As They Used To Say On "Blue Peter"
Today's Intro begins with a - what's that? To what do I refer when I mention "Blue Peter"? <heavy sigh>
Okay, anyone who asks this question is clearly not living within the hallowed boundaries of This Sceptred Isle. It's a children's television program that first aired who-knows-when - O go on then <Googles> 1958. 1958? Wow. Older than I am. Art!
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| The marque |
No idea why it was called Blue Peter or why they have a ship as the program's emblem and frankly that's more info than you deserve. One of their trademark activities was making an item from common household items, with the priviso that they couldn't use the word "Sellotape" as it was a branded name and mentinoing it would have been ADVERTISING which as any fule kno is not allowed on the BBC. At some point in the proceedings one of the presenters would proudly produce An Artefact with the words "Here's One I Made Earlier". Art!
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| Val, Val, The Delicious Gal |
Where the heck were we?
O yes. There was an interesting question posed on Quora (a place to be avoided AT ALL COSTS if you don't want your day to be eaten up) about underestimating the Ruffians.
How could Your Humble Scribe resist? That's right, I couldn't. Allow me:
You are labouring under a misapprehension. In all three cases you give Russia was being invaded.
Today, Russia is invading Ukraine. This means the traditional Russian rallying-point around ‘Holy Mother Russia’ does not exist.
Nor were the Swedes, French or Germans especially close to Russia (and Ukraine).
You have left out the Poles, who managed to conquer Moscow in 1610, and who would be quite prepared to repeat this feat as of 16:1 today.
Every word true. You may not be aware of the Poles conquest of Moscow, yet it happened. Art!
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| Note winged hussars in background |
The crucial battle was at Kluszn, where a smaller yet elite Polish cavalry formation routed the Ruffians, and to quote Wiki: "This giant and surprising defeat of the Russians shocked everyone and opened a new phase in the conflict." Hmmmm history seems to be repeating itself ...
Once again, you are probably not familiar with the Great Northern War (1700 - 1721), which occurred when Sweden was a major military power in Europe, with territory on the south coast of the Baltic and a formidable commander-in-chief in King Charles XII. Fortunes swung this way and that, as they were wont to do in eighteenth century warfare, but the main Swedish army was destroyed at the battle of Poltava. As you may be aware, this is in modern-day Ukraine, which gives you some idea of how far the invading Swedes got. Art!
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| No Peter The Average here! |
Then we come to Nappy. His "Grande Armee" invaded Russia in 1812 and discovered that the Ruffians weren't interested in a stand-up fight against the best general general in Europe. Instead they continually fell back, mounting harassing raids and destroying supplies. Then came the enormous blood-bath that was Borodino, mounted outside Moscow; Nappy won, at very heavy cost, and was able to occupy Moscow - which was then burned down. The by-now "Petite Armee" then had a hellish retreat across Russia in winter. Art!
Nappy, concerned for his own skin as only a dictator can be, got into his own private sleigh and abandoned his army, escorted by Polish cavalry who knew something about winter warfare and who used rough-shod hooves. Art!
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| Schematic of the Armee invading and then retreating reflecting numbers |
The last of these names, Herr Schickelgruber, didn't even manage to reach Moscow, after stabbing his bestie in the back in June of 1941. You see, whilst Ruffians may not be willing to work for their nation, if you invade they are quite happy to die for it.
Well that was all pretty grim. Bring on the light and frothy!
More On The Theme Of "Empty Spaces"
Without further ado - Art!
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| Courtesy An-Son Vu Wurdemann |
The photographer describes this as "Exploring an abandoned bunker in Kent", which we'll have to take on trust as they didn't think to use flash here. It's also NOT a practice Your Humble Scribe would recommend as this structure could be over eighty years old, will doubtless be full of rubbish and probably stinks to high heaven. Whatever floats your boat.
Conrad: Still Righteously Rancourous
You'll have to take me seriously now. I have proof PROOF I TELL YOU of how Codeword Compilers are most definitely testing my patience. Art!
"IBIS": WHAT ARE WE ALL ORNITHOLOGISTS NOW? Art!
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| A.k.a. 'The blackhead bird' |
"LYNX": A four-letter word with no vowels? BAH! However, they've over-used this word so Conrad is aware that the letter after "L" might be a "Y" instead of a vowel.
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| A vowel movement? |
"RAY": Neither Liotta nor Winstone. No, instead a variety of fish. Art!
If it was cooked in a mixed fish dish you might end up with a Ray Bream.
"The Sea Of Sand"
Whether the alien Sorbusa likes it or not, he's getting a lecture on morals and ethics from the Doctor.
"I mean, Sorbusa, that your culture, or the culture of eight thousand years ago, looked for the quick-fix solution. They never asked "How do we maintain this world?" Instead they intended to export their problem. They never asked "What are the answers in the long term?" Instead they tried to fudge things for today, not tomorrow. They never asked "What right have we to take what does not and will not belong to us?" Instead they tried to take regardless. They never asked "Why should we surrender our consciousness and liberty?" Instead they -"
" - acquiesced," finished the Doctor, startled at being whisked away from his cell so suddenly. He found himself under the guns of a guard quartet, who escorted him away from the spartan trans-mat corridor and into the altogether more luxurious quarters of Lord Excellency Sur.
For this appearance of the prisoner, the aristocrat had adopted a full cloak, and had two similarly-clad companions sitting on either side of him on stone benches, looking slightly flustered.
This time the organic matter in the trench, under the Doctor's feet, seemed fresher and crispier than on the previous occasion. His attention was on the three bio-vores, but the unpleasant crunching underfoot sounded ominously as if other prisoners had been Eviscerated. One particular footfall hurt his sole, and he struggled to avoid expressing any pain as he walked towards Sur. Whatever could that have been?
Pay attention, it's pivotal to the plot.
Finally -
I had better get cracking on that Beef Bulgogi this afternoon, my remaindered beef joint thawed out a couple of days ago and will probably need a wash down to ensure there's no slimy glop left on it. Sorry if that's an image you can't unsee. Art!
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