Conrad Narrowed His Eyes -
- hoping that it made him look tough, and not severely constipated - at readers who immediately jumped to the conclusion that he'd made a typo.
NO! It is not a typo, it's an hilarious pun, hilarious I tell you. Laugh or it's the Remote Nuclear Detonator for you!
ANYWAY let me define a 'Cash cow' as described in my 'Brewer's': "A business or investment that provides a steady income or profit, like a cow that yields a regular supply of milk." Art!
Those are Nuclear Rabid Narwhals as a picture of a cow is rather dull*.
Then, we move on to the definition of a 'Scow'. Conrad still remembers the line that provoked Chief Engineer Scott to a fighting rage, when his beloved starship 'Enterprise' was compared to a 'broken-down garbage scow'. My 'Collins Concise' has it that it's an: "Unpowered barge used for freight, etc.' Art!
Those are real-life garbage scows. You can understand why Scotty saw red.
Where are we going with this? O I thought you'd never ask! Art?
Say hello to the scow in question: the Ruffian 'aircraft carrier' 'Admiral Kuznetsov', seen here from two years ago when it was supposed to be about to depart the dock. It merely traded one dock for another, after arriving in 2017, for 're-fitting'. I used air-quotes about the description 'aircraft carrier' because it's been a total dud in that role. It's sole operational deployment was to Syria in 2015, where the pilots proved so inept that two of them crashed their planes into the Med whilst trying to land on the carrier. The surviving air wing was rapidly relocated to a Syrian airfield, completely negating the purpose of having an aircraft carrier.
The article from 'The War Zone' that I'm reading here is dated 2023, and I shall copy a line from it.
Alexei Rakhmanov, the head of United Shipbuilding Corporation, which is a Russian government-owned company dedicated to administering military construction and maintenance contracts
Well well Kelvin Gosnell, what do we have here in 2025? Art!
This is the AK in a new dry dock that had to be specially constructed from two separate ones, then extended, then completely walled-in and all the water pumped out.
Except - the Ruffian VTB bank is now in charge of and administering the USC, which is no longer in control of anything. Gosh, I wonder why?
"We believe there is no point in repairing it anymore. It is already over 40 years old, and this is an extremely costly undertaking... I think the issue will be resolved as follows: either it will be sold or scrapped,"
That's from the head of VTB. Rakhmanov and others at USC have been arrested and charged with embezzlement, fraud, theft and perhaps passing port the wrong way too. Art!
One of three major fires to break out aboard the AK
Allow me to post a relevant Telegram message about exactly what USC were up to.
After an initial inspection, it was clear that it was beyond repair, as it had rotted to the base. But USC stubbornly tried to revive the dead ship in order to continue embezzling funds
By 'rotted to the base' I think they mean the hull was corroded beyond repair, as steel rusts not rots. So, since 2017 USC had been busily squirrelling away ₽100,000,000,000, or about $1.2 billion, on a ship that was not fit or capable of serving again, ever. The 'accidents' that befell it in port now seem suspiciously like deliberate prolongation of the repair work.
Why has this eight-year long fraud only just been uncovered? Who knows, the Ruffians certainly aren't going to enlighten anyone, and the answer may lie in Kremlin politics instead of any policy about honesty or integrity. Rakhmanov may have been in the wrong faction, or he didn't bribe the right people, or didn't bribe them enough, or being able to dissemble about repairs was no longer feasible. Art!
That's the dock with all the water pumped out and the AK with a gypsy village on the flight deck. Even if it was restored to operational status, the air wing has been dispersed across Ruffia and the special training facility for carrier pilots left to rust, so what would fly from it?
Well, they now have a splendid, huge, enormous dry dock capable of handling ships no longer in service. How much of the $1.2 billion went on that?
Whether it's scrapped or sold, the Kremlin will be verrrry quiet about it, because Mordorvia's ability to project power just took a substantial hit. On the other hand, look for the Haitian or Vanuatun Navy acquiring a suspiciously similar flagship. For $10,000 in cash, buyer collects.
There's a work of satire begging to be made about this saga; Conrad is willing to do a treatment for £25,000, roughly twice what the AK is worth. Tee hee!
I Gotta Fever -
And the only thing that will fix it is - MORE TRAINS!
Sorry if you were expecting cowbell. Art!
I'm going to poach a few more pictures from this excellent website, which I'm guessing are IWM-derived. Whomever the creator is, they don't bother to include any info about themselves and Conrad can only guess that they are Teuton, judging by their URL. Extremely thorough, too.
Ah! 'Oliver from Germany'. Guessed correctly. Art!
This shows a rear-area behind British lines, because if it was anywhere near the front lines, those trucks would be spread out at least 50 yards apart. I count about 10 trucks (and a steamroller) meaning total cargo-carrying capacity is about 50 tons at most, also requiring 20 drivers and co-drivers. That train in the background is towing what seems like 200 tons of supplies in goods wagons and a tank-truck, requiring perhaps 4 crew if the driver and stoker each have a stand in.
Please note that the Western Desert Extension Line, which we see here, was only single-track, permitting solely one-way rail traffic. A point for all the rail nerds out there. Yes, such people exist.
No, Not A Sci-Fi Book Cover
'Mira of Kyiv' over on Twitter posted a few photographs of Ukrainian soldiers at night, and the first one struck me as very evocative. Art!
His eyes are illuminated by the Night-Vision Gear he's using, not by CGI or Photoshop. The purple backdrop just makes it more eerie.
O Sweet Sweet Schadenfreude
Nothing to do with the ballfoot game today, just an harassed employee getting back at manglement. The narrator, on a Youtube Reddit tale, had been working at a bottom of the end hostel, where every guest got 50 bedbug companions free of charge. The boss was an abusive alcoholic, who also got physical at times.
Thus, when Bottomhole Boss asked Gloating Original Narrating Expositor, hereafter GONE, to work an overnight shift on Christmas Eve just the day before, when they would be the only employee in the hostel, GONE swiftly agreed.
Then never came in to work again.
BB left what GONE said were 50 angry voicemails - probably only 45 - shouting how BB had been required to spend Christmas Eve doing GONE's job and how they spoiled Christmas, etcetera, etcetera.
Which, naturally, GONE found extremely amusing. Art!
Art's AI friend strikes again
A Man After My Own Fusion-Powered Pumping Unit
Yes, a Comment from the BBC's 'Have Your Say' again, which I can definitely get behind, thanks to being a hair-splitting pedant myself.
david
21:57 17 Aug
It's resilience, not resiliance (see your post-match interviews).
I'd have more confidence in your judgements if you could spell properly. After all, you make your livings with words.
It happens a lot. Keep trying.
Zing! Ouch, I bet that hurt.
Time for bread. Ta ta!
* Not to other cows, but they aren't reading this, are they?
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