O Boy I Know What You Were Expecting!
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET IT. There, I feel so much better now that I've punctured your pathetic hopes of seeing something 'Starry Warz' related. Forsooth, you clicked on the link expecting to see a positive panoply of Imperial fighter spacecraft, did you not?
The mighty COLIN FURZE and his TIE fighter, with another puny human for scale
Because Your Humble Scribe has been watching "This Island Earth" is why, and from now on we will be using the acronym TIE to describe it, hence today's title. It was made back in the prehistoric year of 1955 (gasps of awe and horror!) which was two whole years before Sputnik took to the skies, and moreover, at a time when most science-fiction films were black and white quickies with ridiculous plots and rubber monsters. Art!
Originally Conrad was only watching this film because 1) It's free on Youtube and 2) Degsy, O Wise Degsy, recommended it as a sci-fi colour classic with matte work worth paying attention to. Both points fair enough, yet - I'm sorry, the film critic in me couldn't be denied. We're going to cover several points in the film itself, as well as those mattes. Come on, be gentle, I have a word-count to hit here. Art!
Note that large boxy structure that has "X C COM" stencilled on the side. NO! Not a reference to the computer game - which is fantastic, by the way - rather it is a whacking big bit of Fifties electro-mechanical kit. Beginning small, we know that things are off-kilter when Cal (large guy in suit) received amazingly small substitutes for his XCCOM via Joe (smaller guy in suit). Art!
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| Electro-lollipop? |
Then we have our heroes working out where this mysterious piece of gubbins comes from, which entails looking at invoices and receipts and bills of lading. Art!
In the first picture above, we see Joe 'dialling' a number on an electro-mechanical phone, an action so described because there are numbers on a dial that one rotates in sequence to ring the other party. I know, positively antediluvian, what? In the second picture Cal and Joe are comparing paper receipts called 'invoices' and a 'letter-headed statement', which detailed what had been sent from whom at what price. What wild and crazy days those Fifties were! And also how expensive in terms of trees. You see what you did, ancient Egyptians, you see what you did?
I think that's enough obsolete electro-mechanical angst for one post. Motley, now that you've healed/been repaired enough, shall we indulge in a little game of Javelin-Dodging?
I Had Better Earn That Beer
As you should surely know by now, Conrad goes to do the weekly shop on a Wednesday, because <hollow laughter> Friday evening tends to be when the folks in Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell celebrate having made their 100th customer cry, or whatever, and go out to stick their snouts in the booze trough . Note that I carefully avoid saying which folks where.
ANYWAY you should also know that Conrad pauses when in the beer aisles, because he's looking to see if a particular brand or bottle can be used as a pun. Hence:
I thought it was especially apt, me being a (n idle and dilettante) wargamer. I really must get a scenario going for Blitzkrieg Commander. Maybe this weekend. Of course - obviously! - this means also reading the rules in preparation. From what I recall this last happened about seven years ago.
Gravity Is The Mother Of Ingenuity
YES! The Marscopter 'Ingenuity' made a successful launch today, carrying out a trial ascent that lasted for 40 seconds. Yes, only 40 seconds, but 40 seconds at a distance of 180 million miles from Earth. Art!
The distance is so great that control signals sent to Mars would take about 15 minutes to arrive, so the whole process was executed autonomously, Ingenuity being tracked and filmed by it's big brother, the Perseverance rover. This successful ascent and descent it big news, because whether the 'copter could or would fly was purely theoretical; you can't simulate both Martian gravity and atmosphere in a lab here on Earth.
Watch out Titan, because this will be you in fifteen years.
"Great. Human tourists. Can't wait."
More Of Conrad's Convention
If you recall yesteryon, AND YOU BETTER HAD, then you know Your Humble Scribe has declared Grammar And Spelling War upon those who abuse language in pursuit of ghastly punnery (because that's MY job) or publicity, or simply because they think they're being clever. A case in point was the ghastly manufactured pop group B*witched, who were a kind of eighteenth-rate Spice Girls wannabe-band, when the Spice Girls themselves were ghastly old scrubbers of a distinctly third-rate variety, blessed with a brilliant manager. Art!
Conrad immediately dubbed them "Basteriskwitched", which is closer to the truth than they'd like. They infested the airwaves between 1999 and 2002 and then vanished (hooray!), before briefly reappearing in 2012 (booh!) as part of a sad nostalgic "where are they now?" music tour, after which Basteriskwitched disappeared again and haven't troubled the musical world since.
Good.
The Buses Are Back!
Not that they ever really went away. Conrad, secure behind his electric fencing and Lava Moat, is able to see them whiz up and down Tandle Hill every day. No, rather, I mean the posters across their sides have recently exhibited a change. This is important because one of the intellectual impetuses of years gone by was the ever-changing bus poster, which provided fruitful ammunition for abuse and criticism. O how we missed you, bus poster! Art?
I DO THE PUNS AROUND HERE
Can you call a female a 'mare' these days? I suspect not. Perhaps she's a local politician at councillor level, with ambitions on the city's top spot, and it's all about bartering and negotiating political deals in smoky back rooms in the small hours?
Or perhaps not. Can't be bothered to look. Got beer to drink in celebration of Ingenuity.
Finally -
I know, I know, you were promised more matte work from "The Day Of The Triffids". Perhaps tomorrow if you're good, perhaps NEVER IF YOU'RE BAD. We shall see. Your Humble Scribe has to work out which bits are matte work, and which are extras dressed as triffids in front of a painted backdrop, whilst a giant improvised flamethrower goes into action. Dangerous stuff indeed!
Roast veg for dinner
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