Hot Stuff, Indeed

Don't Worry!
There will be no mournful slavering over the paucity of Hot Cross Buns in the world*, not tonight.  Instead I shall be blathering on about the very essence of heat - Capsaicin.  
     This is not one of the constituents of lava, nor does it fuel nuclear power stations. No, it is much closer to home and I guarantee that you and it will have met each other on numerous occasions.
     "Conrad!  Don't keep us in suspense!" I hear you plead with a plaintive note in your voice.  Utterly insincere, of course, yet very well done, keep it up.  "Tell us of this hell-compound."

Capsaicin.
(Perhaps)

     Very well.  This is the substance that you find in peppers and chillies, that gives them their heat.  Liable, in concentrated form, to inflict searing pain upon humans when it comes into contact with their tissues, and that's tissues without and within the body.  What goes up must come down and what goes in must come out, just remember that, and in the interests of subtlety I shall say no more.
     Contrarily, it acts as an anaesthetic upon horses, being banned from competitive sports, so never give Dobbin the leftovers from last night's takeaway, lest you be drug tested and fail.
     On the other hand, capsaicin has absolutely no effect upon birds.  This means you can mix pellets of it in with their seeds and they gaily peck away unconcernedly.  Wicked pilfering squirrels, on the other hand, are likely to spontaneously combust if they have a go at the feeder.  As long as they're grey, that's okay.
     Further to our theme, in "Man Versus Food" our intrepid gourmet was shown a dropper full of capsaicin, and allowed the "Chef" (for which read "Cooking sadist") to place a drop on his tongue.  Adam then explained that the feeling was one of pure heat, no taste or flavour at all, much as one suspects licking a blowtorch flame would feel.

Poor chap!

     I also add that in the current military history work I'm reading, "Seeking Victory On The Western Front", the British tried all sorts of chemical nonsense on their German opponents, including - you guessed it - capsaicin.  Shells full of it were fired into the German trenches, where they appear to have done - nothing.  This is surely a technical fault with dispersal of the vapours, as German food never ran to the spiciness of curries - long a staple of the British army with it's Indian heritage - and the bally Hun would have been bawling with brio on inhaling capsaicin.

"Ach Tommy!  Not zer Kurrie, bitte!"

The Murdermobile And Car Age
The Murdermobile** has gone in for eye-wateringly expensive clutch replacement surgery of late, hopefully to be restored to high good health, thus able to drive uphill, without the engine exploding.  

Terrain suspiciously similar to the Snake Pass

Thus it occurred to your humble scribe, as you humans age one year for every year that passes, so do dogs at a more accelerated rate:  seven years aged for every year that passes.  Now, based on the fact that the Murdermobile is 4 years old and in serious need of (mechanical) surgery, Conrad thus reckons that a car ages 20 years for every sidereal one that passes.
     Well, it would explain a lot, wouldn't it?

And For Today's Coincidence -
Bear in mind what I wrote above.  And what do I today read on Page 354 of "Inherent Vice"?  
"  - and the hillside up to Dunecrest, which Doc had always thought of, especially after nights of excess, as steep, a grade everybody sooner or later wiped out their clutch trying to get up and out of town of - "
     Brrr!  Not only does Thomas Pynchon create coincidences, he's bad for your car's health!

Larry "Doc" Sportello
(His sideburns get a separate cast credit)

Of April Showers And Showers In April
Ah yes the weather.  We here in the UK will never lack for an ice-breaker with our weather to fall back on.  I had a hot shower at 6:15 this morning.  I really didn't want another cold one at 6:40 when I ventured to the bus stop, absent shampoo and dry towels.  Still, that's what I got.  April showers, eh?

A vista dismal

 ... and that's enough for tonight, got to get those brownies on and post this before PUB QUIZ!


* Although this is one of life's little tragedies
** Our cunningly-camouflaged Armoured Fighting Vehicle