I Won't Add An Exclamation Mark
Because that would encourage you to think we were swearing in Serbo-Croat or Tagalog, which is a contradiction for a blog that cleaves closely to the rubric of "Safe For Work".
No, today's title is in fact a tangential reference as to how INCREDIBLY ANGRY I am, thanks to a single Codeword. Really, you'd think they were doing this deliberately. Is there a Guild Of Evil Crossword Compilers who have it in for Your Humble Scribe? <clenches fists>
Okay, in order to calm down I think we need to change subject, and what better than discussing the fortifications of a century ago? Art!
Teuton pillbox with puny humans for scale
In the back of "Pillboxes On The Western Front" are several Appendices, which reproduce reports by Royal Engineer officers about Teuton pillboxes, how they were constructed and what effect shellfire had on them. These are pretty thorough reports (from late 1917) and show constructive analysis of these concrete fortifications, a far cry from the "Colonel Blimp" stereotype that gets trotted out. Art!
I don't care if it is sideways - tilt. There are several comments on how a pillbox or bunker can be only superficially damaged by shellfire, but the unfortunate Teuton occupants had been killed by the concussion of a direct hit. It was also noted that the wooden formwork (used to shape and contain wet concrete) had been left in situ in many pillboxes, to prevent concrete spalling from the inner surface. However, the wood had itself been blown apart by concussive force, rather defeating the object of the exercise.
The investigation found that any fortification built within another structure for camouflage and concealment had it better than any. Art!
The reason for this is that the original structure would detonate any incoming shells, and the gap between original structure and fortification acted to reduce the effect of the explosion, before the concrete is even touched. Technically this would be a "Burster" and an "Air Gap".
There. I think I've calmed down enough to move on. Motley, let's play a round or two of Concrete Club Concussion!
Back To Codeword Complaining
Yeah, let me introduce you to various words that went out of use in the eighteenth century, or obscure biological references.
"EFT": I had to check this solution a couple of times, thinking I might have got 11 wrong and it should thus be "AFT" or "OFT", but no - EFT it is. I had to look it up - "A dialect or archaic name for a newt". Conrad recalls Bertie Wooster using the word "Eftsoons" once, so there may be another definition for it.
"MAZY": A variant spelling of "MAZEY" perhaps? Why yes, and also Northern dialect for a confused person, which is what I am because this word wasn't in either my Collins Concise nor Brewer's D. Of Phrase And Fable. Aptly enough, I had been watching a skunk in a maze.
Gerber the skunk in question
"LYNXES": O you think you're clever, do you? I'd be lion if I admitted you were an ocelot smarter than I was. See?
"ALVEOLAR": ARE YOU <insert ferocious LONG swear of own choosing here> ING KIDDING ME! This is, of course - O so unobviously - derived from "Alveoli", which if memory serves, are small structures in the lungs - Art!
I think you can see why my Ire is at Frothing Fluoroantimonic Acid levels.
Why "Byford" Is Byeword
And not in a good way. I am referring, of course - obviously! - to the "Byford Dolphin", which is a semi-submersible drilling platform used in North Sea petroleum operations. Art!
My interest was piqued by a Youtube caption about "The Byford Dolphin Accident", which of course your Ghoulishly Interested Scribe promptly Googled, at which point I realised one needs to specify which accident. In 1976 six people drowned when they fell into the sea whilst evacuating the platform, which had run aground. In 1983 there was another accident which killed five people, four of them divers undergoing decompression in a decompression chamber. One of these unfortunates was practically disintegrated after being forced through a narrow gap in the chamber door. In 2002 a worker was killed when piping fell on his head. In 2008 a cover-up about the decompression chamber was admitted and families of the dead were compensated.
This sea-going monster is still in service. Presumably platforms of this size, cost and complexity keep going until they suffer critical damage, or they run out of non-superstitious people to crew them.
For those in peril on the sea. People forget how dangerous employment in the marine environment can be.
Wow that was a buzzkill, let's have an item of considerably less weightiness, like LITHIUM WAFER BATTERY DES - actually let's not. Instead let's talk about warfare in the ancient world and how cinema represents it.
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Phalanx
Or, an expert pontificates. Conrad is a sucker for these Youtube videos, and came across one where an expert with a fantastic name sits in judgement on how Hollywood depicts conflict in the ancient world, for good or ill. Art!
There's a name to conjure with. Roel first looks at "300", which you will recall is about the 300 Spartans (who were ably assisted by some Thespians, which tends to get left out of the tale) fighting against the Persian hordes. Art!
Let me point out that "PAUSE II" is from Conrad pausing the clip, it never appeared in the battle itself. Roel criticises the whole Massed Mob Charging Into Contact, because you immediately lose control of your army if that's how you operate. The scene above he approved of, since the Persians had broken and were running, at which point the Spartans would indeed seek to inflict as many casualties as possible, for the least risk.
I think that's quite enough of conflict for one day
Finally -
We only need a short item to hit the Compositional Ton. What to write about? Aha! Art!
A life-size polar bear in Lego. You can't go visit it, the photo is from 2010 quite beside Covid restrictions. The vital statistics are that it contains 95,000 pieces and took the creator, Sean Kenney, and five assistants 1100 hours to build. He created it at the behest of Philadelphia Zoo, and did other sculptures, too, so we can call up another. Art!
And with that, we are surely done.
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