Whilst the one with a collection of links comes in the evening. Today, as I needed to buy an essential item of domestic equipment, you got the links first.
I can hear you now - "Who cares if you need a new Proton Acclerator" "Motleys are cheaper in bulk" and "You won't need a suit because you are never going to be PM."
Well, not going to lie about that last one. Art!
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| Behold my new toaster! |
With howling irony there was no sliced bread left to toast. I suspect that one from a couple of weeks ago had gone mouldy and crawled out of the breadbin. So! I toasted a panini instead and had it with scrambled eggs.
Which Intro naturally brings me onto the fervid topic of toasters in pop culture. Art!
This is the Talkie Toaster from "Red Dwarf", which Dave Lister hates with a passion as it is a positive monomaniac on the subject of toasting. It does decapitate a monster by falling on it's front and ejecting a guillotine-blade of toast at Mach 25, though, so it's not all bad.
Then we have "The Brave Little Toaster", which if Art will put down his plate of coal -,
Conrad has not seen this and does not feel his life is any the poorer for this sad fact. What is unbelievable is that the original novella was by noted sci-fi arch-miserablist Thomas Disch, who wrote excellent yet depressing sci-fi novels, as well as poetry and theatre criticism. Art!
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| Disch doing a Henry Rollins |
Then there is Philip K. Dick's quote, where he believed the machines would take over. Not as in the classical sci-fi trope of a giant robot stomping down Main Street, but one morning you would go to use your toaster and
"This is how it's going to be from now on," the toaster would tell you. Art!
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| Not dead. "Vanished". |
There is also an episode of the television series "Starry Trek: The Next Generation" where Commander Riker has to prosecute a case against Data and prove that he's a machine. The presiding judge - they seem to be All That in the future, too - tells him that if he doesn't put sufficient effort in, she will rule that Data is a toaster.
- (Captain Phillipa Louvois) "Then I will rule summarily based on my findings. Data is a toaster. Have him report immediately to Commander Maddox for experimental refit."
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| The utter cow! |
Of course - obviously! - Your Humble Scribe could also extend the name to the Master Of Ceremonies at formal events, where he proposes a toast, which indeed makes him a toaster. However that way lies madness*.
Mind you, motley, I could do with a snifter or two of gin. Slice a lime or two and chuck 'em in a pint glass, won't you?
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| Not sure why it's a 'toast' A drink and toast are different as you can get |
All You Can Gette
Yes, I bet you thought you'd escaped any further "ETTE" shenanigans. WRONG! Not to beat about the bush, let's get cracking.
"PLANCHETTE": This, according to the CC, is a heart-shaped board on wheels that it used to spell out messages in the board-game "Ouija". It is a diminution of the French word for "Plank", i.e. "Planche". Art!
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| As used by planks |
"CREVETTE": Conrad has encountered this world many years ago, as part of a Christmas menu, and had no idea what it was, since he'd never eaten crevette. Did it come squealing, need peeling, or leave one reeling? Art!
Shell-on prawns. A bit of a disappointment to those of you who wanted to be a live 75-pound lobster you had to slay in single combat before cracking it open with a sledgehammer and crowbar.
"BAGUETTE": I know what you're expecting and you're WRONG! By the CC, it is "A small gem cut as a long rectangle." Art!
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| Great for dipping in a cup of hot Marmite |
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Doctor is attempting to explain Earthly science to the bio-vore dictator Lord Excellency Sur, keeping only just on this side of mockery.
Not wanting to seem ill-informed, Sur summoned his Head Technician, who rapidly obtained a periodic table inscribed on a flexible glass sheet the size of a bedspread.
"Circular," said the Doctor, impressed. "And also missing many elements. Here, and here, there ought to be a long series of elements called the Lanthanides and Actinides respectively."
"We have theoretical knowledge of such elements," explained the Head Technician. "From spectroscopic analysis of the stars. But they do not exist here on Homeworld."
Or at least they don't exist on the surface, the Doctor silently chided.
"These elements, particularly uranium, by virtue of their structure, can be used as fuel in nuclear reactors, to create power. A compact engine of tremendous output can be constructed by using fissile material."
Looking for confirmation from his Head Technician, Sur discovered that the wretch was looking into the middle distance, doubtless churning over the incredible possibilities of nuclear engines.
"This is possible?" asked the Lord. The technician abruptly recalled himself to the present and gave an emphatic "Yes!"
Next, the alien pointed at the Doctor and asked the obvious question, one that needed a satisfactory answer.
"Why did you come here, alien? Why did you jump into the trans-mat field? You have not explained that to anyone yet."
Expect a bit of prevarication from our favourite Gallifreyan.
Back To Doctor S. And His List Of Ships
I should point out that Mike Siegel is a practicing astrophysicist, who knows what he's talking about when it comes to spacecraft design. His next selection, as recommended by his Twitter feed, is the 'Discovery' from "2001". Art!
As he points out, this is an extremely realistic design; gigantic engines, transmission dishes for comms with Earth, a crew section well away from the engines, that has a centrifugal section to provide a simulation of gravity, and three small shuttle-craft for external operations. The reason it's so well-designed is that Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrik went through a ton of pre-production planning and layouts to get it right. Classed as Enjoy The Ride.
Next was <drum roll cymbal crash> the T.A.R.D.I.S. Art!
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| What's not to like? |
How can such a workaday object be invested with such gravitas and majesty?
Actually, talking of majesty, HM Queen Elizabeth made a formal note in the Eighties that the people responsible for axing "Doctor Who" would NEVER EVER get a knighthood for getting rid of one of her favourite shows. Way to go Queenie, we here at BOOJUM! will back you up on that.
ANYWAY Dr. S. is also a huge fan of the show, and makes no bones about it. First to be in the Please Abduct Me! status.
Finally -
Conrad finished watching Season One of "Missing: The Other Side" last night, and very poignant it was, too. If you watch it, be prepared for a lot of the characters crying, because we're dealing with unresolved murder, including that of children. We don't know where the characters from Duon Village go once they 'move on' after their bodies are discovered, although the suspicion is that it's to Heaven because these are good people.
ANYWAY I now have to find another Sork genre series to follow, because Dog Buns! there's a ton of them. I'm favouring "Glitch" at the moment. Art!
I will, inevitably, let you know.
* Or a series of items going until ad nauseum falls over and dies. Which would be bad.
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