If I Were To Say "L.S.D." -

I Would First Have To Slap You Into Sensibleness

Because, being the dirty-minded guttersnipes that you are, you would inevitably read that as the abbreviation for "Lysergic Acid Di-Ethyl Amide", a semi-synthetic hallucinogen which is highly illegal, and don't forget DRUGS ARE BAD M'KAY.  Art!

Acid jazz

     No, what I meant was to do - what's that?  Why is it a 'semi-synthetic'?

     O very well.  First, to make LSD you need ergotamine tartrate, and to make ET you need ergot, which is a mould that grows on wheat.  Art!

     So, first catch your fungi.  But beware! for if you ingest any ergot you will be afflicted with what was known as 'Saint Anthony's Fire'.  This came in two varieties; with the first, victims experienced burning sensations in their limbs as well as hallucinations; with the second their circulatory system failed in peripheral organs, often leading to gangrene and DEATH.
     Okay, AS I WAS SAYING 'L.S.D.' stands for "Landing Ship Dock', a type of naval vessel used in amphibious warfare.  Art!

   This is one of three 'Bay' class LSD as used by the Royal Navy.  What makes them special is hidden in this shot, so let me motivate Art with this red-hot fork -

     As you can see, it has a well at the rear that accommodates smaller ships capable of ship-to-shore operations.  There don't appear to be any photographs of what the well looks like, so it's probably that the Senior Service like to keep it a teensy bit secret.  I do have another picture.  Art!

     A cavernous maw indeed.

     The reason these ships exist is because it is far easier and efficient to launch craft from a well than it is to lower them over the side on davits or cranes, especially if the sea is at all rough.

     And there we have it.

Today's MalCom

That's Malicious Compliance to you.  To set the scene, in South Canada wages in service jobs are usually the legal minimum, and people depend on tips to make a decent wage.  Today's Original Poster was a delivery driver for a chain pizza shop which was open 11:00 to 00:00 - midnight.  The boss was one of those graduates of the school of manglement who firmly believed that people worked more efficiently if you screamed abuse at them.  Art!

(Fake smile)

     At first the business had 16 drivers to cover a huge catchment area.  Thanks to Shouty Gobsh*** a couple quit every month and weren't replaced, Eventually OP is the only driver left, only getting home at 02:00, having customers coming into the shop getting angry at being told by SG that their order will be ready in 15 minutes when it's at least an hour, having SG being an SG, and finally calling OP a lazy <insert big swear here>.

     Bad idea.  OP dropped the stack of pizzas he was carrying, got his stuff, went outside and threw the 'topper' (see above picture) from his car into the shop and left.

     Having turned his phone off, SG by next day had sent 5 texts and a panicky voicemail from SG.  Art!

     Friday rolls around and SG calls OP to say that he's late, it's already busy and there are 20 pizzas waiting to be delivered.  After another 7 texts the latest one is "I'm gonna sue you for ruining my business and job abandonment!"

     'Job Abandonment' does not exist.

     ANYWAY SG fires OP by text - this man's skull must be denser than neutronium if he cannot realise that OP already QUIT - which means OP can file for unemployment benefits and SG is on the hook to pay these for six months.

     O but it gets better!  Apparently SG's fits of rage on Friday and Saturday caused him to lose four more staff, including his only daytime driver.  The only person left apart from him is the General Manager.

     The story's nowhere near over but I'll leave it there for the moment.  Expect part 2 shortly!

"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor has emerged from the archive building he'd been snooping about in, and is plotting mischief.

Fortunately for him, their patrolling was no longer aimed at tracking down the person responsible for damaging the trans-mat.  In fact, more and more of the bio-vores were working on the damaged pylon, fetching various unfamiliar pieces of equipment from the cuboidal building that had housed their weapons and equipment.

     He headed back to the collapsed canvas hide, glad to see that no webbed footprints led to it, remaining prone in the dark and with his gluey, gritty coat providing protection.

     A jerky movement away to his left caught his attention and he paused, trying to discern shape or movement in the dark, almost dismissing it as imagination before seeing an irregular patch of desert move forward in a flapping motion.  This peculiar motion took place twice, and by simple extrapolation the Doctor realised the strange, ungainly object had the same destination as he did - the canvas hide.

     By the time he got to the lip of the collapsed screen, the other object became less puzzling - a man hiding beneath a tent for cover, scurrying a few yards forward at a time.

     Hmmmmm I know who it is because I looked ahead, but you lot will just have to wait and see.

Back To That List Of 8 Horrors

 - supposedly spookier and scarier than Pennywise the Clown.  Well, we'll see, as Your Humble Scribe wasn't especially bothered by the first one.  Art!

Nina Madeiros from "Rec"

     Once again colour Conrad not impressed.  I've seen the film and this hag's sudden appearance has a certain shock factor, though only because it's sudden.

     Not only that, all the text on the page has suddenly gone blurred.  Conrad has probably exceeded his free views or summat.  No great loss.

Well Well Well A Great Big Sell

Here's a headline from the BBC:

Phil Collins and two Genesis bandmates sell song catalogue for a reported $300m

     And there's a picture of the gurning trio.  Art!

     What this means is that all the pop rubbish they did since the departure of Steve Hackett and especially Peter Gabriel is now owned by a record label.  Good riddance.  I hope that $100 million each means you never make another record again.  Sell-outs.  Art!

     That's them when they were prog, and good as well.

     Bah!

That Dog Buns! Crossword Again

I just need a short item here to get close to the Adjusted Compositional Ton, so here's another clue:"One of three by which they say; You'll know the Cornishmen alway".

     What's the solution?  TRE

     Yes yes yes, I bet Lord Peter Wimsey would understand it.  Conrad - not so much.  Let me consult my Collins Concise.

     Nope.  The first word to begin with TRE is TREACHERY, which I think this is.  There is a Cornish name, "TRELAWNEY", does it refer to that?

     Aha!  Google be my friend.  Art!

     Don't ask me - apparently LPW is fluent in the Cornish language.

Finally -

Conrad is pondering whether or not to take Edna for a trot.  I did take her out earlier this morning, a trot that was cut short by rain.  It's dry now, even if it's overcast and the clouds look angry.  Should we chance it?