You May Not Be Able To Teach An Old Dog New Tricks -

But You Can Certainly Point It At Novel Film And Television Programs

Of course - obviously! - the old dog in this case is Conrad, whom has attained the honourable total of 60 orbits around the sun - I understand you Hom. Sap. call these 'Birthdays' - and doesn't care who knows it.  In fact being this old allows me to be randomly horrid and then blame it on age*.

ANYWAY today The Mansion's occupants drove down to deepest darkest Northenden, which ironically is to the south of us here on the high hills, in order to meet up with Darling Daughter and Quiet Tom.  Art!

     This is us at the Gardener's Arms, which was sparsely attended enough for us to have a corner all of our own.  "It's for the blog," explained Sal when I asked to take a photo - I did ask, not just presume - and she was ever so correct.  Not that she ever reads BOOJUM! - how does that phrase from Billy Shakeshaft go?  "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is, to have a thankless child".  Yeah, you and me, Billy, you and me against the w

     ANYWAY one of the things that Sal and Tom update their elders and (possibly) betters on is worthy films and television series to binge on.  Thus I was informed about 'The Final Girls', and if Art can put down his plate of nutty slack -

     This film apparently subverts the slasher horror film trope that, at the end of the film, there is one final girl left alive, usually the virtuous, secretly-hot, virgin rather than someone wearing body armour and wielding an AR15.  Sounds interesting.  Then there was 'Yellowjackets'.  Conrad thought this might be a drama about construction workers wearing hi-vis tabards - but no.  Art!

You have a wasp upon you

     A drama about - wasps?  As in White Anglo Saxon Protestants?  A polemic about politics and patriarchy?

     Sorry, no.  This is a psychological thriller (it says here) about a female soccer team who crash in the Canadian wilderness and are stuck there for nineteen MONTHS.  Hey c'mon, British America is big I grant you that - but over a year and a half?  No signal fires?  No "HELP" carved into a hillside?  No assembling a radio transmitter from empty tuna tins and copper wiring?  Conrad reserves judgement.

     Then another suggestion came up: "Our Flag Means Death", which Sal described as 'heart-warming'  SSSCCCCRRRRCCCHHHHHHH 

     'Heart-warming' and 'Our Flag Means Death' do not naturally go together.  Can a series about an eighteenth-century aristocrat turned pirate be all that?  Art!

     Guess I'll have to watch it to find out.

     Then we had "Antebellum" which I was told is a time-travel film.  To you the reader, unless you are based in South Canada, the title won't mean much, so allow me to elucidate.  It is Latin <hack spit> for 'Before the war' and refers to the South in it's slave-owning days before the South Canadian Civil 'Special' Military Operation.  Art!

     I am told that there is a twist in the tale that means I shall like it, so Your Humble Scribe is staying WELL CLEAR of any precis or synopsis about this film.  I may even let you know.

     Motley! break out the juggling balls and the chainsaws, we're going to get a bit of practice in.  I'll be taking the balls**.

Back To Weasels

I had to add this item in, after we'd done another on 'Pop Goes The Weasel'.  Wiki, that font of all knowledge, states that there was a boat entered into the Durham Regatta in June of 1852 with this name, which is months before the song entered the public consciousness.  One wonders how they knew that, as a Google search for same brings back nil results.  Art!

Boats, racing.

     Excuse me whilst I go sort out the laundry.  O my exciting rock 'n' roll lifestyle, hmmm?

Conrad - Still Hates All Musicals And Eurovision Too

Your Humble Scribe is not discriminatory in his dislikes, all musicals are awful, and so is that farrago the Eurovision Song Contest.  A plague on both your houses!  One has to say, however, that the results from the other night are another giant V-sign to the Ruffians and Bloaty Gas Tout, because Ukraine won.  Art!

     The poor beggars need any fillip they can get, frankly, and although I will go out of my way to never hear this song in my lifetime, it is amusing to think of Dimya, snacking on <insert Ruffian snack here> and then throwing it at the television.  You can imagine the judgement process.

RUFFIA: But - but - we weren't allowed  to

EUROVISION JUDGES: NO.

RUFFIA: It's so unfair! We could h

EUROVISION JUDGES: WHICH PART OF 'NO' IS UNCLEAR?

RUFFIA:  Fine!  Have it your way.  We have nuclear weapons.

UKRAINE: Do you?  What's the melody like?  The bass-line?  Are there tarradiddles?

RUFFIA: <cries and runs away>

EUROVISION JUDGES: Ruffia - Nil points

O that's cruel

For Your Information

Just to give you a little background, Your Humble Scribe is on the late shift next week, i.e. 10:00 - 18:10, and in Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell to boot, which means I am cast upon the flint-like mercies of First Bus, and may not get home until 19:45.  Conrad will probably aim to get in early and begin the blog before starting work, hacking out a bit more at lunchtime.  Be aware that the struggle is real***.  Art!

Conrad's morning ride

Finally -

More musings from your military moderator.  As a disclaimer, Conrad is not and never has been a soldier, principally because he is a massive, slow-moving target and is a huge coward as well.  Someone who shrieks in panic at the sight of a spider is unlikely to be capable of laying down hurt on his fellow man.  Having said that, allow me to copy in an item on the BBC website.  Art!

     O! D'you think so?  We are into day 80 of Tsar Poutine's 'Special' Military Operation, which was supposed to last 3 days, 7 tops.  Dimya launched his SMO in order to stop Ukraine joining NATO because 'rant rave froth no NATO borders with the Sovie - with Ruffia blah blah blah'.  Now Finland has joined - O and what's this?  Art?

     Sweden didn't need to do this, they have no common border with the Sinis - with Ruffia, and could have hidden behind Finland, yet they chose to go for NATO membership.  They have a large and very well-equipped army which is yet another headache for Bloaty Gas Tout.  Let's hear it for his Special Military Adviser!

Actually, Dimya - PANIC!

* Also gin.

**  WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS!

***  Not sure which struggle where or when, it just sounds good.