No! That Is Not A Typo, It Is An Hilarious Pun
Hilarious, I tell you. Laugh, or it's the Remote Nuclear Detonator for you.
Okay, one of the things that BOOJUM! yarks on about every so often is the importance of logistics in warfare. You can't fight without guns, march without boots or dig a foxhole without an entrenching tool. "Bullets, beans and boots" used to be how they described the quartermaster's role in an army, to which one might add 'benzin', because it keeps up the alliteration and is the Teuton for 'petrol', which has become progressively more important since 1900. Art!
I thought I'd lead with an illo of 'Atomic Space Vampires', because one of a train would be rather dull. Art!
Doesn't really get the blood pumping, does it? This is an Italian railway locomotive, sporting definite Art Deco lines, being brought ashore at Benghazi in 1940. You see, a line from Alan Moorehead's 'Desert Trilogy' struck me when I was re-reading it, where he commented on the port's railway system.
Curious, I dug further, because my impression had always been that Mussolini's Fascist regime didn't construct any railways in their Libyan colony. I was half-right, half-wrong, because they did build railways, for a few years and over very limited distances. Art!
Courtesy 'Arbalete'
This, ladies, gentlemen and those unsure, is the 'Western Desert Extension Railway', which originally ran from Alexandria to Mersa Matruh on the Egyptian border with Libya, for over 200 miles (PROUD IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS). It linked up that port city with the border garrisons, and was then extended all the way to Tobruk, about 650 miles (STILL PROUD IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS and over 1,000 of those other metrics). This meant the British and Commonwealth* were able to use this as a strategic supply route, Art!
Here a train is pulling into El Alamein station, it's curiously encumbered shape being due to concrete blocks, added to protect the vulnerable boiler from Axis air attack. Now, look at the length of the freight wagons behind it. We can do a thought experiment where this train is hauling 100 tons of supplies, powered by coal and water - coal being a lot cheaper than petrol.
On the Italian side of the border, this amount of supplies would need a truck convoy of, say, 30 trucks, powered by petrol. They needed water for their radiators, 60 drivers and co-drivers, and threw up enormous clouds of dust as they moved, giving them away to any British et al fighters stooging around looking for business. That's 30 engines, 120 sets of suspension and 120 tyres that need maintenance or repair, as opposed to a single locomotive (admittedly a lot more complex than a truck). One of the intractable problems the Axis faced at El Alamein was their enormously long logistics tail, running all the way back to Tripoli, a round trip of 2,200 miles (or 3,600 of those other things). A truck delivering fuel used up 8 times more than it delivered. Art!
No train to take the strain
Now, which nation covering 11 time zones is disproportionally reliant on rail logistics? If you guessed the Sanjak of Novi Pazar, go stand in the corner. On the other hand, if you guessed Mordorvia, take a bow.
Over on Twitter, when he was still around, 'Seveer of thhe 95th Rifles' railed (ha! do you see wh - O you do) against Ukraine not striking Ruffian railway logistic targets, because 1) they were highly vulnerable and 2) they would have an immediate impact. Well, Ukrainian special forces and partisans like 'Atesh' in Crimea have been destroying Ruffian trackside electronic and electrical equipment, in small-scale sabotage operations. Suddenly, in July of this year, the Ukrainians seem to be taking advice direct from Seveer. Art!
'Hot Rails To Hell'. Blue Öyster Cult reference for you.
This, according to the Ruffian governor, is a civilian garden shed that caught fire after 'debris' fell on it. In reality it's the railway station at Tatsinskya, and at least one train has been set alight. The station, in Rostov oblast, is a hub for front line supplies in troops, fuel, ammunition and equipment for the Luhansk and Donetsk oblasts. Not only were trains and station buildings set alight, their electrification system was disrupted. Being Ruffian, they only admitted that civilian passenger trains had been delayed; the actual effect on military logistics can only be imagined. Pundits on Youtube and Twitter have explained the miserable failure of the orcs never-admitted-in-case-it-goes-pear-shaped summer offensive towards the Ukrainian city of Sumy broke down thanks to their supply chain being crippled.
Seveer, old mate, wherever you are, know that your advice has been heeded.
There's a lot more detail to this story, but we're at 900 words already and I need to take madame for trots, so we will pick it up at a later date. In the meantime, you now understand the hilarious punnery of today's title.
Doing The Numbers
As you should surely know by now, Conrad is a pedantic hair-splitter of the first water, in fact it's one of his better qualities. So, to 'The 100'. You may recall BECAUSE IT WILL TROUBLE ME IF YOU DO NOT that we haven't been given a total for the population of the 'Ark', with Your Modest Artisan guessing at thousands, possibly into five figures.
Well, rejoice! for in Episode 7 we are finally given details. Art!
As at this point, there are 2,237 people aboard the Ark. 100 were sent down to Earth and 320 voluntarily got un-alived to extend the life-support for the survivors, so there were originally 2,747.
At last!
Of course - obviously! - things aren't that simple. Or there wouldn't be seven seasons of it. You see, the Ark's Council thought they had 100 years, four generations, to come up with solutions as to how to get their population from Up There to Down Here.
Nope, sorry. There are only sufficient drop-ships for 700 people. Their engineering staff are going to be busy in the near future.
We've Been Here Before
In my 'Doctor Who' fan fiction 'City In The Sky' they had a similar, even larger problem, in that there were 12,000 people to get 'Downstairs', with nil means of transporting them.
So, the Doctor proposed de-orbiting the whole Bernal sphere, which was feasible if not safe, thanks to the 'Branson Mansion' having a vaguely aerodynamic shape. Art!
Eminently impossible for the Ark, which would break up on contact with the atmosphere. However - ah, that word again! - a separated sub-section of the Ark might be able to make it.
Conrad hasn't seen any episodes beyond Season One, so I don't know if they manage this or not. I'll let you know.
That Sinking Feeling
No, we are not talking about that iconic Scottish film from the Eighties, sorry Seventies, 1979 to be precise, which is nearly the Eighties. I'm pretty sure I've seen it and cannot remember anything about it, bar that it involved stealing metal kitchen sinks and was Bill Forsyth's first step in conquering the world. Art!
No, this is yet another cheap shot aimed at Mordorvia. Don't carp, I said something nice about them in 2023. Art!
This is the Ruffian Navy's latest tug, the 'Captain Ushakov', in Saint Petersburg for it's final fitting-out, so not even in service yet. No, landlubbers, it isn't supposed to be semi-submerged like that; it sank at it's moorings, in what was probably ineptitude rather than sabotage, and you can bet the FSB will be hot on the trail of whomever posted this, as it makes Ruffia look bad.
Finally -
I need to Publish this, do the Sunday Retrospective and get back to that Raspberry and Peach ice cream. Later!
* The Free French, Greek Sacred Squadron, Czechs, Poles and I believe some Yugoslavs and definitely South Canadian civilian ambulance drivers, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment