Mist Not Missed

 For Those Unfortunate Enough To Not Be Native English Speakers -

(We will give the South Canadians a pass here) these two words are pronounced in very similar ways.  I know what you're thinking - "Mist: a thin fog resulting from condensation in the air near the earth's surface" and "Missed: Having failed to reach hit, meet, find or attain an objective or entity."

     You may think you're so clever, when actually you're WRONG.  Art!

     This, gentle reader, is the Antonivka Mist, which is Ukrainian for "Antonivka Bridge" and you're probably wondering what Conrad is driving at.  

     Okay, the Antonivka Mist was constructed in 1985 and spans the River Dnepro at a point where the river is a kilometre wide.  It is made from reinforced concrete and because it also crosses the riverbank, it is 1,300 yards long.  It was opened on Christmas Eve 1985, a date that the Sinister Union probably liked ignoring but this is Ukraine we're talking about and I bet there were a few vodka toasts that night.

     ANYWAY as you may have dimly perceived, there is currently a war going on in Ukraine, with about 25,000 Ruffians on the north bank of the Dnepro who used the Antonivka Mist as a Main Supply Route as it runs directly into the city of Kherson.

     Enter July 2022 and Mister HIMARS puts in an appearance.  Art!

Truly poetic

     The Ukrainians absolutely PUMMELLED this bridge.  It's only 20 yards wide but it's been hit (I think) with eight separate HIMARS strikes, so up to 48 rockets.  They aren't powerful enough to destroy a complete span but they have turned the bridge into something resembling concrete Swiss cheese.  Art!

     What is my point?  Only that this much-abused structure is STILL STANDING.  Those Sinisters - Ukrainian Sinisters - could put together a sturdy structure when they felt like it.  One wag on Youtube suggested the builders be given the Nobel Prize in Physics for how robust this bridge is.

     Then we come to the Kerch Bridge.  More correctly, 'Bridges' since there is a road and rail bridge that run side-by-side.  Art!

     This structure was opened in 2018 to tremendous fanfare, as Peter The Average deemed it an enormous propaganda success, linking Ruffia proper to Crimea.  At the time when Ruffia's pension age was raised the joke was "Where is your pension?  You got the Winter Olympics and the Kerch Bridge, there's your pension.'  Amongst other things, it was used to supply Crimea with water via tanker when the Ukrainians cut off their water supply.

     And this morning Your Humble Scribe awoke, leapt out of bed with a song on his lips, fired up his laptop and felt his jaw suddenly scrape the carpet.  Art!

GREAT SQUEAKING BATS!

     Yes, that's a series of fuel tanker wagons on fire.  The perspective on the road bridge isn't very good here, let me cattle-prod Art into consciousness.

     Yup, two whole spans are now at the bottom of the Kerch Straits.  Nobody yet knows how this was done, and the Ukrainians are whistling nonchalantly whilst trying to look innocent, but compare and contrast this bridge with the Antonivka Mist.  It begins to look as if the Kerch one was constructed with all the care and attention of drunken cowboy builders.

     This is a disaster for the Ruffians on two levels.  One is of propaganda: Bloaty Gas Tout is going to be enraged that his bridge has been rendered in twain, because it amounts to the Ukrainians thumbing their nose at him on the world state.  Two, logistics: Crimea is now physically cut off from Ruffia.  The only way out now is via the land corridor along the Black Sea coast; expect to see lots more panicky Ruffian 'tourists' fleeing this way.  They could try marine transport, which is achingly slow, or fly stuff in by air, which is extremely expensive and it's dubious whether they have the capability or capacity.

"President Zelensky offered a supply of marshmallows"

     Dimya very rarely drinks.  I think he might make an exception today.

BOOJUM! Reviews Stuff

Covering myself as these titles might be television serials, rather than films.  Let me refresh your memory about these reviews.  We generalise hugely, go by title alone and make things up if it seems funny.  Funny to us; your sense of humour is entirely irrelevant.

"Don't Worry Darling": Ah, Rule Number One for a horror film is ignore the title, because paying attention to the title will get you killed.  This is so obviously a slasher film where the husband is a serial killer of his new brides, until the Plucky Heroine turns the tables and foils him, except when the police go to pick up his body it's not there then they can have an inevitable sequel: "Do Worry Darling"

Look at those cold, cruel eyes.  O and his as well.

"SMILE": Another horror film.  Let me guess, the title is a post-modern ironic conceit with an existential twist?  Less of a smile, more a rictus?  The tagline is "Once You've Seen It, It's Too Late" - what if you're blind?  What if, like Conrad, you are incredibly short-sighted and don't have your glasses on?  What if you stare at the ground by habit?  What if you're already terminally ill?  

     Bah!

"Mrs Harris Goes To Paris": Not much of a story there.  Now, if Paris had gone to visit Mrs. Harris, that would be a tale to be told!

Imagine this turning up on your doorstep!

"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor is attempting to get atop the enormous alien structure dubbed The Temple, for reasons we have yet to discern.

With a desperate heave, he flung himself up and over the edge of the temple roof, onto the flat upper surface, utterly spent.  For several minutes he was too tired to move from the edge, even though he lay next to a very long drop.  After recuperating, he slowly crawled to a safer position, massaging his arms and breathing in a yoga pattern.

     Timing, once again, was critical.  So, too, were accurate measurements.  Using a telescopic pointer, the Doctor carefully measured the length of the Temple roof, peering slowly over the far end when he came to it, which overlooked the trans-mat platform.

     A few bio-vores were using thermal tools to seal the pylon shut, plating the delicate interior with fused silicon appliques.  With a shock, the Doctor realised they had finished repairs already.  He had made it to the roof only just in time!

     The bio-vores first order of business would be a test-despatch, back to their home-world.  To judge by the aliens disappearing into the nearest scientific station, that despatch would be soon.

     Three blasts on the siren, recalled the Time Lord.  If he misjudged this, the best he could hope for would be serious injury; the worst, instant death at the hands of the aliens.  He paced out the correct length on the roof.

     You may see where this is going ...

Another From That Lord Peter Wimsey Crossword

Here's the clue: "Watch him go, heel and toe; Across the wide Karroo!"

     And I'm not going to tell you the answer until the next blog, since I'm feeling particularly horrid this afternoon.  Tee hee!