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Saturday 29 October 2022

O Delicious Schadenfreude!

 <Sniggers Nastily To Himself>

I've seen this kind of thing happen once before, and read about it, too.  

     Okay, The Mansion's other inhabitants are off on a cruise, which means they need a handy-dandy chauffeur to whiz them to Manchester Airport, which is actually miles and miles away from Gomorrah-in-the-Irwell.  Art!

Fire training on the fake hull

     Of course - obviously! - when I'd gotten there I had to drive back again, because teleportation is not yet a thing.  Whilst in traffic on the M60 at Stockport some petrol-brain in a SUV came whizzing up behind me, then overtook on the inside, darted into a barely-sufficient space between two vehicles in the outside lane - if the vehicle in front had braked there'd have been an immediate pile-up.  Then Mister Idiot darted back into the middle lane, to carry out another undertaking, and then - you may be ahead of me here - darted across lanes to get in front of traffic and then went off at a good 90 m.p.h.  This kind of idiocy is bad enough in normal conditions and is far riskier on a wet road surface as today's was.

     This is generally the best place for bumbletucks like this  - well away from the rest of us drivers.

     Conrad continued on for a couple of miles, then saw flashing red lights up on the incline on the M60 beyond Stockport.  When I passed the source of these it transpired to be a police car, and guess what?  They had pulled over the bonehead in his SUV.  You can believe that Conrad burst out laughing.  If I'd been a passenger I would have tried for a photo.  Art!

HAR HAR HAR!

     Console youself, bumbletuck, that at least getting a ticket, fine and points on your licence has allowed BOOJUM! to create an hilarious Intro.


I Wonder - Would Yogi Enjoy Beef Bulgogi?

No!  Not Yogi Berra - that was his nickname because of his surname, he was actually christened Lawrence Peter Berra.  South Canadian baseball player if y

     ANYWAY I meant Yogi Bear.  Art!


     That's one of the Hanna-Barbera conventions in play right there, the perverts - NO UNDERWEAR.  Not only that, anthropomorphising a bear into a loveable, cute, intelligent animal SETS DANGEROUS PRECEDENTS.  Imagine a five-year old in the South Canadian forests, who comes across a bear.  "It's Yogi!" babbles the child enthusiastically.  Mister Bear, on the other hand, sees a walking dinner.  Or snack - they're only five years old.

     ANYWAY Yogi's salient feature is being eternally on the hunt for food.  This is true of bears in real life; South Canadian Park Rangers recommend campers hang their food from a tree branch in a bag rather than keep it in their tent.  Art!


     This is Beef Bulgogi, another Korean dish I've had a bash at.  You have a pound of beef slice up and left to soak in a marinade.  The marinade combines garlic, ginger, mirin, soy sauce, sriracha flakes, chilli paste, sugar and sesame oil.  It's very tasty and definitely different DESPITE Wonder Wifey dismissing it as a "Stinky Stew".  Definitely a dish outside Yogi's normal diet.

     Which leads me to -


It's A Process

I mentioned the marinade above.  There is no way I'm going to try and blend it all by hand, so I did it in my food-processor's 'herb-chopper', which is a miniature blender.  The problem is that the rubber gasket at the bottom that seals it in has gone missing, so it leaked soy sauce when I blitzed it.  As evidence - Art?


     I used to be able to switch over the gasket from my big blender, except that's gone missing, too.  So if I used that, it would leak, too.  Art!


     This is the whole old food-processor assemblage.  It's about twelve years old now, and every time you fire it up there's an unpleasant smell of excessively hot electrical insulation, hinting that this time it might explode.

     So, on the way back from the airport I stopped off at Argos, Elk Mill iteration.  Surprise!  They don't have catalogues, slips of paper and horrid cheap biros any longer, it's all done via a monitor.  Art!



     We shall see what domestic drudgery this will help with.

     Thank you for listening to Conrad's domestic woes.  It will count for you when I take over.


"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor has now been summonsed to act as combined amusement and illuminator in front of a trio bio-vore aristocrates.

"Thedoctor!  Tell us about 'aircraft'!" boomed Sur, expansively darting a glance at the aristocrats to his flanks.  "Not the creature but the construct!"

     I am being paraded as a trophy, and a combination of encyclopaedia and performing monkey! realised the Time Lord.  Did I really tread on a metal object in that dreadful trench?

     "There are two varieties of aircraft," he began, thinking and talking about two different subjects simultaneously, not an easy feat by any means, even for him.  

     A metal artefact from within the body of a bio-vore.

     "Lighter-than-air and heavier-than-air.  Generally, referral to aircraft is to the latter."

     From a bio-vore of five thousand years ago, when metals were less scarce.

     "You may consider an aircraft to be an aerodynamically vehicle designed for rapid transit through the atmosphere, both powered and unpowered.  In the latter case it is known as a 'glider'.  

     It must be a prosthesis of some kind, an internal implant because external metallic objects were confiscated from the prisoners.  

     "Powered aircraft may utilise propellers or jet engines, the latter giving much greater performance at the cost of increased complexity and fuel requirements."

     A prosthesis robust enough to not deform under his weight, which must mean a limb support.

     Just try it yourself and see how you fare.  It isn't easy!


I Did Post Briefly About This

There's an hilarious short video on Youtube about a huge husky being given a bath, and the dog not only hates every second, but is seriously considering making it a case at the International Criminal Court in the Hague.  Art!

Reluctance personified
"This is an outrage!"
The Hell of hairdrier
"I will die trying but I WILL get that hairdrier!"

     It's even more hilarious when you have the sound on and said husky is complaining bitterly.  Herein the link:

Husky almost dies at the pet groomers - YouTube


Siegel's Spaceships

We've had a bit of an hiatus on this subject, so let's dive back in and see what Dr. S's Twitter fans had recommended he review for accuracy or coolness.  Art!

That is one fugly ship.  From "Firefly"

     It looks like a cross between an insect and a turkey embryo.  The Doc likes it because it's a grimy old clunker that looks lived-in, because it is lived-in, it's as much a home as a spaceship.  It goes in the Please Abduct Me file.

     Under Fails At Max Q is "Spaceball One" from "Spaceballs", which Conrad has never seen, although Dr. S seems to think it has merit.  It features in the parody opening where this gigantic spaceship keeps moving in front of the camera for what seems like 30 seconds.  Art!



Finally -

I need to put this to bed and go get lunch, and to check if we have any full-sized potatoes in the box, because Conrad now has unfettered access to the air-fryer and has even been checking out how it operates and what you can do in it.  Chips, for one thing.  However, you cannot make them from diddy little salad potatoes.









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