Nope, Sorry
Because the stupidity of Hom. Sap. knows no limits, there is guaranteed to be a conspiracy theory out there that Pepsi and Coca have put satanic mind-control nanobots in their carbonated swill, that enable them to - make people drink more pop? Take over the world? Discover where the Lapp goes when he stands up? Who knows. Swivel-eyed loonwaffles tend not to be very logical or consistent. Art!
So no, this is not about eeeeevil corporations taking over the world. Conrad cannot tell the difference between either of them, for what it's worth.
ANYWAY there I was on the bus home from Oldham (can't remember my hilarious nickname for it) wondering what on earth I could put in today's Intro, whereupon Steve and Oscar came to the rescue with -
AGRICOLA.
NO! This is not a plant-based carbonised swill made by either company ("Agri-" Cola). Do keep up. My Collins Concise describes him thus: "Gnaeus Julius Agricola, 40 - 93 AD, Roman general, governor of Britain who advanced Roman rule north to the Firth of Forth". Art!
The surname is Latin <hack spit> for 'A farmer' which is pretty incongruous, as Ol' Aggie came from a noble background where his father was involved in politics, and he spent his professional career in the Roman army. So no, he didn't invent carbonated swill. Doubtless, again, there is a conspiracy theory - quite a niche one - that hold he invented Coca Cola but the Pepsi company suppressed it for almost two millenia -
There's more. For what is the name of that South Canadian town? Ah yes -
PENSACOLA.
Well, city. It's in Florida on the shoreline of Escambia County (says Wiki). Art!
This particular portion looks rather dodgy. What if the seas get up? You could get out of your hotel bed and be going for a swim without having to go to the pool.
ANYWAY let's do the Wiki thing and give you a few facts about the city. It's population is about 52,000 though this is from a census two years old so has inevitably gone up by now. It was founded as the first Spanish settlement on the South Canadian continent in 1559 but was abandoned when hit by a hurricane SEE WHAT DID I TELL YOU. It was successively occupied by the French, we Brits (it's finest moments I tell you), the Yankees and the Rebs. O, and the first South Canadian naval air station was established there. January 1914 for the curious.
What's that? O the name. It comes from the name of a Native American tribe who spoke Muskogean and was bestowed by the Spanish in 1677. Nothing to do with carbonated swill ON THE SURFACE.
Then we have the -
KOLA PENINSULA. Art!
Part of Russia, don't you know. I don't know where the name comes from, but I bet the Sinisters tried to extort money from the South Canadians, claiming it was copyright circa 1382.
Right, I think that's enough whimsical nonsense for an Intro, let us move on. Motley! Bring me my gin ewer!
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
It's been a while. I made a note on 30/03/2022 about films to review and haven't done anything about this since then. Shockingly remiss! Let us review the rules: 1) We go by the title 2) We make things up 3) If in doubt, we lie. That being so -
TURNING RED: Aha, I bet this one was funded by Tsar Poutine, he who longs for Sinister Union 2.0. Or - is it A Dreadful Warning about the perils of excessive sunbathing? Aha, got it! It's a horror film where the sun turns deadly and anyone caught in it's rays shrivels up and dies - in other words a rip-off of "Into The Night". Art!
Remember. Hom. Sap. = stupid
OPERATION MINCEMEAT: Let me guess, in the future lemons and oranges become extinct, so there is no lemon peel or orange peel to make mincemeat with, except a crack team of geneticists and biologists and farmers are going to Dog Buns! well bring them back BUT CAN THEY DO IT IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS! Definitely a comedy thriller. And one character will be a Ruffian and everyone thinks he's a spy and saboteur but it turns out to be the fat sweath white boss with BO and jowls. Art!
Or perhaps not. Gosh, what a sombre and deadpan crowd they are. Bet they don't get invited to parties! Quick - change the subject -
SCREAM: I'm not going to bother reviewing this one as the poster has a release date of January 14th on it. Obviously whoever is in charge of updating bus posters at First Bus is doing a pretty shoddy job of it. Colour me unsurprised.
Seventy-Nine Years Ago
They were ardently reading "The War Illustrated", and now you are, too. Before the days of the internet and camera phones people had to buy these collections of pulped wood and ink. Art!
Here they post a bit of puff about the battle for the Mareth Line, which was a lot harder than they intimate, and not successful in it's initial stages. The infantry you see here in a trench are the redoubtable Durham Light Infantry, whom the Axis came to respect and fear. Below that you see one of the ubiquitous British army Bren Carriers, passing by a wrecked building, with the signage being in French, for Tunisia was a French colony. This alone is a sign that things were not going well for the Axis as it meant the Eighth Army were now out of Libya and in Tunisia, and they'd defeated an attempt to hold them back at the shortest and best-defended stretch of land between the sea and the interior mountains.
Finally -
As ever, Your Humble Scribe continues to pontificate about Tsar Poutine's 'Special' Military Operation, so if the whole thing both bores and horrifies you, DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AWAY! Because - consequences*. Art!
One of the Beast's 'Cheat Sheet' articles mentioned an eavesdropped phone call from an unhappy Ruffian soldier, bemoaning the fact that the Rosgvardia units previously present had all been withdrawn, and calling them 'special forces'.
NO THEY ARE NOT! They are emphatically not. They are actually internal security troops, whose skill set involves beating, torturing and detaining unarmed protestors. They seem to have been sent into Ukraine to beef up the numbers, and potentially to act as garrison troops in order to free up regular soldiers. Consequently, when ambushed, they run like schoolgirls to get away from the nasty men with guns. Art!
This comes from a Youtube video which is like Benny Hill with blood and bullets, showing how embarrassingly inept the Rosgvardia are. Yes, chaps, dealing with people who can shoot back is a bit different from applying a truncheon to some hapless protesters kidneys, isn't it? No wonder they've been withdrawn. I made sure to notify The Daily Beast about their inaccurate description, too.
There, we've made Dimya weep over his buckwheat groats, so our job here is done.
* O! such consequences.
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