A Smiths Reference For You There
First of all, I need to begin with a completely relevant and appropriate picture that we will come back to later in the Intro, totally on point without any clickbait to it at all. Art!
They allowed this on prime-time television before the watershed so yes it is SFW, and yes it is important.
ANYWAY I have been tidying up the immediate mound of books, comics, magazines, papers and at least one wargame lying next to my Seat Of Wisdom in the Sekrit Layr, and came across this volume. Art!
Published in 2001
You know Conrad by now. There were 70 mysteries knocking around in 2001 - how many of them are still extant now? This seems to be why it was dug out of the upper reaches of the Book Mountain, months ago, and now we can start on the first mystery. Art!
Now you see why having a lady clad as a harem member is totally legitimate thanks to her surname.
Here an aside. YES IT IS RELEVANT. The title 'Jeanie' is a punning reference to the word 'Genie', as she is one of them, also being 2,000 years old and a bit naive, too. Plus only speaking Persian initially, a nice touch. The word 'Genie' itself is the English version of 'Jinn', which itself is a demon of Arabian mythology, whom fall into two varieties: the good and the evil. The evil jinns are easily spotted even when masquerading as a serpent, dog, cat or an herbaceous border, as they are incredibly ugly. The good jinns are remarkably attractive, see first photo for proof. Art!
The Blue Man Group's membership had shrunk to one -
Okay, back on track. NO! Nothing to do with railways. Not yet, anyway. The '70', as I shall abbreviate the title from now on, explains that Genesis relates "God planted a garden eastward in Eden", hence the 'Garden Of Eden', and they rather spoil the mystery straight away by stating that it's probably what is now southern Iraq, which was ancient Sumer. Art!
Those two green areas represent the zones where river irrigation enabled people to thrive, not merely exist. At lower port is the Nile in Egypt, at upper starboard the Tigris and Euphrates, and in between is the unforgiving landscape of the ancient world. Water, irrigation and the agriculture it permitted, was a central theme in the lives of these peoples, which is why the concept of a paradisiacal garden, full of greenery (can you eat it? asks Conrad) took such a strong hold.
In practical terms, the power and influence needed to create a huge oasis in the middle of a kingdom meant that only kings and emperors had the ability to do so. They did so, in order to have the luxury of a wildlife park, all the better to hunt in, and to show how mighty they were, that they could defy nature. Art!
Artistic interpretation of the 'Gardens of Assurbanipal', as created by Ol' Assy himself, Assyrian king, in the capital of Nineveh. The ruins of which lie opposite the modern Iraqi city of Mosul, in that country's north-east. Art
We now encounter another long name, Nebuchadnezzar, a Babylonian king whose Median wife, Amyitis, pined for the mountains and greenery of her native land. Nebby, being king, decided to cheer up Wonder Wifey by creating the Hanging Gardens Of Babylon, probably the most famous Garden Of Eden ever. I realise this is a shockingly casual way to describe royalty but once again whose blog is it? Art!
Consensus today is that the mythical 'Garden Of Eden' was a metaphor rather than a real location, which partly explains why nobody has found the site. The myth reflected ancient culture's reliance upon irrigation to sustain life and permit luxury, as in the two examples above.
And there you have the rationale for today's title.
Right, I now have to go sort out the laundry. My exotic lifestyle never ends.
Edited By Mint Tea
For reasons of being a pedantic hair-splitter and completist, Your Humble Scribe did a detailed analysis of the disaster film 'Greenland', with run time noted and fact checks added in later on. Art!
It was successful enough to merit a sequel, due out shortly.
ANYWAY as I was eating my lunch, I turned my prestigious office chair, hit the tray everything sat on, and spilled my cup of mint tea. Art!
 |
| The horror |
Ooops.
So, of two-and-a-half pages of A4 notes, perhaps a third are still legible. If I don't stop for breakfast, it may be possible to copy out the smudged blurry print, because I wrote it and recognise how I compose. It would take ages, mind. IF I did so, you'd better believe you're going to get 'Greenland' analysed in a number of instalments, like it or not.
HA! Read Them And Geek
Conrad has been yarking on at length of late about railways and trains and logistics, always with the thought of a particular book I acquired many years ago. Today, carrying out a cursory search, I found it in one of the six bookcases. Art!
'Before 1918" in case you cannot resolve it due to old age or gin.
Art!
"German South-West Africa" is the title, and the sketch at top shows a 'Zwillinge' or 'Twin' train, with two locomotives permanently positioned back-to-back. The author notes about the Teuton colonial efforts in what is now Namibia in a drily ironic tone: " - the natives usually resented being forcibly civilised and there were constant skirmishes -". The Teuton crushing of the Herero uprising in 1904 is one of the most obscure conflicts you have never heard of, except that Thomas Pynchon covers it in 'Gravity's Rainbow'. Art!
Those big circular dish-like attachments to the funnels are spark-catchers, intended to prevent any dangerous conflagrations en route. The Teutons seem to have definitely appreciated that railways were essential for strategic movement across a very large, completely undeveloped country. Art!
Written in Afrikaans
We will definitely be coming back to this. I bet you can hardly wait.
Don't Be A Darwin Award Winner
This is a bit topical. Art!
In case you were tempted. Reservoirs are not lakes or rivers, they are man-made for maximum water storage, meaning they are 1) very deep and 2) very steep sided. Anyone getting beyond the 'shelf' at shore will immediately be in deep trouble, especially as the stored water remains very cold, even on a very hot day. below a relatively shallow surface layer. Which may be up to twenty yards deep, or only one, meaning the risk of thermal shock is quite a gamble.
Then, too, reservoirs tend to be in remote rural locations, off the beaten track and hard to get to. The police in the tale above took 20 minutes to reach the reservoir from the main road, which is about five times longer than it takes a person to drown.
There is a considerable difference between looking cool and being cool, having been laid out on a mortuary slab.
BOOJUM! - looking out for your safety*. Art!
 |
| The reservoir in question |
Recall, If You Will, All Those Cliché Westerns
Where the White Hat good chap is between two Black Hat vile villains, sneaking up on him, except he drops flat when they open fire and they shoot each other dead.
Wellllll here's the Cunning Adversary Narrator, hereafter CAN, telling about her Bottomhole Objectionable Boss, hereafter BOB, also featuring Roving Eye Adulterous Manager, hereafter REAM. Art!
I have no idea. You tell me.
BOB used to suck up to REAM when he came to inspect the store, doing down other staff, and stealing their sales with her own ID card, earning her both commission and the ire of said staff.
Come Valentine's Day, CAN buys a huge heart-shaped box of chocolates, leaving it in the break room with a forged note from (married!) REAM, stating that it's for BOB, she's his soulmate, call him if she feels the same -
She did, she does, an affair begins.
REAM's wife somehow found out - how is not explained but we can guess here, can't we? - and divorces him, so he fires BOB. Should have ducked, you sucker.
And with that succinct tale of revenge we are done!
* Just not consistently or reliably.
No comments:
Post a Comment