are on their lunch at the moment.

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