Conrad Curses Cryptic Contumely

Hello, Conrad Complaining Again -
 - which pretty much makes it Business As Usual.  The humble scribe who loves to whinge, that's me, and I'm looking forward to an absence of Cryptic Crosswords next week.
     "But Conrad!" I hear you gasp - is that acting or genuine surprise? - "What can be the matter? For you like to sharpen your wits of a morning on The Chip Shop Wrapper's Cryptic Crossword."
     Let me disabuse you that the CC has any input from The Metro; it hasn't.  I know because the clues are from at least 2004 and The Scotsman.  They buy it in from another source, just so you know.
     Anyway, sad face.  Art?

No!  Art, I wanted me with a sad face - O never mind

     The absence is because in the absence of Wonder Wifey, off on a tour of some islands that breed canaries or somesuch, I am dogsitting Edna.  Thus no morning ride to work on the 24 (when or if it deigns to turn up), and no Metro.
     I know what you're thinking (the Telepathy Machine is working, erratically) and no, I won't necessarily get a lie-in, either, as Edna wakes to go about her Backyard Business whenever she wakes up.

Finally!  Sad old man

     Now that I've communicated to you my angst at lack of crossword - because I'm pretty sure the drivers would take a spectacularly dim view of me stopping the bus only to get a newspaper - I think the subdued, sombre motley can open.

"4Headache On The Move" Say The Bus Posters
Excuse me, what?  Which mentally-deficient ad exec dreamed that one up?  Whoever it is, beat them.  Beat them SEVERELY!

It doesn't deserve better definition

     It brings punnery into the bad books, besides being nonsensical as it's your BRAIN not your forehead that suffers.
     If you have one.

BOOJUM! And The Nursery Rhyme
One of them, at least.  I may in future target others as I see fit.  Basically I mocked this one because I could, and it may happen again, so if you treasure your precious childhood memories, look away now.

"It's raining, it's pouring,

The old man is snoring.

He went to bed,

And bumped his head,

And couldn't get up in the morning.

Because he was dead*.

Sorry this rhyme isn't twee,

But the truth shall set you free.

     - and do you know, I wrote this out on the 14th at lunchtime.  Later that evening I went and bought "Busman's Holiday", a Lord Peter Wimsey murder mystery by Dorothy Sayers.  What does it feature?  An old man who is murdered by being walloped on the head.  Yes thank you Coincidence Hydra, you can remove your teeth from my HWU** now.

Lord Peter Death Bredon Wimsey.
Gimlet-eyed, quick-witted and a dab hand with a .455 Webley

A SHORT DISCURSION ON FILMS AND TELEVISION

Is that okay?  Actually it might not be that short.  Still, it's all quality stuff.  
     "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows":  As seen in The Metro.  Conrad's comment is GET BACK IN THOSE SHADOWS!  A sequel to the 2014 version was inevitable as $477 million return speaks loudly to the suits.  The shameless suits.

How Conrad likes his Turtles

     "Harlan Coben's 'The Five' ":  Can't they count?  There's only four figures in that promotional advert.  FOUR!  Mr Corben may be hot stuff with a script but he needs a remedial in arithmetic.
     "Criminal": Your humble scribe's first Laugh Out Loud of the day.  First they promote this film with a mock test to promote same, viz:

Well, are you?

     Followed by a cringing disclaimer as a footnote.  Just in case anyone goes beserk and then blames the quiz.  Art?

     So mealy-mouthed they're positively spouting dinner.  Hah!

Hard To Believe -
"Sounds From The Other City" was a year ago.  I don't expect you to recall from that date, so I shall explicate a little.  It's a music event in Salford - differentiating itself from Manchester most definitely and hence the 'Other City' of the title - based along Chapel Street, with various venues being adopted and adapted for performances.  There are scores of bands playing, none of whom I recognise, with things being run out of Islington Mill.  You turn up with your ticket and exchange it for a wristband to get access to the sites.

Islington Mill vestibule, decorated whimsically

     I've got my ticket for the 1st May performance, which is well-timed as I shall be back on the beer by then.
     As pondered yesterday, am I going to be the oldest person in the room yet again?
     I'll get back to you on that.



* It was a very severe bump.
**  "Hairy White Underside", but you knew that already, didn't you?