Volcano And Cake

This Will Make Sense Later

As much sense as anything ever does around here.  Remember!  A vote for Bierce is a vote for cynical sanity!

     Okay, let's get on with Conrad's incisive analysis of the Gaping Plot Holes in "This Island Earth" which I know you've been thirsting for almost as much as my 5,000 word monograph on "Forbidden Planet", which is to say, not at all.  Tough!  Art!

They exaggerate somewhat

     Let me fill the background in for you, and believe me THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.  BIG, FAT, IN-YOUR-FACE SPOILERS.  Now that we've got that out of the way, we shall establish the mise-en-scene.  The Zagons have been waging a war of annihilation against Metaluna, duration unknown but of considerable length.  Desperate to acquire the technology that will enable them to create gigantic quantities of uranium as a power source, a Metalunan expedition has been sent to Earth in order to carry out the recruitment of human scientists to that end.  The uranium will be used to drive the Metalunan 'Ionisation layer', a species of force-field.  It is already beginning to fail at the point our heroes enter the scene.

     Let the carping begin!  Art!

     Exeter and Brak, the two Metalunan front men, presumably know how desperate the situation is on their home planet.  Yet they resort to an incredibly slow, lengthy indirect recruitment process to get Cal Meacham onboard.  Have these people no experience with deadlines?  In total they seem to have recruited ten human scientists, whom work a leisurely ten-hour day.  IDIOTS!  They should have recruited forty who can then work twenty-four hour days and still have time off.  Remind me again, how clever are these Metalunans?

     Then we have Metaluna itself.  Exeter, in conversation with Cal and Ruth as they travel beneath the planet's surface, reveals that Metalunan civilisation used to all be on the surface of the planet.  Art!

     A vista like that wasn't constructed overnight.  How long have they been down there?  On top of that, how long did they put up with their civilisation being bombarded on the surface?  Because nothing is terms of structures, bridges, ports, cities or dams is apparent on the surface.  Art?

     As barren, brown and blasted as a battlefield of the First Unpleasantness.  Let us now look more closely at the Ionisation Layer.  Art!

     In terms of cinematography, this is pretty well done.  You see the IL at top, in a neutral state; picture two shows a Zagon missile being destroyed as it impacts the IL; and in the last picture, a Zagon missile has gotten through the IL to hit the surface.

     So - the Metalunans have been sitting there, taking this colossal pounding, for decades at least, if not centuries?  Remind me, again, how clever are these Metalunans?  

     Here an aside.  At one point we hear The Monitor, an especially humourless bottomwipe of a Metalunan, gloating that they are going to 'relocate' to Earth, whether Hom. Sap. likes it or not.  Art?

NO!  Not a Metalunan toilet facility.  Wash out your dirty minds.

     Relocate with what?  We've only seen a single spaceship.  You're going to take over Earth and a population of billions with a single spaceship that can, at most accommodate a couple of hundred Metalunans?  Remind me, again again, how clever are these Metalunans?

     That the Metalunans actually have weapons and the capacity to use them is proven on Exeter's approach to his homeworld; two Zagon scoutships attempt to attack with meteorites.  Art!

     Exeter's ship destroys both in less than a second.  So why aren't they patrolling in orbit around their homeworld, destroying Zagon ships before they can launch their missiles?  If spaceships are too complex and expensive to build in numbers, how about armed satellites*?  For heaven's sake, why didn't they at least bring some South Canadian anti-aircraft missiles along with them, or a few batteries of anti-aircraft guns?  Remind me, again again again, how clever are these Metalunans?

Well, they can over-engineer bathtubs

     In fact Exeter's mission was doomed before he set off.  The Zagons have inflicted such damage across the whole of Metaluna that, by the time he returns, they have mere hours left.  Also The Monitor is an even bigger bottomwipe, because he (being so mighty and powerful and intelligent) ought to have seen this and begun the 'relocation'.

     Of course, I may be overthinking this ...

The Very Ironically Named Iceland

Ah me, a country awash in geysers and volcanoes.  Well, when life deals you lemons, you can always make limoncello (not for me, it has too much sugar), and when it deals you volcanoes, you can always use it for a video or wedding backdrop.  Art?

     That's the frontman of Icelandic band Kaleo, who said his back (which was to the volcano) was roasting, whilst his hands were cold, and they had to duck out before their planned finish thanks to a new pool of lava puddling nearby.  Since they weren't permitted to use any transportation, all their kit had to be carried on their backs, for eight hours.  Suffering for your art.

     The wedding party had all the trimmings - suits (donned in a pop-up changing room), cake (not the cake of this title), champagne and flowers, and they, too, had to walk there, if only for three hours.  The wedding planner explained that they had to take gas sensors with them, to monitor toxic volcanic output during the ceremony.  Fortunately the wind held any vile vapours at bay and all went well.

Spectacular and free!
(Also dangerous)

"How To Cook That" Is Ten

Anyone who reads BOOJUM! with regularity knows that Conrad has a bit of a pash for Professor Ann Reardon, an Aussie food scientist and expert baker, who valiantly tries to debunk fake viral videos as well as baking wonderful cakes.  Her husband (Conrad sighs with envy) Dave is the brave soul who tries her attempts to recreate viral vomit in baked form.  Props to Dave.  Her channel is now ten years old, and as a bit of a change, it was Dave who would be baking, guided only by a video of Ann - who went off to do a bit of artwork.  Art!

Dave gets his challenge

Dave realises he's not separated the egg whites

     Dave is absolutely made up when Ann tells him his macarons aren't bad, certainly for a first effort.  Which is where the second part of today's title comes from and I DON'T CARE if they're not technically cakes.

     And with that we are done, because I need some tea.  Of the solid variety, not Darjeeling.

*  I will allow that this film was made two years before Sputnik.