Between Skink And Skunk

This Will Probably Only Make Sense To South Canadians

For only they, in their continental peculiarness, are likely to encounter either or both of these creatures. Or, if we adopt the local argot, "Critters".  This Intro is an offshoot of an earlier mention about Gerber, a skunk found dying by the side of the road by a real Good Samaritan, who took the little feller in, nursed him back to health and resolved his mental problems.  Art!

Gerber traverses a maze.  How amazy!

The little-known sport of skunk-wrestling
(featuring a cat)

Ridiculously cute.

     Traditionally, skunks are feared because they can projectile-<unsure of correct noun or verb>squirt an incredibly vile-smelling liquid, which to be honest Conrad wouldn't be bothered about, since he has 1% of a normal Hom. Sap's nasal capacity.

     So.  We are now up to speed on skunks, right?

     Enter the skink*.  Art!

     This was a British American** AFV of the Second Unpleasantness, mounting four 20 mm <hack spit> cannon, intended to be used in an anti-aircraft role, except by the time they'd built three prototypes, it was recognised that the Luftwaffe and Regia Aeronautica were a broken reed and a Skink wasn't needed.

     None of which has anything to do with skinks of the lizard species.  Art!

I have a mouth and I must scream***

    The skink is a small lizard, whose name comes from the inevitable Latin and Greek "Skinkos", meaning 'a small lizard'.  Well, that distinguishes them from the "Dinosaurus", or 'Terrible Lizard', doesn't it?

     Okay, wherefore and why does the word 'skunk' come from?  O I thought you'd never ask!  From the Algonquian, actually, that being one of the Original South Canadian languages, and 'Seganku', which translates approximately as "Urinating Fox".

     Hmmm.  Let us now move on.  But not before we mention that the Blue-Tongued Skink has a groovy tonguish appendix that broadcasts in ultra-violet, because - who knows!

I'm Ditching You

Ha!  Conrad is sooooo funny at times.  Possibly not this time.  You remember that we introduced the splendidly-named Roel <long Dutch surname> yesteryon, and that he was going on about ancient warfare, and how well or ill Hollywood had managed to portray it?  O let us now continue.  He was looking at the siege of Helm's Deep in "Lord Of The Rings" and - Art!

     The assailants use ladders with an unlikely counterbalance to storm the walls.  Hmmmmm said Conrad.  First of all, how do they know the EXACT height of the walls that they have to storm?  As Roel also adds, this means that each attacking ladder has exactly one person at the top as head assaulter, whom is handicapped by needing at least one hand on the ladder.  Chop chop, you might say.  Nor is that all.  Art!

     Defenders of a fixed position always dug a ditch or moat around their particular piece of place, which meant, as above, the attackers either came to grief or had to spend days or weeks trying to fill in said ditch.  This became even harder if the defenders filled their ditch with water and converted it into a moat.  Dig to win, dudes.

"Old Earth Had Gravitons To Burn"

Forgive me for bringing in another memory from probably the same time as "The Man Who Lost The Sea" because this title reflects a line from the story that Your Humble Scribe still remembers.  We are talking about a science-fiction short story, published before 1972, wherein the protagonist is a friend of someone who makes a discovery about energy, which is practically free to generate.

A Dunlop Graviton.  Yes, really.

     It all ends horribly, of course, with the South Canadian Air Force bombing said friend into a frothy vapour, for - er - reasons?  If only I could recall the author or title!

  We have yet to report back officially and with pictures about the BreAdventure, although I have proof of Attempt 1, and have eaten some of Attempt 2 as dipped in a cup of hot Marmite.  Watch this space, as there will be more info.

Good Afternoon, Sir, Please Die Quietly

Until yesteryon, Conrad had never heard of the 'Special Escort Group', whom are a bunch of policemen on motorbikes (and in cars) and nothing at all to do with seedy friends of Matt Gaetz politicians looking for cheap thrills.  They provide an escort service for members of the Royal Family, politicians, visiting V.I.P.s or valuable/hazardous loads.  Art!

     Unusually for a police force in Perfidious Albion, they all carry firearms, and are trained in the use of, plus in circumstances such as hostage-taking or outright assault.  They pride themselves on being able to get a VIP from A to B without breaking the speed limit, and on London roads to boot, using whistles instead of sirens, with their most mighty tool being an upraised hand.  Having seen Youtube of how they operate, this is what you'd call leapfrogging at 90 m.p.h.

     How successful and efficient are they?  Well when did you last hear about them!

Lo-Fi Allstars

    Note their low-profile bikes that do not have manifest LOOK AT I I ARE POLICE POLICE GIVE WAY OR DIE design about them, which is deliberate.  Do the mostest with the leastest, as Ulysses Grant possibly said.

Finally -

If you have been following Conrad over this past few weeks, then you know he has been exhibiting examples of the lost art of 'matte work', wherein a skilled artist painted on a pane of glass, and the studio used a part of same to simulate a scene that would otherwise have cost millions to stage.  I bated the dragon in his lair and questioned if Degsy had any examples of a particular trope: science-fiction films of the Fifties and Sixties, in colour, and preferably 'classic', which is to say 'not entirely rubbish', and do you know, he came up with a fair few of them.  We don't have any on DVD so acquiring the shots I want may take time - but we have plenty of that material to hand ...

Go on, guess.

     And I think with that, we are jolly well dne!

*  You don't know how much I wanted to put "Dragon"

**  O go on then.  "South Canadian" = American.  "British American" = Canuckistanian

***  Harlan Ellison thanks you