That's Probably Our Shortest Ever Title
Because Conrad cannot ever remember writing out one that was only "A" or "I", or just a full stop, or an exclamation mark. I cannot guarantee the accuracy of the preceding sentence thanks to gin and old age, even if we're not consuming alcohol at present, senescence still takes it's toll.
I know what you're thinking already, because - NO! ENOUGH ABOUT THE D.A.R.P.A. TELEPATHY HELMET! - <allows blood pressure to settle a tad> because I'm perceptive and after all, whose blog is it? Art!
That's Malcolm there, rather pushing it as a teenaged public schoolboy when he was really 25 years old, and yes, that's a Bren gun he's cradling. One of the school's Cadet Corps weapons, only to be used with blank ammunition, except -
But that would be telling.
No, this Intro is not about the film, which is all about deconstructing the class and privilege system, via mayhem at a public school with a whole cast of unlikeable characters. Art!
Of course - obviously! - you knew this one isn't anything to do with the real Intro, because it has a lot more to the title than merely "If". If I recall correctly, having read the short story the title is taken from, our protagonist, Dixon wells, encounters a 'Subjunctivisor' created by his old mentor Professor Manderpootz. This enables the viewer to see into the alternate realities that might have been, which in his case amounts to witnessing a lady he falls passionately in love with from afar, yet whom nev
ANYWAY enough of what this Intro's not about. Art!
It's a great cover picture, in my opinion, and since mine is the one that counts, that's what it is. "If" was one of the pulp sci-fi magazines that were around in the Fifties and Sixties and I'm guessing the one above was in the early days, since there's no dateline for publication. On the other hand, they do give a title and author, so <digging commences> yes by heck James Beck: this edition is from January 1953 and you're welcome. In fact I am going to put up another "If" cover illo, because I can. Art!
April 1955, if you cannot resolve the dateline. Note the pre-Sputnik spaceship design, very Fifties indeed, and that cherry colouration is atmospheric re-entry heating up the venturi and nose. Von Braun would have approved.
Well now, it's time to get back to the Alternate Reality that we've been harping on about so diligently of late, and specifically that volume from 1931: "If It Had Happened Differently". This, you ought to recall, was a collection of essays by historians about counterfactuals across history, so Conrad, ever curious where books are concerned, took a gander at Abebooks, the online book marketplace and GREAT GADFRY! the cost!! Art?
They want £1825.86 for this one. Dog Buns, these people know how to gouge the customer, especially as the P & P is once again ridiculously over-priced and over 4 times what the reprint cost. One presumes the original comes complete with an armed escort? and toting phased plasma-rifles in the forty-watt range given the expense?
But hist. For, whilst Googling, what did Conrad espy? A search result with the ending '-.pdf', which lead to the "Internet Archive". No, IIHHO is not out of copyright - yet. I checked and this would only happen 70 years after the death of the 'author', which would be the editor J. C. Squires in this case, I believe, and he moonwalked off this mortal coil in 1958. So by 2028 you might have trouble selling your ridiculously over-priced book. Art!
The IA has scanned and digitised the whole work and it's now available for perusal for free, which is a word Conrad likes a lot. If time permits over the weekend, I may be found reading a chapter or two of this work, making notes and reporting back to you on their narratives, the authors themselves and what I think of the whole farrago. Don't forget, this collection came out 94 years ago and reflects a very, very different world. Almost, dare I say it, an alternate reality.
The Long Day Closes Lower
Everyone's favourite neo-Nazi must be feeling as if every day has thirty-six hours, and all of them filled with horrid things, like the following. Art!
Also, he looks as if he cuts his own hair.
The Grumpy Gefreiter Grumble Grievously
We are back at his diary entries for 3 and 4 September 1944, and things are not going well for either him or the Wehrmacht in Holland, where an atmosphere of barely-contained panic prevails.
Proceed to the station. Held up by enemy air activity.
Conrad's Commentary: Yes, if the weather was at all decent, the Allied air forces would be out in force, stooging around and looking for things to strafe and explode. They especially liked trains as targets.
To Rosendaal by train. From there further progress by rail is impossible.
Conrad's Commentary: Not only would the roving fighter-bombers shoot up and destroy trains, light and medium bombers would also destroy bridges, tunnels, culverts, points and cuttings. This hampering of rail transport was a very serious problem for the Teutons as they normally transported everything by rail, lacking the fuel or trucks to move by road. Art!
That's Rosendaal in happier times.
Wild flight along the rails and roads.
Art!
This is a still from "A Bridge Too Far" and is at about the same timeframe as GGG was scribbling vindictively in his diary; there are no rails here but you can see the panicked confusion amongst troops having to march as fast as possible away from the Allied pursuit.
The Long Day Closes Glower
What follows may have been snapped early in the morning, rather than in the evening, but I've gone for the early option because that way I can upcycle the previous item's title. I think Putinpot is perhaps having an even worse day than The Musk Rat, since - well, picture first. Art!
This is a picture one of the local orcs took in the city of Engels, looking towards the airbase on that city's outskirts, where a number of Ukrainian drones hit their target. The blast was so enormous it badly damaged houses several kilometres away, and the local governor has both declared a state of emergency and evacuated a lot of the locals - without explaining why. This is because such a devastating strike can never be acknowledged by Modern-day Mordor, as it makes Dimya look like the Bunker Grandad he really is. In fact the explosion was so massive Conrad suspects the orcs were storing ordnance out in the open AGAIN, after being taught several very painful lessons in why you should not do this last year. Art!
Behold the Ruffian KH-101 cruise missile, stored at the Engels airbase. These cost a cool $13 million each, and the estimate is that up to 40 went up in a vapour. $520 million worth of melted plastic and metal slag. Imagine how many toilets could have been plumbed in with that lot.
Serendipity
That is, making an accidental discovery. Or, you might say it's a case of, as one door closes, another opens, and the one that closes catches you in the gluteus maximus as it does. Art!
The reason for this recall is that the side panels on Tesla Cybertrucks are simply glued on, and the rendered horsehoof gum isn't strong enough to keep them on. Whilst Prez Zed must be smirking a little, if not outright smiling. Art!
There we rest our laurels for today. Toodle-ooh!
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