Bring On The Big Guns

No, I Mean The REALLY Big Guns
If you recall anything about Conrad, then you know he has a childish delight in guns - "Artillery pieces" if we're being formal - and his interest is all the more piqued as the guns get bigger and bigger.
     So, in the spirit of acknowledging the Centenary of the First Unpleasantness, let us examine (briefly, for this is not the focus of our article) the 'Paris Gun', a monstrous great construction.  Art?

Thus

     This should allay any of you Classic scholars who object that "Paris used a sword!" because you are pedantic and hairsplitterish and also showing off.

Paris.  Possibly in Paris, but not made from Plaster of Paris .

     The Paris Gun was built by the Teutons to bombard Paris from 80 miles away, which it could and did.  However! It was 250 tons in weight, could not be moved, could only hit a city-sized target, required an enormous number of crew, needed a series of replacement barrels, fired a rather small shell, needed someone with a degree in advanced mathematics to work out how to aim it and all told siphoned off a lot of resources that would have been better used elsewhere.

Ludendorff is - sad.

     Well, the PG is not novel, Conrad has heard of it before and there are probably model kits of it to boot, as model builders will gladly construct things that came in single numbers or never existed in the first place.
      Anyway, what I really wanted to mention was another enormous gun utterly new to me, that came under the heading of "High Altitude Research Project", that being a collaboration by the South Canadians and British Americans back in the early Sixties.  The idea was to take a surplus 16" naval gun, which is a pretty large piece of ordnance in it's own right, and join another 16" naval gun to it, making the whole thing 40 yards long.  Art?

Paging Mister Freud -

     There were three of these monstrous weapons, which were used to fire special instrument rounds into the lower atmosphere, in order to test how missiles would work up there.  One gun holds the record for firing a 'Martlet' round 110 miles up.  Art?

Martlet missiles modelled by a Miss

     Using an artillery piece to fire these test and instrument rounds meant a faster, more reliable and much cheaper method than using the somewhat unreliable rocketry of the era.
     Of course the story doesn't end there, but I think we've had enough big bangs for one day.  We may go on about SHARP later, and even HAARP -
     Tell the motley to stand still whilst our blindfolded staff hurl the poison darts - if it moves it makes a noise and they may hit it!*

Motley!  You're looking well.

Well-Gotten Gains
I did mention briefly yesterday that Wonder Wifey has returned, to the general delight and delectation of Edna, who now doesn't have to suffer wilful horrid sinful opprobious eeeevil malicious neglect.** To the muted relief of your humble scribe, too, who is no longer bound foot and hand by a small furry child.

If a dog can be said to sleep contemptuously,  then here it is.

      The human component at The Mansion who have been abroad did decide to modestly reward your talented typist, for putting up with furry petulance.  Art?

     That to port is a miniature calendar, the pages of which can be torn off to use as bookmarks, which is a boon to Conrad - a man never short of books whose pages need marking and who jibs at turning down the page corners.

You What?
That font of all the news that's fit to writ, namely the BBC, has an item up that details how difficult and dangerous it can be for NASA's Insight probe to land on the surface of Mars.  The jargon for this is "Entry, Descent and Landing" and mistakes at any one of these critical points can result in destruction of the probe.  Art?

It's all happening!

     Of course, that's what They want you to believe.  Just like there was that nonsense about the 'Beagle' probe crashing because of pounds versus kilograms or some such.  The fact is, those who already own Martian real estate don't want any nosy strangers, nor their technology, poking around.

"Human ssssquatterssss not wanted!"

     Now, whilst I assert this, you may bet your boots that UNIT, Spectrum, MI5 and the FSB are all

     BOOJUM! has been temporarily suspended and taken off-line for purely technical reasons.  Please check back at a later date once these have been resolved, or InSight has landed successfully, whichever comes first.


*  Or they may not.  We don't really care.
**  This may be a little exaggerated, I'm channeling Edna.