Here Come The Men In White -

 - Vans, That Is
Ooops.  I think that the sinister eavesdropping organisations - a whole acronym-salad including the CIA, the FSG, UNIT, MI5, the JSK, SDECE and Spectrum - haven't actually given up spying on your modest artisan, they just changed location and beefed up the electronic eyes and ears.
     "Gosh, Conrad!" I hear you chortle, which frankly suggests a LACK OF SYMPATHY, "You certainly know how to amp up those paranoia vibrations!"
     Oh yes?  There I was, innocently walking Edna on her second trot of the day, when she did that Pointing thing that dogs do:

Thus

     "What's that, Edna?  Little Timmy's fallen down the well?*" I mis-interpreted her non-vocal communication.
     "No you great big lunk-head, there's a collection of White Vans up yonder," she clarified for me.  "Sinister White Vans," she added, for emphasis.
     Art?

She's not wrong

     Erk!  Obviously your gifted author has been ruffling entirely toooo many feathers with his discussion of "Doctor Strangelove" and thermonuclear miss - foofoodillies.      Thermonuclear foofoodillies.  Yeah.  That's it.
 So in conclusion I'd just like to say - Lovely Fluffy Bunnies!  Lovely Fluffy Bunnies!

"Here come the Men In White,

Humanity's protectors.

They sniff out alien ******,

They're alien-****** detectors."    

"Houdini And Doyle" - A Reprise
Don't be fooled, "reprise" is just Poseur-speak for "Something I forgot to add earlier".  The article was already long enough before I added my comments on the end credits, and yes, I am one of those people who hang around in the cinema to the annoyance of the cleaners because I insist on reading the credits, all of them.
     Don't knock it, along with always reading the Ingredients list on the back of food and toiletries, it is frequently the source of interesting trivia.

Hibiscus: used as a soft-drink flavouring

     For example, did you know that there are "Escape and Magic Consultants" for the show?  Now you do.  Clearly these people like to get it right, as with "Jonathan Creek".  There are also 3 Assistant Directors, including one specifically for dealing with crowds; presumably for the theatre scenes where Harry Houdini performs his death-defying stunts.  Also, there are 5 accountants, implying that whoever is making this series is prettttty canny about keeping watch on the purse-strings.

O Noes!
Don't think I'm trying for plaudits, although any praise you may direct at me in the Comments is most welcome, as today is Day 23 of being sober for April.  This means I've been going through gallons of tea, yes literally, and the Jasmine has already run out.  Not only that, gaze in untrammelled horror at this picture!

NO!  Art, I'm getting my Tazer -

The horror!  The horror!

     As you can see, I'm now down to my last packet of Loose Leaf Darjeeling, AND the English Breakfast has run out.  There is only this and the mysterious caddies full of who-knows-what at the back of the cupboard left.
     Feel my pain!

Now, Gird Your Loins - From Tea To Torrid Tribulations
I'm still on Volume Two of "The Grenadier Guards in the Great War", but don't worry, nearly finished and Volume Three is not only shorter, it has the Index in, so it's actually even shorter.
     Mention is made in the text of two horrid localities on the Western Front:  Hill 70 and the Hohenzollern Redoubt.  Hill 70 was held by the Germans, and they beat back all attempts to retake it for two years.  The Hohenzollern Redoubt, named after the German Imperial Family, was one of the worst places outside the Ypres Salient - which is saying a lot for the Western Front - and consisted of a mass of intermingled trenches, wire, craters, mining and mines.  Mining never stopped there, and when I say "mining" I mean "digging long underground tunnels ending in a giant chamber stuffed full of explosives to be set off underneath the enemy".  Ghastly place!
     On a lighter note, and referring back to triple-barrelled surnames, does "Le Poer Trench" count as a genuine triple-barrel?  I shall possibly consult De Bretts.
     Back to matters martial.  In all close actions up to late 1915 the Grenadier Guards were at a distinct disadvantage due to not having -
     - grenades.  You know, what their regiment was named after.  An hilarious irony, eh?  Until the arrival of the Pattern 36 Mills Bomb.

Guaranteed to poop any party it arrives at

Conrad's Mind: The Rubbish-Tip Analogy
This is merely one of many garbage-themed explanations I have for why my memory (hello Oscar!) and my mind (Hello Oscar!) function the way they do***.  Okay, Art, put up the picture we agreed on and no surprises -

The chap on the left, ta.

     Incidentally, I rate "Thale", the Norwegian horror film in the centre foreground, as a 6.0 at least.  Er - which has nothing whatsoever to do with Jonathan Banks.
     He's the actor in the upper left.  No, I don't think Mr Banks would call himself handsome, which isn't really important for a character actor like himself.  He's been in film and television for decades, and his IMDB list consists of an unbroken string of work up to the present day.  Given his roles, I suspect that he plays a bad guy in "Better Call Saul".

In "Buckaroo Banzai"

In "48 Hours"

 - shortly before he dies in both films.
     Ooops!  Sorry for the spoiler, but it is over 30 years old.

Tomorrow:  more on character actors, and rats.  Lots of rats. ALL THE RATS!^

Edna: A Character Reprise
Okay, okay, I admit it, this one escaped my mind, like flotsam on a beach.  Art?

     A little tricky to make out given that Edna, my arm, the Garfield soft toy and the camera were all shaking madly; this is Edna playing the "Is it mine?" game, where she has a tug-of-war with whichever human she can browbeat (i.e. your humble scribe) for at least ten minutes, by which time said toy is soggy with slaver, and usually has a few more loose seams or lost limbs.


*  Only technically "fell", as that's the part that came after I pushed him.
** "Blight".  What, you expected a swear?
*** "Function" being quite an elastic term
^  Not really.  I like to exaggerate, and lie.  So maybe we will have ALL THE RATS!^^
^^ Or maybe not.