We here at BOOJUM! like to follow the progress of Darwin Award winners in real life and in the cinema, with an occasional nod to those who practice for the main event without actually winning one of the Goner Gongs. What you might call the "runner ups", and in today's Intro we are going to meet one of these planks, or 'flogs' if we wish to speak in Antipodean slang. Art!
This is the Fremantle Bridge over the Swan River, a stern and forbidding structure, as I'm sure you'll agree, not a pile you would like to hit as a puny human being travelling at 45 m.p.h. And yet - Art!
This bumbletuck had been 'surfing' atop the train you see here, before jumping off into the Swan, and hence the second part of today's title. He misjudged his speed, because he came perilously close to hitting that concrete column, in which case this would be a short Intro. He's Matthew White, who was later identified by the Ocker police, who were furious at his idiot antics. It turns out he's also been graffitiing all over Oz, because what other fulfilling pastime can a 31-year old man have?
We have an aside for Matthew. That train he was riding upon? Well it was electric, and the electric cables carry 25,000 volts, which can arc if an object - say, an upright human body - gets close enough. Or if it's humid then you don't even have to get close and - Human Kebab!
Here's where things take a turn for the dramatic. Matt isn't apprehended in Oz, but he is caught at the airport in South Canada, attempting to return to Oz whilst covered in spray paint, having been doing his graffiti thing across California. South Canadian law enforcement is not amused, not one little bit, and hurl his scabby carcass into jail for causing an estimated £11,000 worth of damage. The Ocker press is salivating with anticipation of
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| NO! It's not a prison any more <sighs> |
This is where solicitors and attorneys will start to get interested, because there are no details about what the probation entails. White is a foreign national, so is he going to have to stay in South Canada to serve out his three years probation? Or will he serve a couple of months and then be either let go or exchanged? If kept in South Canada, will he have to do community service, live in a hostel and be supervised? Will he have to find a minimum wage job?
All speculation. But, you know, since the trial this time two years ago, there hasn't been a peep anywhere about Matthew White.
Who, despite his surname, is a complete and utter ginge. Maybe he came back to Oz, dyed his hair and became an insurance adjuster.
Motley, we're going to see how much faster you go down the waterslide when slathered in goosefat!
And Now For Something Mr. White Isn't -
INVINCIBLE!! Yes, this is an item that deserves two exclamation marks, bordering on three <cackles gleefully at how extravagant he is>, for Lo! we are talking about the animated cartoon series of same that has recently appeared on Amazon Pram or somesuch. Art!
All the publicity is careful to mention that it's an 'adult' animation because the comics - 'graphic novels' if you want to be pseudy - are exceedingly violent and Conrad, rubbing his hands ghoulishly, expects the animated version to be the same. Or there will be trouble. Let's see if we can get a decent picture that doesn't feature that plabby window. Art!
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| Omni-man, Invincible (father and son), Atom Eve and Robot*. |
Hmmmm the Audience over on Rotten Tomatoes gives it 95%. That ain't hay.
Speaking Of Comics
Your Humble Scribe's myocardial infarction nearly experienced a myocardial infarction when he read the BBC's website yesteryon, for there was news there (of course!) about one of the most influential comics of all time, published over eighty years ago. Art!
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| Metropolis traffic wardens; a tough lot |
Yes, this is the first appearance of Siegel and Shuster's Superman, explaining his origins and alter ego as mild-mannered journalist Clark Kent. You can see the cover price there, 10 cents of that peculiar South Canadian currency, charged for the hundreds of thousands of copies that were sold. Well, a single one of those surviving copies sold for £2,800,000 a few days ago, which is 325,000 the initial cover price. The pundits reckon there are only 100 of these left - not necessarily hiding in someone's loft or basement, since there are collectors who have these things locked up in underground bunkers inside safes guarded by wolves with lasers attached to their heads, kind of. Frightened of the Man Of Steal? Imagine that; an initial cost of £7 and 6 shillings and those hundred are now worth £2.8 billion.
Of course, Supes is by definition upstanding and noble and cares not for filthy lucre**.
Etymology
Whilst pimping the blog on Facebook this afternoon, Your Humble Scribe queried, rhetorically, why "Wisteria" and "Listeria" sounded so simileria - sorry, similar. I shall now endeavour to find out via my Collins Concise.
"Wisteria":'Any twining, woody climbing plant of the genus Wisteria.' Derived from the surname of Caspar Wistar, who was a Dutch-born South Canadian anatomist of the nineteenth century. Art!
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| Listy, with knife, supervising his Clinical Carbolic Crew |
Finally -
My paroxysms of rage from yesteryon had barely begun to subside when - SURELY NOT! - I encountered yet more blatantly unfair Codeword solutions. Of course - obviously! - I got them all, because I'm brilliant but THE SHEER EFFRONTERY OF IT ALL! Now I've gone from paroxysmal to apoplectic - two words you never expected to see today -
But we have exceeded the Compositional Ton for today. My ravings can wait until tomorrow***.
And with that, Vulnavia, as the red mist starts to recede a little, we are well and truly done. Done!
* Any time you have a spare hour or two, just ask me about any of these.
** But some of us baser ones do.
*** JUST BARELY!
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