Alexandros Meglos

No!  That Is Not The Plural Of Meglo

<sigh> don't you know your ancient Greek?  Let me translate for you: "Alexander the Great".  There.  NOW do you get it?

Alex putting himself in harm's way at the siege of Tyre

     Here an aside.  The Iranians don't think of him as "Great", rather the "Devil" because he did, after all, destroy the Persian Empire, which is more than an accidental "Ooops!" moment.

     ANYWAY as you may have guessed by now, we are back on the subject of "Warfare In The Ancient World As Portrayed By Hollywood" with the resplendent Roel and his boyishly exuberant reviews.  This time we are on the subject of "Alexander".  Art!

     I think that's Alex galloping about in the middle distance.

     Well, for once Roel has good things to say about this film.  The historical advisor was a professor of Ancient History, and the film crew paid attention to what he said (which is unusual in itself) and thus all the kit is authentic.  Art!

    Greek hoplites in a phalanx, if you care to know.  These guys would form a formation that resembled a porcupine and then march at the opposition, who would get out of the way if they knew what was good for them.  Next!

     Thus.  You can't imagine anyone rushing at this formation; as Roel points out, people don't deliberately run themselves onto sharp pointy things, and any formation facing this phalanx would, as above, back off.  Next!

Persian Camel Corps

     Another authentic appearance.  Roel explained that the Persians always used camels, because horses are allergic to them (something like that, anyway) and won't face them.  Bad horses!  Cowardly horses!  And - what about the Persian cavalry?  One supposes they're kept on the opposing wing.  Art!

Effete eyeliner-earing Aryans! <hack spit>

     Roel sucked his teeth at this, because the real Persians were Much More Manly and didn't resemble a boy band with beards.  They were certainly militarily capable, because you don't establish and run a vast empire by being whingy snowflakes who break down in hysterical tears over a broken thumbnail.  Art!

     The clash of arms.  Roel explained that - inevitably - in real life, things would be a lot more organised than this, on both sides.  Also, rather than yelling and shrieking, the Persians came into battle silently, which the Greeks were rather impressed by - it's common practice to stoke yourself up for mutual pig-stickery by yelling loudly.

     Our personable ancient warfare expert rates this film as a 9/10, which is the most he's awarded any of these films, so if you want to see anything particularly authentic, "Alexander"'s your man.

     Motley, let us don our rhino-hide* gloves and indulge in a game of Porcupine Juggling!

The Haul

First, the backstory.  A couple of years ago there was a strike on the Darjeeling plantations in India, the workers refusing to pick the tea until they got triple-ply soft toilet roll on the job and probably a raise, too.  Sadly, by the time this dispute got resolved (thank you foot-dragging management)  , it was TOO LATE TO PICK THE TEA <gibbers madly in  recollection>.  Consequently there was a critical shortage of Darjeeling until the next harvest.

     You know Conrad.  One of the more important things in his life is loose-leaf Darjeeling tea.  So, since I was down to only two packets, a trip to Sainsbury's was in order.  They are the only readily available source of same at a reasonable price.  Thus today's mission.  Art!

Tah-dah!

     That'll keep me happy for a couple of months at least.

Further Haulage

Under the One In, One Out guidelines I have adopted - notice not 'rule' because that allows me a bit of wiggle room here - Your Humble Scribe took three very weighty tomes into a charity shop and walked out with two, so you see a net deficit of one.  Art!

     You can't count a jigsaw towards my total of books, so there.  I picked it because of the subject matter and I don't care if it makes me a saddo.  The rather faded and 'foxed' book at the back cost me all of £2.50, as the young lady on the till couldn't find the price.  When I get home I found a sticker in rear for £5.00.  Go away, conscience!

"Eskers"

Thank you, Steve (he's in charge of memory around here).  This word  surfaced in the sewage sump of my mind for no very good reason this morning.  Of course - obviously! - I looked it up in my Collins Concise and it's a geographical feature.  That was six hours ago and my CC is upstairs, so I've forgotten what it was.  Recourse to internet!

An esker

     So, it's a long, sinuous ridge of sand or gravel, created by glaciers, and usually resembling a railway embankment, found in Europe and South Canada.

     So there we have it, and are better informed.  Sorry, no idea why Steve decided on a fluvioglacial landform.  If you have an answer please add in the Comments section.

Punnery Not Restricted To Conrad

Unless you have been living atop a pole in the Gobi Desert for the past month, then you will be aware that certain ballfoot club owners were trying to form a League Of Super in Europe.  Conrad, knowing about 0.01% about ballfoot, initially believed it was competition for the South Canadian Justice League, as they're all Super.

     Alas no.  It was an attempt to squeeze even more money out of the ballfoot game.  Predictably, fans were so annoyed that their arms were up in arms.  Then, as additional background, you need to understand that a ballfoot player named "Matty Cash" was presented with a red card, which seems like a birthday card except the opposite.  Art!

     You have to admit, it was pretty clever.

Finally -

I know you're probably twitching with fear about the threatened in-depth analysis of "This Island Earth" and are, even now, wiping swear off your brow at escaping.

     DON'T SPEAK TOO SOON!  IT IS COMING!  IT WILL BE HERE!

     That is all.  Have a nice day now.

*  Artificial.  As if we'd use the real thing!  They're prohibitively expensive, for one.