I Suppose It Would Be Apposite
To mention Latin here. "Scutum" is the Latin for "Shield" hence calling your waterproof range of clothing "Aquascutum" is quite reasonable. That being so, here's a picture of Sputnik 3, for no other reason than you could conceivably call it a Communications Satellite, or Comsat -
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| - and who are my favourite band? |
Yes, that's a non-sequiteur, get used to it, that's how we roll around here.
ANYWAY let us get back to Roel and his analysis of how Hollywood treats warfare in the ancient world, which in this instance is - not very well. Art!
Bear in mind that we genuinely know little about the siege of Troy, which Hollywood scriptwriters have taken to mean that they have carte blanche to add in whatever they feel like, with the possible exception of introducing a Challenger main battle tank when the Greeks go up against the Trojans. Next!
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| Kindly ignore the fat biffer's reflection |
This is pretty unrealistic. As Roel points out, contested amphibious landings were very rare in the ancient world, and in all my reading of Xenophon and Thucydides, I don't recall any. This is because, as you will know from my caustic commentary on the campaign at Gallipoli in the First Unpleasantness, opposed amphibious assaults are dangerous and tricky operations with a high probability of things going completely plum-shaped*. Roel cynically commented that the producers wanted an image with the heft of "Saving Private Ryan" about it. Next!
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| Fat biffer caution still stands |
Hmmmm. These are supposedly the defenders. Roel mocks the use of big pointy sticks placed at random, and Conrad concurs. If they are meant to protect the defending archers, then said archers ought to be BEHIND them, and they ought to be in a continuous line, rather than scattered about in a careless fashion. Roel also made a crack about what they are defending against " - they're not landing tanks here!" - Roel I refer you to my previous paragraph. Next!
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| "Look out - coronavirus!" |
Again, an action that simply did not happen. Whilst the Romans, centuries later, did have such a formation - and we'll get to that, don't you worry - the Greeks of antiquity certainly did not, and their shields were of all flavours that emphatically did not allow them to interlock like a lethal jigsaw. Art!
Then we have another trope that Roel heartily dislikes, that of Undifferentiated Mobs Charging Into Each Other. This is a cliche that Hollywood scriptwriters are all too fond of. Art!
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| Roel exercising his sneer of cold contempt |
One reason this did not happen is because it would be impossible to control such a seething horde, and if anyone falls over, they will immediately cause utter havoc - as you can see in a close-up I can't be bothered to include. Also, if the defenders have had any advance notification of the imminent attack, then they'd have dug a defensive ditch. Roel pointed this out at the amphibious assault scene - all the defenders really needed was a whole lot of shovels, and they could have used their pointy sticks as a pallisade.
I am afraid Roel does not value "Troy" very highly and only gives it 2/10.
Bad Hollywood! Naughty Hollywood! Must do better. See me after class.
Motley! In the spirit of the above, let's have a game of Javelin-Catching!
Conrad - Still A Bit Seethy
"Seethy". I said "SEETHY" not "SEEDY" <sighs in martyred angst>. Yes, those bumbletuck Codeword compilers are still trying to thwart Your Humble Scribe, by giving him a myocardial infarction if they can't baffle his answers. What do I mean? O I thought you'd never ask.
"ALUMNI": Once again, You What? No, nothing to do with aluminium, although you could be forgiven for thinking so. It's a SOUTH CANADIAN term they use to describe ex-scholars from a particular educational institution. Doubtless, like many hideous South Canadianisms, it will ooze it's unwanted way across the Atlantic and in a generation <Mister Hand redacts a long and bitter scree> spell it "center". Bah! Also, Art!
"BREVE": What? Your Humble Scribe had to look this one up. It is an accent placed over a letter to indicate how it's pronounced AND ENGLISH DOESN'T USE IT!
What, we're now expected to be experts in foreign alphabets?
"ERNE": <narrows eyes and threatens Remote Nuclear Detonation if anyone brings up Morecambe And Wise>. Again, Conrad needed to look this one up. It is a variety of eagle that ones finds at sea.
Here an aside. I remembered this word from a short story called "Quaker Cannon" by Pohl and Kornbluth; I think Pohl finished it after Kornbluth died. The protagonist is kidnapped by the "Yutes" and stuck in a 'blank-tank' which is a form of sensory deprivation torture. To keep from going round the bend he composes crosswords in his head, and an "erne" is one of the solutions. Art!
Possibly relevant. Possibly not.
Back To Matte
I did warn you about this, so you've got no right to complain, and I shall ignore you if you do. I'm horrid that way.
Okay, so Conrad was earlier watching the unfaithful 1962 iteration of "The Day Of The Triffids", and taking periodic snapshots that he felt illustrated the long-lost art of matte work in films, where a painting on glass stands in for what would otherwise be impossibly expensive sets. Art!
Nothing to do with matte work, it's just that, in a film about carnivorous plants, a producer being named after another type of carnivorous plant tickled my Irony Gland. Art!
Okay, let's revisit one of those snapshots. Art!
Here we have live action in the foreground, then a matte from the distant waterline and then flames superimposed in the background. You couldn't do that in real life, the Port Of London would object. Next!
Of course doing this in real life would be prohibitively expensive; imagine shutting down central Paris for hours and hours. You can't see it clearly in these stills, but the only thing moving in both the shots above is the protagonist's car, which is the filmed insert put into the matte painting.
Finally -
There's a couple more shots from TDOTT to come, which I don't have time to post here as it's 15:00 on a Sunday and I'm taking my constitutional into Royton to see what's remaindered today at the Co-Op. Tot siens!
* Like pear-shaped except worse.
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