No! Not Our Resident Neanderthal Provider Of Pictures
That Art couldn't imitate a plank of wood; he has the IQ of a bag of potatoes and all the dramatic talent of a breezeblock. He has also shown worrying signs of moving on from his pash about Mara Corday, which means we might need a different Christmas calendar for him this year. It will be tricky working out which hapless female starlet from the Fifties is tempting his peculiar palate. We shall see -
NO! No bikini shots, you disgusting perverts.
ANYWAY the 'art' we are talking about today is "Friday Night Dinner", a sitcom about a Jewish family getting together for dinner pre-Sabbath. Very sadly the actor Paul Ritter, who plays the dad, died last week, which was cause for Wonder Wifey to post one of his catchphrases on Facebook. Given our SFW policy here on the blog, I cannot possibly post it*.
ApPauled at Val
Watching Episode 2 of Season 5, we first encounter Martin sitting asleep in his car, topless, and cradling a bowl of oxtail soup. Yes well - er - his wife's friend Val is staying with them, pending her divorce, and has been tidying things up. Which includes throwing out Martin's Stuff.
Conrad was instantly on-side with Martin. DO NOT MESS WITH MEN'S STUFF! For it has values and worth that nobody else can see nor sense and DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY "The History Of The Second Division 1914 - 1918" yes I know I have two copies, one's for reading and the other's for keeping. Why did Val try to throw out Martin's slippers?
Martin had worn those slippers in over a period of years, they were perfectly fine and had at least another four or five years wear in them, and calling them "Tramp shoes" is slander of the highest order.
The piece de resistance is when Val - O madame! - dares to intrude on Martin's sacred shed. If I could get "shed" to glow in dark and sparkle whilst an angelic chorus sang and a twenty-one gun salute echoes, I would. SHED IS MANCAVE. There - and here art bit Conrad on the behind - she discovers a twenty-year old tin of corned beef.
"What? Nicely matured!" was my immediate response.
I feel somewhat alone in this. It's in a sealed tin, what's the problem, people? Martin, to spite everyone and to show he has the courage of his convictions (if not the intestinal fortitude), eats the meat.
Well done that man!
Now, Conrad can get away with this kind of behaviour because 1) He's an alien and 2) His digestive juices are composed of Fluoroantimonic Acid. It ends less than well for Martin -
Conrad cannot help but admire a man willing to eat 20-year old tinned meat on a whim, especially if he did it to spite all those naysayers gathered around him. Like I frequently say - "Best Before" is a challenge, not a warning!
A Palindromic Date
I know I am typing this at night the day before, so ignore that and pretend I got up at 05:17 this Monday morning to hammer out these words of wit, wisdom and wonder**. Okay, as we all know, a palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same backwards or forwards. "A man a plan a canal Panama" is one I remember from the Doctor Who comic, and apparently if you are Greek "Wash my sins not only my face" is another one.
Who are you?
All this is but a preamble to the revelation that today's date is
12/4/21
Which is the same backwards as forwards, unless one uses that ridiculous South Canadian convention, which we are going to ignore.
Mara Corday, Mar A Lago And Mars
I could also throw in Andrew Marr, except he's one of the BBC's Political correspondents, and - BOOJUM! and politics do not mix.
No, what I wanted to point out is that the helicopter 'Ingenuity', which was carried to Mars by the Perseverance rover, is not going to fly until at least 14/4/21 <thumbs nose at silly South Canadian date conventions> as the initial pre-flight tests generated some weird feedback. Art!
Okay, take a moment. This is a robot helicopter sitting 48 million miles away on the surface of another planet, being watched by it's protective big brother, the Perseverance rover. It is so far away that direct control is impossible thanks to the time-lag, even when the signals travel at the speed of light. Conrad is happy to wait another three days, because when you are living in the future you have time to spare***.
There will now be a short pause as Conrad goes off to put some wet laundry in the dryer. I know, I know, MyRockAndRollLifestyle#.
Also, I cannot froth with righteous indignation at the Codeword I completed this afternoon, because a) It was pretty easy and b) There were no ridiculously outdated or foreign words present, if you except and accept "KARMA" and I did. Which is not really very newsworthy.
Are We Establishing A Theme?
Don't ask me, it's only my brain; I just work here. Anyway, what I was pondering was that mention yesteryon about 'Sam Slade', the 2000AD character "Robo-Hunter" and his madcap antics. He has a long and honourable history at the comic, and they have an offshoot where his grand-daughter has taken up the family trade.
So, Conrad wondered, should I enlighten you further about other past classics from 2000AD? A lot of these strips have the potential to be turned into either films, or television series. There was, for example, "Strontium Dog". The back story on this would make a television series in it's own right. You had Johnny Alpha, a mutant of the twenty-<coughcough> century, who fought the tyranny of Norm government and authorities as a teenager. He ended up in the Search and Destroy agency that became known as "SD" - hence the Strontium Dogs of the title, because strontium was responsible for causing mutations after the Great Nuclear War of
Middenhead McNulty, Johnny and Wulf
You know what? Go read the comics. It'll be quicker. We may come back to this, there is more backstory to the backstory.
* It was "<vulgarism for the act of defacation> ON IT!" and it rhymed, if that helps.
** Two of these claims are correct.
*** Note they have chosen nice flat terrain, free from Martian Rock Snakes
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