HAARPing On

No, It's Not A Typographical Error
And yes, we did cover a big bang project called "HARP" yesterday, and no, it's still not a typographical error.
     Before we go any further, however, you might like to dash into the kitchen and hastily don a tinfoil hat, because what we are about to cover consists of a whole dustbin of crazy in a jam-jar.  Or, for any bemused South Canadians reading this, a trash-can of crazy in a jello-jar.

                                      CAUTION!  Not to scale.
     First I need to direct you to the environs of Gakon, Alaska, which is the home of the High-Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, from which we get HAARP.  Art?

No strings attached.  Cables and guy wires, yes; but no strings.

     No longer active, this array of aerials was built and operated by a conglomeration of South Canadian military and scientific entities, and was intended to research the ionosphere.  It operated in plain sight for about 20 years until the research program was complete and has been shut down.
    "Is that all?" I hear you query?  
     Alert!  DON TINFOIL HAT NOW!!
     HAARP features well to the fore in many, many conspiracy theories, of which I shall mention only a few.  We do have a word limit, after all.  It is alleged to cause earthquakes, and volcanoes, and hurricanes, and tornadoes, and tsunamis and - probably the kicker - to control people's minds.

One can dominate the world for such a modest outlay.

     There are several problems with these assertions.*  If the earthquake and volcano cannon capability were true, why is Moscow not a fuming volcanic crater?  Why is Tehran still standing?  Why has the Populous eople's Dictatorship's eastern seaboard not been washed away?

Note: not a documentary

     If the eeeevil mind control ray capability is true, why are people raving conspiranoid loonwaffles witlessly babbling nonsense, instead of the whole planet bowing down in total obedience to our benevolent South Canadian overlords?
      Really!
     One skeptic snarkily did a whole raft of calculations on the time and energy requirements needed for HAARP to create a hurricane, and with a little fudging on some guesstimates, reported that it would take 30,000,000,000,000,000 years.  To only very remotely have a chance of happening.

Or many times longer than the lifetime of the Universe, or even the Rolling Stones.

     No matter how eeeevil DARPA and the South Canadian Air Force are, I think this timescale is a little outside their funding capabilities.

Talking Of Swivel-Eyed Bumbletucks -
I know it's not polite to mock the afflicted, but in the olden days the afflicted didn't bruit their insanity to the world and act proudly about it.  

Your cat, sir, does not look at all amused.

     Here an aside.  You may acknowledge that the Allotment of Eden was decades ahead of the world when it granted people leave to rant and tant about whatever they wanted at Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park, from the mid-19th Century onwards.  You can still go there today if you wish, and lecture on anything.**  In the Sinister Union, modern Ruffia or the Populous People's Dictatorship, trying to do this will render you like unto Doctor Griffin or Chevy Chase.***

Speaker's Corner, with added Speaker.

     Today, everyone who has bats, bees and badgers in their belfry now has a global audience whom they can prate to.  For some of these people, the global HAARP conspiracy is much too demure and sensible; if I feel like demonstrating what extremes they descend to it won't be today.  You can only take so much crazy.

On A Whim -
I decided to try and see what comes up if you randomly preface an everyday word with "Atomic -", just because it amuses me.  
     Well well.   The results were surprising, and included the following:

Wait - what?  DRAGONS?

     There's more.  Art?

Hmmmm.

     A bit of a hard sell, one feels.

"Here's a domestic pet that's really wizard -

It's the glow-in-the-dark atomic lizard!

Saving you lots on your electric bills.

But CAUTION! for proximity kills."

(Also helps keep insect infestations down)

Okay, I Need To Do Some Ranting Myself
Just to cement my place as Today's Premier Grumpy Old Man, and to take a few snide potshots at what Auntie Beeb considers news.  Bring on the targets -

Headline:  "Who will win big this awards season?"

DON'T KNOW!  DON'T CARE!

     Conrad doesn't even know what awards they're talking about and that's all the interest I have, especially as your humble scribe hates other people telling him what he ought to like.  I'LL DECIDE THAT, THANKS.  Next!

Headline:"Is the party over for Ibiza?"

DON'T KNOW!  DON'T CARE!

     Because I, for one, am never going there.  Next!

Headline:"Which airline has the most female pilots?"

DON'T KNOW!  DON'T CARE!

     Mostly because we're in that narrow technological window before Skynet takes over remotely piloting all planes everywhere.  

Your Humble Servant

     Which is a good thing, right?
     Enough of borderline barmy, it's time for lunch, where I get to tease Edna with my food before clearing the plate and then cackling with glee.  Or is shading too much into Horrid Old Man?  Plus - crosswords!

Finally - 
Time to end on something light and frothy.  What can we summon up?  Ah yes - Art?  Put that plate of coal down -

Somebody went to a good deal of trouble here.

     If this were a witty, perceptive or amusing blog, instead of being the ravings of a ghastly old curmudgeon, there'd be a crack or two about 'Animal Farm' but, with me being me, and Conrad being Conrad (not necessarily the same thing) all I can think of is "dinner on the hoof".  Which, to me, is light and frothy.  Your opinions count for much less.

*  Apart from being bonkers.
**  "Thermonuclear weapon design for amateurs" or "Cannibalism - global population solver" might make the police step in, though.
***  That is, they became invisible, and - vanished.