The Hairbrush Of HORROR!

Indeed.
Before we continue any further, I should warn you that this concerns the First Unpleasantness.  Yes, again!  Twice in one day, egad.  Come on, I know you can make it: "But screw your courage to the sticking place", as the Barf of Avon once said, although why you would need to go all DIY on the courage if it's already been blue-tacked into place beats me.

 - and applying that to this would invoke the fury of the RSPCA

     Okay, cast your mind back in time to 1915, when trench warfare had settled in on the Western Front, and where the Teuton had a distinct advantage in firepower, as our valiant chaps of Perfidious Albion admitted: they had minenwerfers (or mortars), hand-grenades, sniping rifles, rifle-grenades, plentiful artillery - which was all undermined by having silly helmets everyone compared to pickle-skewers.  
     Disregarding that last, our chaps in the trenches were forced to improvise, and their Royal Engineer compatriots rose to the occasion, coming up with a monstrosity known as the "Number 12 Grenade", or to you and I, the "Hairbrush Bomb".  Yes, for some reason the troops from the Allotment of Eden insisted on calling hand-grenades "Bombs" then and later.  Art!

One can see the family resemblance

     Pretty crude, admittedly.  However, the sheer amount of explosive present on this hairbrush handle would cause the eyes of anyone on the receiving end to water profusely.  To alliterate overmuch, you might call it the Hun-Hammering Hairbrush of Hurled High-Explosive Horror.
     There you go, I think we've squeezed as much material as possible out of this subject, so it only remains for me to -

    Hang on, hang on!  Is Don Fagen still alive and healthy?  We need to know - 

"Cool it, Connie, cool it.  I'm copacetic."*

     I'm not sure where this disgracefully casual attitude towards my name has come from, but - hmmmm - actually it does have a ring to it -

"Arachnids In The UK"**
Here an aside - I've just been watching 'Doctor Who' and was delighted to see that they recognised a giant spider is it's own worst enemy - it's the spiracles, you see, whereby they imbibe Oxygen Lovely Oxygen.  The bigger the spider the longer the square root law applies and the less O2 it can breathe. 

Why does this giant spider only have 7 legs?

     I always understood that the chitin constituting a spider's exoskeleton would collapse under it's own weight were it to get bigger than dinner-plate sized, until I realised that these particular ones were Hideous Mutant Freaks, able to grow to family-car size without suffering terminal crush.

Whereas this, of course, is laughable nonsense.

   
Okay, Let's Do A "Mash-Cup"
As the young people say.  Combine Conrad's love of tanks (Big!  Metal!  Explodey!) with his perpetual worry about the impending Zombie Apocalypse (It's 'When' not 'If'!) and - exactly how effective would a tank be during the ZA?

These ones - not so much.

     "Not very much" say some websites.  "Not at all" proffer others.  Their rationale is that a tank is designed principally to take on other tanks, or to offer support to infantry.  One spectacularly dim webpage offers details - 

https://www.quora.com/How-effective-could-tanks-be-against-zombies-in-a-Z-A

     Okay, chaps, a tank also possesses at least one machine gun, co-axial alongside the main gun.  The CO usually has another atop the turret, both of which would excel at gunning down revenants at a mile away.

Or -

     The Quora author also appears to lack knowledge of what a high-explosive round does in the real world.  Rather than have to scramble a Z's brains with shrapnel, which would be a matter of chance, the shock wave from an exploding shell would pulverise any ambulatory Z's within an area of about 30 square yards.  This could be done so far from any Z's that their decayed auditory system cannot locate the sonic source.
     Then there is the "shotgun" round for tanks.  Surprise! the military has studied zombie urban warfare and come up with a counter for infantry attacks.  Art?

Hay Pesto!

     This in fact goes back to the Second Unpleasantness - which is just about where we came in and so time to 




*  This is rock-star for "Fine"
**  Love the punk rock reference.