Horribly Homicidal Handrails

Perhaps 'Homicidal' Is A Tad Much

'Suicidal' isn't appropriate either, and although 'Attack of Fatal Stupidity' is accurate, it's a little long to roll off the tongue easily.

     What am I talking about?  O I thought you'd never ask!  I read quite the short and harrowing story on Youtube from a vlog titled "What's The Worst Decision You've Seen Someone Make?" and it involved -

     Handrails.  Also, an enormous drop to the Niagara River.  Art!

     This is the 'Niagara International Rainbow Bridge' that crosses between Ontario in British America, and Niagara Falls in South Canada.  Quite an impressive structure, nicht wahr?  For your information, it stands 202 feet above the river, and protects pedestrians from falling off thanks to a five-foot handrail along it's length.  Art!

Sensible-person proof

     In order to be idiot-proof, it would need to be ten feet tall with electrified barbed wire along the top, because the seven year-old narrator of this WTWDYSSM was witness to spectacular idiocy as his parent's car and others were stuck in a traffic jam along the bridge road.  One car had a complement of teenagers within, whom were soon without, larking about, mock-fighting with each other and generally horsing about.

     Conrad suspects there may have been alcohol involved.  At any rate, one of these teens, eager to prove how manly and adept he was, did a handstand on the railing.  His horrified companions shouted him down, as well they might; that handrail isn't very wide and has a noticeable curve to it.  Matey, emboldened by getting away with his balancing act once, did it again -

     And fell off.  Come on, you're not surprised, are you?  Art!

     The impact of hitting the water 200 feet below was instantly fatal.  Original Poster didn't give a date for this event, nor a name for the faller.  So, your dedicated digger Conrad spent a good five minutes looking around and seems to have found the victim.  

• In 1987, Harold Browning Jr., 22, fell from the railing of the Rainbow Bridge while attempting a handstand. He fell 45 yards into the Niagara River and disappeared.

     So, not a teenager, and thus should have known better.  Also the height was only (!) 130 feet, so perhaps done from one of the bridge shoulders?  Although another report claims it was 150 feet.  Typically, his body was not recovered until it was washed ashore 6 miles downstream in Lake Ontario.

     Sorry to disabuse you of the notion that falling into water from height is less dangerous than onto solid ground; the risks of fatal injury increase exponentially above 30 feet.  Art!

     I was reminded about another Darwin Award Winner and handrails.  The scene above is from the Mount Gambier Cave Garden Sinkhole, where there is an observation platform NOT AN ADVENTURE PLAYGROUND at the top of the site to allow visitors to LOOK NOT BALANCE.  Art!

     That handrail is exceedingly thin and, again, curved.  This did not stop Bradley Streeter in 2020 from attempting a handstand on said handrail, which not only failed, it carried him over the edge of the railing, and the only thing that stopped him was the cenote floor a hundred feet below.  It took hours to recover the body - because yes, he was exceedingly dead, despite falling a shorter distance than Harry.  Art!

   This handrail was on a ferry that was sailing on a Boston 'Booze cruise', so there was definitely alcohol involved.  Mister Dibella attempted to perform handstands on the handrail and was sternly warned down and told off by the crew.  Fortified by the sure and certain knowledge of his athletic prowess, he repeated this manoeuvre once the crew left, then fell into the harbour from a height of probably no more than 30 feet and drowned before anyone could reach him.  Art!

     Lastly, we encounter 'Molly', no surname given, whom had been an athlete and gymnastics performer in her youthful teenage years but whom had probably lost her edge by the time she hit 23.  She and her husband booked into a motel with a private balcony (as above) protected by an IRRESISTIBLE ENTICING DEADLY LETHAL handrail, which she tried to do a handstand upon.

     The fall onto a concrete floor was only 15 feet but again, she ended up as thoroughly deceased as the previous three.

     Handrails - stay very hands-off.  Handstands - do not mix with alcohol.

 

Manny And His Planny

I refer, of course - obviously! - to Michael Mann and his Ten Tips for writing and/or directing films (and television shows).  Here is Number 3:

     He doesn't only focus on violence but also criticises gratuitous sentimentality or horror.  The big shootout in "Heat" was designed as a choreographed event that was story-led, not a mere bullet-fest for the sake of it.  Tom Cruise's character in 'Collateral' is driven by an agenda and timeline, not simply revenge and blood-spilling because gore sells more.

Johnny Somalitigation

We mentioned this unpleasant character yesteryon.  He's a internet troll who seeks to get engagement by being stupid and provocative, and he took it much too far when in Korea.  South Korea, the Norks would probably have put him against a wall and shot him by now.

     This criminal involvement cropped up about 4 months ago and a whole cluster of internet people were gloating about him coming a cropper, with potentially up to 30 years in prison.  Sorry but no, he's not murdered multiple natives, so that length of sentence was never on.  Art!

     Everyone has a plan until a Sork SEAL turns up and punches them flat.

     ANYWAY there is a positive circus of people posting about Somali on teh Interwebz, none of whom like him or are positive about him. Such as? I hear you quibble?  O, try: Atozy. Rev Says Desu, Asmongold, Nuxanor, Moist Charlie, Penguinz0, Hero Hei, Legal Mindset (twice of late), Aba N Preach, Yellowflash 2 and Online Report.  Will that do?

     Not sure if I mentioned it already, but Sommo's behaviour last year had his passport impounded and being forbidden to leave Korea.  He seems to be at the Very Definitely Finding Out phase of that expression 'Eff About and Find Out'.

Elong Tusk Might Have To Busk

I made that up all by myself, can you tell?  Muskie has been frothing and fulminating on Twitter because the mean horrid people who don't like neo-Nazis are protesting and everything and it hurt his fee-fees, the poor ketamined klutz.  Art!

     The nations of Europe are now looking at Starlink and wondering if it isn't going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight.  The Poles have been making threatening noises about alternatives.  As for Tesla Self-Driving Over Miss Daisy, well the South Canadians are expressing a modicum of dislike about these vehicles.  Art!

      The Musk Rat doesn't like this, because he only wants free speech that supports him, and any criticism is obviously <insert bananas conspiracy theory here> so he'll inevitably end up blaming the Jews.  And Ukrainians, too.  And Jewish Ukrainians.  What are the symptoms of ketamine addiction again? and how are Tesla stocks doing lately?

Finally -

I had hoped to be able to post a picture of my tagine here, except when I went to take a photo, the camera cheerfully informed me that the battery charge was low and promptly turned itself off with a cheery "See You!" message.  Conrad fears this is the thin end of the sentient IT  wedge that Philip K. Dick warned us about.  So, maybe tomorrow?   And I'd better go brew that flask of Earl Grey tea and warm up a sandwich.  C Ya!