No, This Is Not Going To Be An Intro About Exocoetidae
Which is the Latin <hack spit> term for 'Flying fish' and suspiciously close to the 'Exocet' missile of Falklands renown, neither of which we're going to get into here. You might, given the amount of military stuff that turns up in BOOJUM! be wondering if we are going to be talking about one of these - Art!
That's a Fairey 'Swordfish', for your information, from the most inaptly named engineering company ever. Yes yes yes it looks like a refugee from the Western Front that would be more at home being escorted by Biggles in his Sopwith Camel, but the Stringbag, as nicknamed, was built like a brick outhouse made of girders and railway sleepers. Art!
That's a Fairey 'Barracuda', which is quite enough of flying fish.
You see, this Intro is about hurricanes, and specifically those off the south-eastern coast of South Canada, namely Florida, which is prone to hurricanes thanks to it's proximity to deep water that is relatively warm. Occasionally, when a hurricane makes landfall, it brings along small fish in large numbers, which is the rather strained explanation of today's title. You're welcome.
One of the things about weather in This Sceptred Isle is that it may frequently be disgusting, but it is rarely dangerous, unless you are stupid enough to go out in the Scottish Highlands in a tee-shirt and trainers during a blizzard. That would count as a self-inflicted injury. Across The Pond, they have learned to deal with hurricanes that are graded in terms of severity. Art!
As mentioned in the Comments for this particular tale, Floridians don't even get off their back porch for anything under a Cat 3.
The relater of this particular tale, whom we shall dub Skin-Integrity Worrier, explained that in their particular Florida county there were three cheap chain restaurants, one of which they worked at*. The important thing about this chain is that it had originated in the North and it's corporate HQ was still based there, thus having what you might call a Yankee Perspective on things.
Then their county gets a hurricane alert on Monday. A Category 4 hurricane is moving in from the Gulf Of Mexico (Ha! take that Orange Land Whale!) and is due to make landfall by Friday. Despite this, management still scheduled staff for Friday opening, because HQ had not given permission to close. Art!
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| "Honey! It's the perfect time to go for burgers!" |
As mentioned in the Comments, who in the blue flying flip is going to go out to a cheap restaurant IN THE MIDDLE OF A HURRICANE?
Management further doubled down and stated that anyone not arriving to work on the Friday needed to arrange cover. This is manglement at it's finest, because it is the responsibility of MANAGEMENT TO MANAGE, a small point but an important one.
The two other sister restaurants in the county close. Management at SIW's repeat their mantra about turning up on Friday.
On Wednesday, staff either call out or quit, because they aren't going to wait until the last second to either evacuate inland or find proper shelters.
Management now triple down, stating that not showing up equates to being fired. "You have a job to do", declaimed to absolutely nobody paying attention, since getting a day's minimum wage is insufficient compensation for being dead. Art!
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| Hurricane track example |
Late Wednesdayll the restaurant staff then collectively rang in, as per conspiring together, and called out for the Friday, meaning only the managers would be left.
Come early doors on Thursday, management have a collective conference call with HQ in the North and Hay Pesto! they can close on Friday.
Except all the clearing of items and securing against storm damage has to be done by the few managers now left in the restaurant, because everyone else had gone and wasn't coming back to help. Art!
Yes, that sort of protection is easier done with thirty-three people than three.
Ironically, the hurricane's track swerved away from the hitherto targeted county, meaning all that management sweat and tears was all for naught. Still, they and HQ learned their lesson: at the next hurricane alert, all three restaurants closed immediately.
Again in the Comments, people emphasised how dangerous and destructive hurricanes are, giving the example of Hurricane Harvey, which hit Florida in 2017. Eight years later there are still people with no homes thanks to the damage caused.
The final word goes to another Floridian, who was talking about any idiot venturing outdoors to a restaurant: "If we venture out it's to check the damage and find what is open and serves alcohol."
Sorry, Couldn't Resist
Mopey Dick has been bloviating again, with his usual word salad that his cult interprets as they want to, mostly along the lines of 'How wise the orange'. Art!
Not in a good way, either. If you don't believe me I dare you to go and listen to a broadcast or two, and gasp that a comedy scriptwriter has gotten a gig at the White House.
From Snowiest White To Darkiest Black
One of the vloggers Conrad checks in with every so often is Ryan Kinel, he of "Ryan Kinel's Outpost" because he's amusingly irate, backs up his quotes with sources and rarely breaches the 6-minute barrier. Ryan, in common with other pundits that Conrad watches, is no fan of "Snow White" BUT, unlike said pundits, he has put together a quantitative analysis of SW's box office, to which we might add 'So far', as I'm typing this on Sunday and "Box Office Mojo" only has figures for Friday, not even including Thursday's Premiere figures. Art!
Fortunately RK came through with figures, and - they aren't very good. SW is now projected to make $50 million domestically and $50 million internationally, as compared to "The Little Mermaid" which grossed $95 million domestically at opening. Remember folks, TLM lost money.
Ryan, being ruthlessly cruel, goes on to compare the International box office takes for "Dumbo", "Maleficent" and "Aladdin" as compared to Domestic (i.e. South Canadian alone) and finds that the first made twice as much overseas, the second made three times as much overseas and the last made two times as much. By comparison, TLM only made 95% of the Domestic gross overseas. Art!
In case you can't resolve them, these are figures from Japan, where SW did very poorly by comparison with "Wicked". The same dismal performance was seen in China, France and Italy. This film seems to be the worst-performing live-action remake in all of Disney's output. Art!
The dotted lines show this is a projection, not hard data. Still, only doing as well as "Dumbo", which had a budget of $170 million and a box office return of $353 million, when your budget is north of $270 million and possibly over $300 million - the goat entrail auspices are not good. Art!
That's what the yoof call 'ratio'ed', and when 28 people dislike for every like, you have been well and truly ratioed.
Let's All Dogpile On Elong Tusk
This will probably send him back to Mommy, snivelling that the nasty cruel bloggers are being mean to him again, especially that Conrad one. Well, another crack about his Swasticar - Art!
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| A single dog does not a pile make, Muskie |
£6,000. Of course - obviously! - if you quote that in rubles it sounds a lot more impressive - ₽650,000. Mind you, in Modern-day Mordor that would purchase you a sack of potatoes, not an electric vehicle. Unless you wanted an electric scooter <bad taste joke redacted> into pieces.
Ponder this, Muskie - do they have dog sleds in Ruffia? because I see a potential market for you to move into.
Finally -
I have started reading "If It Had Happened Differently", which posits that the Moors won in late-medieval Spain, rather than King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella. Now I have to go read up about how history actually happened as this is an area of history Your Humble Scribe is not au fait with, or whatever the Spanish equivalent it.
Ah! "Estar el tanto de". You're welcome.
* I've done my usual digging but cannot identify the chain. Soz.
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