As The Old Joke Goes
You know, "I say I say I say, what do you call a man with an axe in his head?"
"I don't know, what do you call a man with an axe in his head?"
"Dead."
Hmmmm perhaps a little dark, yet it gets the point across. Sorry, but life isn't all rainbows and sunshine, there are tornadoes, flash floods and earthquakes. Fortunately none of these violent affairs take place in the Allotment of Eden, as we like things well-mannered here. Art!
Mind you, there are 25 SAS troopers hiding here
Where was I? O yes. Josephine Tey. You may already know her name if you're a fan of murder mysteries, especially ones of the Golden Age. She was a contemporary of Agatha Christie, though with more style and wit and better characters. Conrad first came across her when he read "The Franchise Affair", one of five books by different authors in a case purchased from a charity shop, and I was immediately impressed. Art!
You ought to know Conrad by now, he has poor impulse control, so last week when I bought "The Man In The Queue" by Ol' Joey I sat down and finished it the next day <hangs head in guilty shame>. There are a few interesting things about it; for almost the whole novel - O go ahead Art -
There. Happy now?
- we are distracted by red herrings, and the reveal of the murderer is a real surprise, so much so I shall have to go back and re-read it with that fact in mind. Don't worry, no spoilers here. Another aspect of this novel is that it was published in 1929, ninety-three years ago, which means a few strange words are present that I couldn't be bothered to look up. If I do re-read it you can bet your anal-retentive Wellington boots that Your Humble Scribe will be taking notes.
Here an aside. The film "Paranoiac", a lurid 1963 thriller starring Ollie Reed, is loosely based on Ol' Joey's "Brat Farrar", and she would have been horrified at the liberties taken with her source material. However, since she died in 1952 there was no legal bother, though one might hope that the writer and director was haunted by a chorus of disapproving tuts with a Scottish accent. Art!
And I think with that we have oversteyed our welcome. Ha! Do you see wh - O you do.
The Ukulele
No, nothing to do with Ukrainians, that comes in "Finally" down below. No, Conrad was walking Edna one afternoon and the thought came into his mind "Where does the ukulele come from?" because Steve and Oscar never rest. Art!
The article itself
My trusty Collins Concise describes it as "A small four-stringed guitar, especially of Hawaii. The name, it says here, is Hawaiian for 'Jumping flea', presumably an allusion to the players fingers on the frets. The design comes from Portugal and was introduced into Hawaii by Portuguese immigrants. I'm sure there's a punchline in there if you look hard enough. Art!
The immortal George Formby stormed the gates of fame whilst wielding an ukulele I'll have you know <minute's silence for George>.
That's enough uke for today.
Meanwhile, Back In Tunisia
We embrace "The War Illustrated" of May 1943 again, and return to the montage photo that they like to have in each edition. Art!
For One Item Only -
Conrad will acknowledge that the American Revolutionary War occurred and that we lost it because otherwise none of this would make sense. You see, the American media are obsessed with the British monarchy. The Daily Beast never fails to provide gossip about what colour hat HM THE QUEEN is wearing and what the implications are for the constitutional monarchy and O look there's Harry, etcetera. As proof - Art!
Told you, unhealthily obsessed. WELL YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DOG BUNS! REVOLTED THEN SHOULD YOU.
A well-deserved Bah! from Conrad.
"Pop Goes The Weasel"
Ah yes, the never-ending process of things turning up in my mind for no good reason. You may know this song as a children's nursery rhyme; my Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable holds that it originated as a song for adults.
"The Eagle" refers to a tavern that used to be on the City road, and yes there were wicked and wanton people consuming alcohol in there. They got their drinking money by pawning - also known as 'Popping' whatever the mysterious 'weasel' was, because it certainly wasn't a rodent, live or dead. BDOFAP suggests it may have been a tailor's iron. Art!
Finally -
You may skip this bit where Conrad bloviates about Tsar Poutine's 'Special' Military Operation in Ukraine, now in Day Seventy-Four of a campaign that he expected to last seventy-four hours. Of course it is the Ruffians annual Victory Parade in Red Square, where their show-pony regiments that do nothing all year long but practice parading swagger across the cobbles. Seriously, they have two divisions that do nothing but practice goose-stepping in uniforms, probably beginning to sweat now that the Ruffian casualties in Ukraine have been so high and they might have to go and be valiant. Art!
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, hmmmm Dimya?
Conrad noted that the T-14 Armata was present, probably all they have able to roll (twelve of them). Originally the plan was to replace the entire Ruffian tank arsenal by 2021 with these war-winning wonder-weapons* to the number of 2,200. This was a pipe-dream as these things are horribly expensive, so the explanation was that 100 would be present by 2025. Again, still too expensive. Nor did anyone else around the world want to buy them, so no development funds. They eventually built 20 and then production stopped in 2018.
But hey! they look great on parade! Art?
Also, much as in Ukraine, the Ruffian Air Force failed to turn up, 'because of bad weather', on a nice sunny spring day with hardly any wind. I wonder if we'll ever find out the real reason?
Chin chin!
* I seem to recall another dictator with such a fetish ...
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