Illboard

Yes, You Read That Correctly
Firstly, because Conrad doesn't make spelling errors, as he is above all a spelling and grammar Nazi par excellence (and besides Blogger has a spellchecker), and secondly, because Conrad is a source of never-ending puns.  Maybe good, maybe bad, certainly never-ending.
     "Conrad!" I hear you expostulate.  "What is going on?"
     I thought you'd never ask!  I may also prove that the Intro isn't always an extremely long piece of self-indulgent tea-snobbery and non sequiteurs.
     Get this:

Not a digital Dada portrait, just a sickly billboard.  Thus, an "Illboard***"

     This, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of "Hubris".  That is, setting oneself up for a big fall, usually by being fearfully boastful.  The ancient Greek dramatists were big on hubris; they really relished cutting someone down to size.
     Moving on, the above is  swanky new digital billboard that shouted "Welcome to the hub, Manchester".  
     Oh really.  How - how can I put it?  Condescending, that's how.  How hugely gracious of you.
     So HA! even going so far as HAR HAR!  Serves you right.

Film Trailers As Seen Saturday
You ought to know by now that Conrad compulsively takes notes of the trailers before the main feature.  Given that he's actually seen these, no need to stick with the normal BOOJUM! film review rules and lest you quibble, prevaricate or otherwise object, whose blog is it?  Let the motley begin!
     "Game Of Thrones": Conrad predicts middling success for this Sword and Saucey-ry* television programme.  Starring Sean Bean.

Game of throws.  Close enough.

     "Green Room": No, not the hospitality suite in a television studio, this is about a band trapped in an out-of-the-way music venue by a murderous mob**.  Looks good!

Green Day in a Green Room

     "Bastille Day": Buddy-cop movie set in Paris (go on, you knew already, it's the "Bastille" that gives it away).  With Idris Elba as the Rogue Cop and Whosit as his pallid pickpocket partner.  Idris makes a great lead and this may be his essay to prove that he CAN be James Bond.

Pastille way.  Close enough.

     "Warcraft":  As I watched this I wondered "Are they trying to squeeze another film out of the Hobbit?"  No, it just felt like it - that or a fifth generation photocopy of the original, that is, blurred, unoriginal and horribly derivative.  Also a generation too late.

Now THIS is a War Craft!

     "Independence Day: Resurgence": A generation later, eh***?  They'd better have more than just bigger bangs, boyo.  Mind you, I'll bet the plot is much the same, you can't really ring too many changes on War of the Worlds Mk. 127.  It does kind of remind me of that under-rated boardgame, "The Air Eaters Strike Back" ...

Concept art for ID2.
Honest.

Conrad Concocts Coleslaw
Carrot, cabbage and onion, proof that your humble scribe is not just a pretty face^.  Made dry, so that it won't go soggy in the fridge.  Art?

     Mind you, there is a lot of it.  Wonder Wifey will no doubt be pushing the Coleslaw Breakfast, Coleslaw-Garnsished Coffee and Aled King Coleslaw.

From Chaos I Bring Order
On a very small scale, admittedly.  As part of my ongoing project, to play a wargame that was set out perhaps two years ago, I rearranged all the units that I'd carefully placed on a piece of MDF.  Art?

     This may not look like a lot to you - well it is!  I had to cross-reference the pieces you see with two Order of Battle lists for both sides, and add a couple of units that had been left out in the first place.  It took ages.  Now I have to sort out where to deploy the British forces as I have a map with the Italian units already allocated.
     Yes, I will be playing solo, now you ask.  This makes it impossible to cheat^^.

Curse Your Eyes, Peter Lloyd!
If my teeth rot and fall out of my head, I'm blaming you.  Yes, you!  Only whilst not in the presence of your scary Polish fiancee, mind.
     "Oh but Conrad, what can you be talking about?" I hear you cavil.  "And that crack about the fiancee was unwise, as she can be very scary."
     This!  Nothing less than this!

I had no choice.  None.  NONE!

     I happened to be swanning about in his vicinity earlier this afternoon, when I espied a packet of Jelly Babies, and dropped hints (with all the subtlety of an anvil from orbit) that earned me a jelly baby and a mint humbug.  "Two packets for a pound-fifty," beamed Pete proudly, as he has as childish a sweet tooth as does your modest artisan.
     So I got the lot above for £2.70 instead of £4.00.



*  I made this up all by myself.  Can you tell?
** Every band has to go through this phase before hitting the big time.
*** Do you see what I did there?  Do you?  Do you?  Aren't I clever?
^  This is a colossal lie <hurtful truth courtesy Mister Hand>
^^ I hope.  I could be wrong.