Rather Than Yark About Bill Today -
Because I have enough stuff for another Intro, believe me, and it will be aired in the future, I am going to drive a fleet of Greyhouund buses through that exceedingly silly Korean zombie series, 'Zombieverse'. I gave it until the end of Episode 4 and then gave up on it, only to see that enough of you watched it for a second season to be made. Bad viewers! Art?
So I am going to deconstruct Episode 3 in order to prove my assertion that it's a terminally stupid show and you won't need to watch it, and just to be extra horrid I'm not going to warn about spoilers, either. Remember the central plot premise: you're not able to defend yourself against the zeds. You can only run away. This holds true for every survivor and situation, as we shall see. The second rule is that you can only carry out the most convoluted, impractical, time-wasting solutions possible. Art!
 |
| "A new location her been discovered" |
This is the car park in rear of the 'Star Mart', containing 2 coaches, 2 trucks and 15 cars. The survivors have made their way to the tent shelter at top screen, where they discover some keys, and because they need transport - their mini-bus having been wrecked outside the front of the store - they decide to try and match keys to cars. Art!
Confirmation. Now you know what '19 cars' looks like in Hangul.
No, those are not drunken shoppers stumbling around the car park, they're zombies, so bearing in mind Plot Rules One and Two, matching keys to car is going to be very risky. Why are there so many zeds bimbling around in the car park? They Wrote It ThuS, hereafter TWITS. Art!
This is peak stupid. How do the survivors manage to search the cars for the ones they have keys for? They climb up on cars and make noise, to attract the zeds. That's it. Then, of course - obviously! - they have to get down off the cars. Which are now surrounded by zombies. Great planning there. TWITS.
I've highlighted a close-up I took, so you can see Rule One in practice. This silly bint has taken a hefty metal fire-extinguisher along with her, and then completely ignores it. I mean, it's not as if there's a whole environment of artefacts scattered across the enormous expanse of a car roof, is there? She wouldn't even have to bounce the metal cylinder off a zombie head, all she'd need to do is spray them in the face and blind them, even temporarily. But no. TWITS. Art!
They find a couple of cars whose keys open them, but there are zeds strapped into the seats, so those are promptly ignored; Rule Two in action. Finally, achingly, after thirty minutes of seeing Rule One being followed, they find a truck that runs. Except - Art!
It's supposedly blocked in by all those inert cars marked in red.
Excuse me? Art!
MOVE THE BARRIER. Or reverse into it. But no. Rule Two means that they have to push one car out of the way, then use a forklift truck to move another out of the way, clearing the route so the truck can be reversed out, because the three-point turn is a foreign obscenity/heresy/perversion <delete where applicable> that is unknown in Korea. That, or it's TWITS again. There you go, today's title explicated. Art!
Here is the (very noisy!) forklift in operation, and you can see an improvised barrier of abandoned shopping trolleys keeping the zeds at bay. Rule One is being strictly enforced here. Art!
Against the odds, they do manage to shift the car out of the way. Rule Two means that they cannot, under any circumstances, merely push it into the corner, as this would be much quieter, quicker and sensible.
Are you beginning to see why Conrad only made it to Episode 4? To anyone with a sense of logic, this show is living torment. Mister Spock would have a brain aneurism were he to be forced to watch it. Art!
There they go, reversing their way to freedom.
At a price. During the forklift truck incident, both Na-Rae and the doctor managed to get themselves bitten. Ooops. Art!
"Stand in the corner and look sheepish!"
However, because they are protected by both Plot Armour and TWITS, they don't turn zombie. In fact, Art!
 |
| "There is nowhere to hide if they suddenly turn into zombies" |
So, hours after being bitten and infected, they are still hale and hearty at the end of Episode 3. In fact by the end of Episode 4 they were only looking a bit wan and pasty, a whole day later. I keep telling you - TWITS.
NB I hope you appreciate all the cropping and Snipping I did on these screenshots.
The Foggy, Foggy Death
Another riff on 'The 100' and plot holes that Your Modest Artisan has noticed. You will remember that the Ark sent down 100 delinquent guinea-pigs, and BY AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE all comms were lost. Nor did any computer information get retained, 'twould seem, as the young canaries know 0% about the planet they have landed on. So - Art!
They have sense enough to run when they witness this fog advancing upon them, and BY AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE they found an underground fog-proof shelter that helps them survive. Art!
Being caught outside is a death sentence, as the fog is extremely acidic and burns the windpipe and lungs, causing a slow and painful expiration.
Now, one could argue that the greenery is unaffected because, over 97 years, it has developed a resistance to acid foggery. Which would imply it's a frequent occurrence. Yet nobody on the Ark noticed in all those 97 years that a killer atmospheric phenomenon occurred regularly, especially since it's in the area they intend to land the canaries in?
Don't tell me, an attack of the TWITS again.
Stricken By The Silly Schedule Again
Don't worry, Conrad is not about to reveal whom his Coyly Anonymous Employer is, a practice I have followed whilst blogging since 2013.
What am I yarking on about today? O I thought you'd never ask!
The schedule for this week is the unlovely combination of 9 hours Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, then 6 hours Thursday and Friday. Being only 6 hours means no lunch break, so I'm typing this in my first 15-minute break. Art!
"The War Illustrated Edition 211 22nd July 1945"
Your Humble Scribe isn't sure how the TWI is going to fill the rest of Volume 9, given that the war ends by the date I'm typing this, or in two weeks. There's only so much retrospective you can do. Art?
Conrad is unsure what the collective for a collective of wolfpacks. This lot docked in Ulster might be called a 'neuter' of U-boats, as their glory days were all before 1943. Bound to be some mightily relieved crews aboard those hulls. Art!
A reminder that hostilities were still in full swing in the Far East, although only with two weeks to go, which nobody but a select handful who were up to speed on 'Tube Alloys' knew. Here at top port the RAF Regiment are hauling anti-aircraft guns up the muddy mired banks of the Rangoon River. To starboard is the 26th Indian Division marching through the city of Rangoon in a parade intended to show the sons of Nippon that they had lost. To lower port, Japanese-held Chatham Island is given the good news by a squadron of RAF Liberators, probably causing headaches and bad hair days all round. To lower starboard, South Canadian engineers help to complete the Ledo Road, meeting at the mid-way point between North and South teams. Art!
I think that's quite final enough in it's own right.
No comments:
Post a Comment