Only Those Of You As Aged As Conrad Will Get This Reference
Once upon a time there was a group called The Associates, whom were mighty in the land across the late Seventies and into their heyday, the Eighties. They only released a handful of albums, as Mackenzie and Rankine split in late 1982 and both are now deceased. Their debut album was - Art!
To quote a chorus:
Stick a pin in that, we'll come back to it later, for in the meantime we're going to weight morals and accountability in the superhero universe of 'Invincible'. Let me introduce you to the Maulers, a pair of insanely-strong intellectually advanced supervillains whose idea of a good time is to attack the White House, just for shizzle and giggle. Art!
Yes, that's a nuclear warhead he's tossing around like a football*. Note that one of them is armed, and not with any conventional weapon, either. Now, the Maulers are anything but dim or blinkered and are well aware that an assault on a nuclear missile silo will bring an instant response from the Guardians of the Globe. Which indeed happens. Art!
At times like this that thing called a - what is it again? A 'Fun'? A 'Bun'? A 'Gnu'? ah! I remember - A GUN - would be useful, if the GotG planned anything but punching villains. Take Dupli-kate, for example. Art!
Ladies and gentlemen and those unsure, I give you The Affectionate Punch, where the superhero ignores any kind of weapon and instead concentrates on delivering ineffective blows. Despite The Immortal and Black Sampson being reduced to quivering jelly by the Whatever-It-Is gun that one of the Maulers is using, what do the other three GotGs do? Art!
Completely ignore it. Because - the affectionate punch, after all, over all.
Here is where I warn you about SPOILERS. Because we have a couple coming right up.
The news of the Mauler Twins hijacking a nuclear missile in it's silo is instantly broadcast across all media platforms, meaning Mark Grayson, as Invincible, finds out immediately and storms off and in, hoping to subdue the big blue bruisers with -
The affectionate punch. Again. Guess what? He does no better solo than the five remaining GotG did, which is to say he gets blasted by the Whatever-It-Is gun (actually it affects nervous systems and appears to inflict temporary but almost complete paralysis**). Art!
But wait! Who - or what - is this? Why, it's young Oliver Grayson, Mark's half-brother, with half-Flaxxan and half-Viltrumite genes. He's about the equivalent of seven years old in physical size here, and unlike the six adults rendered unto barely-breathing mannequins, Young Olly realises the correct tactics instantly. Art!
The Whatever-It-Is gun is now unlikely to retain any substantial dollar value except for spare parts. Looks like the Maulers might have to resort to fisticuffs - you know, the old affectionate punch on their part.
Now, here is where it gets a lot darker, because young Olly doesn't hold back when fighting, and his brother is off chasing down that nuclear missile one of the Twins launched. So, no oversight or restraining. Art!
Super-strong and supervillains they may be, but the Mauler Twins prove to be just as vulnerable as squishy human meatbags when faced with Viltrumite fury. Definitely The Pitiless Punch.
Inevitably, once Invincible returns and the GotG all recover from their involuntary nap, Oliver is in big trouble, because apparently killing supervillains who murder silo staff and launch nuclear missiles for fun is wrong.
Righttttttttttttttttttt <said in Doctor Evil voice>.
Sorry, Conrad is standing right alongside young Olly here. The reason the Mauler Twins are carrying out mass murder and hijack is because they've only ever been locked up before. A quick dose of sudden death after their first transgression would have prevented a whole lot of other crimes from being committed. Instead, they got The Affectionate Punch.
Next time, Cecil, give your people a slingshot or golf club why don't you, or even a phased plasma rifle in the forty-watt range. Knuckledusters? A sharpened spoon? Then we won't have to have a long meditation upon whether the ends justifies the means or have to come up with supervillain-proof prison cells. Which are ruinously expensive, by the way. Art!
$15 million before tax
That, or $35 for a bucket and mops.
"The War Illustrated Edition 205 April 29th 1945"
Just to let you know that Conrad does curate the photographs and maps in this publication; we rarely feature the Far East 14th Army, or the South Canadians island-hopping across the Pacific, and we have deliberately omitted any pictures of the Sinisters, because it annoys Dimya so. Art!
Apologies for the less-than-stellar quality of the resolution here, Conrad has still to master taking a picture and not making the camera shake as he presses the button. You can see, however - first time mentioned today! - that the Teutons are being squeezed from both west and east here. Art!
This is a group of South Canadian paratroopers riding on a British Churchill tank. You can tell by their helmets, as they've adopted their customary taping of a field dressing to their helmet. A bit daft since it makes an excellent aiming point that stands out. Note the British tank crew and an illustration of why they suffered such frequent head injuries - no protective helmets. Note also the Bren gun mounted on the turret, an indication that things might get hairy. You can't tell from this not very excellent photo, but on that stowage bin is the name "BANDIT", meaning this is probably a tank from 'B' Company, from 6th Guards Armoured Brigade. Art!
From the Guards Museum webpage. This is the lead tank heading through the Teuton town of Munster, and no, things do not look as if they're about to kick off. For one thing, the paratroopers are all clustered on the tank's upper deck; if they were expecting contact, they'd be off the tank and using it as cover. Also - Art!
What looks like a letterbox is the armoured visor for the driver, swung into the open position to give better visibility. If it looked lairy, that visor would be instantly closed to prevent any high-speed objects from getting inside.
Here Kitty Kitty
Conrad noticed a striking screensaver that came up yesteryon, and took the time to annotate what and where it was. Ladies, gentlemen and those unsure, I give you the Petit Minou Lighthouse. Art!
The lighthouse, whose name means 'Little kitten', is the one with the red tower. This structure is located on the coast of Brittany, near Brest, and alongside it is a former semaphore tower, in case you were curious. Art!
Yes, it's French
The waters around Brittany are notoriously dangerous for shipping, thanks to tides, rocks and weather, necessitating lots of lighthouses. I've checked BOOJUM! and although we've covered other French lighthouses, this one is new to the blog.
That's A Very Good Question
As I'm sure you're aware, we here at BOOJUM! have absolutely no compunctions about giving a twod a good metaphorical shoeing when they're down, and Elong Tusk is no exception. Art!
Whichever option is correct, the shareholders must be getting nervous by now, thanks to The Musk Rat's insistence on behaving as if he was elected Prez and alienating everyone who isn't a far-right neo-Nazi. At some point, to avoid disaster, you need to stop digging whilst you can still see daylight - so here's another six shovels, Ketamine Kid, knock yourself out! Art?
It recovered slightly! Break out a small cornet and a handful of confetti!
* Ironically, the briefcase carried by the President's nuclear-codes officer is nicknamed 'The Football'.
** Not complete paralysis or they'd all asphyxiate, and Cecil would need to recruit a whole new team of GotG.
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