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Monday 5 April 2021

O Delicious Dog Meat!

That's A Tad Ambiguous

But I don't care so don't expect any apologies.  "Does he mean he's eating dog food?" OR "Does he mean he's eating dog?" I hear you quibble.  Conrad nods knowingly and consumes some bottled artichoke.

     No, what I refer to is "The View From The Turret"'s Question Number 10, "Who was the 'Dog Meat' General?"

     The answer turns out to be both long and interesting.  Art!


     That's an industrial mincing machine, which one might need in order to create dog meat from offal and off-cuts.  Don't ask me for specifics, I'm winging it here.  The DMG turned out to be a Chinese warlord from the turbulent Twenties, Zhang Zongchang, who was stated to never know: 1) How many concubines he had  2) How much money he had and 3) How many soldiers he had.  One has to say his staff officers weren't up to much.  Art!


     His career is much too long and tortuous to go into here, although Your Humble Scribe would like to point out that he had many thousands of White Russian mercenaries working for him.  "White Russian" is today a cocktail, but back in the Twenties it meant native Russians who worked against the Red Russians - or the Bolsheviks, if you like.  The two did not get along together.  Art!

White Ukranian.  Close enough.

     Conrad notes that Edna (our mobile four-legged alarm system in a fur coat) is currently receiving a dinner dose composed of lamb and mint, so clearly some dog meat is approved of*.


Commanding The Krieg Of Blitz

Okay okay okay, I know that historians such as Robert Cimino point out that the Teutons never EVER used the term 'Blitzkrieg' during the Second Unpleasantness, but for the love of Ike, Mike and Spike, bear with me.  Art!

Not going to enlarge

     Conrad dug out his version of the rules, to discover that it's the Second Edition from 2009.  Is this relevant?  Well, kinda.  You see, the rules were sold by Pete Jones, their creator, to Pendraken Miniatures back in 2015.  After that Pete seems to have washed his hands of them, because over on the Pendraken forum they are now up to Edition 4, and at Edition 3 they were bemoaning lack of either input or feedback from Pete about his insight or direction over the rules when they were his own particular baby.  Guys: you bought it, it's yours.  If you want input from Pete - not OUR Pete Jones the lovable laughable ex-copper from Wales - then I think you might need to pay him.

Pete, cunningly disguised as an apartment block

     The thing is, British wargaming is such a small and closed community  that Your Humble Scribe cannot but fail to find out what's going on behind the scenes when lockdown lifts.  I shall bring you all the salacious details.


"Tinder"

Your Modest Artisan is well aware that there is some seedy social media iteration of this title, lurking out there.  NONE OF THAT HERE!  For are we not a fine fickle  upstanding purveyor of nonsense? well actually yes we are -

     ANYWAY back to "Tinder" which Conrad is familiar with as a concept - you may even be yourselves -

CAUTION!  The enemy of tinder and tinderboxes

     You see, way way waaaaaay back in the day before massed industrialisation processes, matches were as rare as atomic-powered hen's teeth.  People used a box of tinder instead, which happened to be very very dried plant matter, itching to explode at the least excuse, along with a flint and steel, whereby you the Firewanter could coax a spark or two out of it.  Art!


     So now you know where the phrase "Tinderbox" comes from, as well as an appreciation of modern safety matches.


Dan The Man And His Ekranoplan

Okay, first admission here, that above is a lie.  Daniel Freeman has absolutely no association with the Sinister's Ekranoplan, it just rhymed and seemed aptly reciprocal.  Dan is a British photographer whom has been travelling the many highways and byways of South Canada, seeking to both experience and encapsulate (not a word you expected to see today!) the small-town iterations of this mighty land.  South Canada is, you have to admit, a pretty big place.  Art!


     As you can see, Dan prefers to take photographs absent human life, which means you the viewer look upon the vista without any bias. Again, Conrad is reminded about that master story-teller about Small Town America - Stephen King, whose ability to create same is unmatched.  One can already imagine various adventures here, the 'ding' of the entry bell matched by - in fact go see Eels and their "Novocaine For The Soul".  Remember to tell them I sent you.


"With The British Army In France And Flanders"

Another website Conrad came across by accident, but which bears examination.  As you may, or MAY NOT guess, the title refers to the British Expeditionary Force of the First Unpleasantness, which stood for a fair few years upon the soils of Belgium and France.  WTBAIFAF has a long, long history of notes and articles, many of which refer to the cemeteries and graves in that location.  Art!

HERR SCHIKELGRUBER take note!

     Here we see a bit of an offshoot from WTBAIFAF, wherein you are witness to the grave of a Teuton soldier, who died in 1918; as you can also tell from the Star Of David and the final epigraph in Hebrew, he was Jewish.  Thus we Dolchstuss the Dolchstuss**.   Don't worry people, we shall return and  - not half!


Finally -

Either you are very old or you have a degree in Old Radio Shizzle From The Seventies, but either way "Not half!" was one of the catchphrases of Alan "Fluff" Freeman from his Prog Rock appreciating radio program back on Saturday afternoons.  Where Your Humble Scribe first encountered bands like Ten Years After or Be Bop Deluxe. Not to mention Pink Floyd.



*  Not jealous AT ALL. 

**  Military history in-joke.  "Thus we back-stab the back-stab".

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