No, This Is Not What You Think
Because we're going to end up in historical territory, as I have already mentioned the Grumpy German Gerfreiter's Gripes, which might have been the alternate title for today's blog. Except it might also have put people off. Whereas 'SKepticism' is a lot more ambiguous, and yes that double capitalisation at the beginning is important. Art!
'Cozak' here does indeed refer to the Cossacks of yore. That's the same words below in Cyrillic, lest ye be unaware.
Conrad first became aware of Ol' Spaggy when he had launched his Youtube channel, which was at least partially dedicated to debunking myths about the Teutons of Second Unpleasantness vintage. There is a brand of idiot out there who maintain that the Teuton army under Herr Schickelgruber was the best army of all in the world evah evah evah, a conceit that Ol' Spaggy took great delight in debunking, due to his innate - waitforitwaitforit - skepticism. Art!
As you can see from the above, he had very much put his money where his mouth, and indeed the rest of his face was, and gone to Ukraine and contracted as a soldier. This led to an interesting drinking game when Krembots or Ruffian trolls on Twitter told him to go fight in Ukraine if he was so pro-Kyiv -
ANYWAY his contract is over so we can look forward to more debunking vlogs. What follows now are extracts from extracts from "Blood And Steel", the work I mentioned previously about Canuckistanian intelligence documents, and specifically about the incessant complaining from a Gefreiter ('Corporal' in other armies) about his fellow soldiers and officers. Ubermensch they are not. All in the spirit of Ol' Spaggy! Art?
I should clarify that the entries were not identified, and don't extend beyond September 1944, so there is every possibility that the author was killed after that date and his diary fell into Canuckistanian hands. Just so we're clear.
The diary starts when matey was based on the Dutch island of Schouwen.
25th August 1944
A propaganda officer from Corps and propaganda officer Keller of our division are on the Isle. The 'cattle dealer', our company commander, has to give a political lesson under supervision.
Conrad's Commentary: by this point in the war, when Germany was obviously losing, the Nazi's copied the Sinisters and added in political officers to their command structure, in order to provide moral stiffening. Also, calling your OC a 'cattle dealer' denotes a lack of respect and indicates potential discipline issues.
27th August 1944
Six secret wireless agents were marched through town. Anti-German feeling has grown considerably.
Conrad's Commentary: the 'agents' would have been working for the Dutch Resistance, if they were actually agents at all and not merely hapless bystanders deemed guilty by looking slightly shifty. Thus no surprise about the last sentence.
28th August 1944
The population considers us the losing side already. Baroness von Ketteler (a staff helper from Munster), a typical officer's mistress, is with a pilot officer at Zeist.
Conrad's Commentary: someone seems a touch envious here, not to mention liable for slander and defamation.
29th August 1944
The base wallahs in the big towns live more opulently and lasviciously than before. Amsterdam is now a diseased and whoring town. A tank company with aged Renault type tanks in Kruisland. The four officers of our unit have their mess in the catholic priest's house!
Conrad's Commentary: the usual gripes of a soldier about the rear-echelons, which has been a consistent theme for about six thousand years. Art!
This is the type of tank he was talking about, an obsolete French model that the Teutons acquired as war booty. Since it would have survived about 30 seconds on the battlefield in 1944, this variety was used for internal security, on the principle that a tin can is better than no tin can. Hardly what one associates with the Teuton panzer arm, hmmm Spaggy old mate?
Matey also seems a bit jealous again, in that he doesn't have a 48-hour pass to the fleshpots of Amsterdam, where his hated rear-echelon colleagues are no doubt living it large.
That's enough Grumpy Gustaf for the moment, we shall definitely be coming back to this dyspeptic whinger!
Michael Mann And His 10-Point Plan
Nothing to do with sobriety, this is Manny's list of top tips in how to make a good film and screenplay. Art!
The two important pronouns here are 'What' and 'Why', because this means characters who are more than two-dimensional ciphers and whom the audience can empathise with. If a character wants wheelbarrows of cash, why do they want so much money? Buy a big house, a big car, wear designer clothes? Very shallow motivations. If they intend to invest the money in Apple stocks and pay the dividends into a trust fund for their offspring, that's an aspiration. Although the Dow Jones may be more apt than running into a bank with a gun.
Here's Another From That 'Escalation' Video
The one that we've shown featuring stray rodeo cattle, an escaping bear and a collapsing house. This one is rather more inexorably terrifying, and is sustained rather than being a one-off over and done in a second. Art!
For the landlubbers amongst you, the horizon is - you may be ahead of me here - horizontal, and the ship's deck ought to be as close as possible to horizontal, too. Not pitched over at 30º. Art!
Furniture joins in the fun. Methinks the captain and navigator have made a boo-boo here, since the ship seems broadside-on to these horribly large waves. Art!
To every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction, hmmmm? Here the ship has rolled over in the opposite direction and those people in this lounge area are unwillingly thinking of that word that begins with "Pos-" about a ship th
I'm probably just egging the pudding here, there is no Comment on this montage saying 'Most of the passengers survived'.
Talking Of Pudding -
Your Modest Artisan adapted one of Anthony Worrall-Thompson's recipes from his 'Diabetic Cookbook', namely "Carrot and Pineapple Cake", substituting tinned mango for pineapple, because we all know Conrad hates and detests pineapple above all other inanimate objects, for it is Satan's Sinister Suppository and I will have it eradicated when I take over.
ANYWAY let's have a picture. Art!
The recipe uses Muscovado sugar, which is less bad for you than refined caster, all 110 grams of it. With the raisins and mango, one wonders what the total amount of sugar present comes to and how wafer-thin a slice needs to be to avoid the risk of diabetic coma?
Eff Around, Meet Find Out
To render that saying SFW. What am I scrivelling on about? Why, events in Europe that have followed from Elong Tusk's braying loudly in support of neo-Nazi parties across the globe. What a soreprise, which is like a surprise except a lot more painful. Art!
You'd expect the Danes to exert their conscience and moral compass over The Musk Rat, most especially because Captain Cholesterol, Muskie's best acquaintance and car salesman, is big on saying he's going to conquer Greenland, which is a territory of Denmark. You can't blame the Great Orange Land Whale for not knowing there's already a South Canadian military base at Thule in Greenland, because that would require reading about it on teh Interwebz or in a book. Art!
After DJ Tango has been braying about grabbing Greenland by the gams, and sending Paint Licker there to give away MAGA hats, his loyal lickspittle Lollard party got all of 1.1% of the vote. Not even enough for a single seat. O dear.
Mopey Dick will probably call this fake news, and that 'his' candidate won and he wants a recount, and so on, until the next bright shiny source of rare earth metals captivates his magpie mind and it'll be 'Groonlund? Never heard of it. I might have stood next to him once. I never cheat at golf.'
Finally -
Well, that's Season 3 of 'Invincible' over. Guess I'll have to find another excessively violent animated series with lots of swearing to tide me over.
Pip pip!
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