Shall I Compare Thee To -

THE WORLD BLOWING UP!
Or, if that's not flattering enough, you might prefer an autumnal day.  Not a summer one, some bloke from Stratford's got dibs on that.
     I had to get that title in there as it seems you lot out there cannot get enough of Conrad blathering on about the world ending in some gruesome fashion.  You can thank Cuadrilla for bringing the subject up; they are probably the only people around who would love to hear the answer "No" when they ask "Did the earth move for you?"

Earthquake-free days: 5 2 and counting

     Here an aside.  There were commentators on the Beeb's webpage about the above, explaining that it was only a 1.1 earthquake on the Richter scale, and you wouldn't be able to feel it, there are lots of these all the time, that bloke writing BOOJUM! is an alarmist, high winds over Norway have affected the mango crop - you get the idea.  Yes, chaps, but there weren't any earthquakes in Little Plumpton before this insane project to tap Stahlman's Gas - no, hang on, that was 'Doctor Who', wasn't it?  No earthquakes, anyway.  Then they get a couple at 0.8, then one at 1.1, and I'm sure you can see a progression in train here.  Art?

Hy-Brasil: a dreadful warning.

     Where were we?  O yes - I do beg your pardon, I never explained what the Mohorovicic Discontinuity is, did I?  It sounds like some sinister doomsday weapon that will unravel the whole of reality if used, or at the very least transform all sugar into salt.*
     Normally the term gets abbreviated to "Moho" because lazy Westerners can't be bothered to pronounce Slavic terms properly.
     It is the point where the earth's crust meets the mantle.  Art?

Thus

     Now you know.  Excuse me, time for lunch!

     Hmmm, this coffee tastes odd.  Almost as if -
     Here another aside.  Most disconcertingly, I have a snatch of classical music stuck in my head and I cannot exorcise it by playing the real thing as I've no idea what it is.  A touch baroque, a touch Bach, perhaps played by a chamber orchestra?

Probably not, Art.  But thanks for trying.

     Time to slide the motley over that frozen lake to the very middle, where the ice is thinnest!

Sadly, It's In Sweden
Conrad was enthused to read that a Museum of Disgusting Food was being opened, with a menu that promised to be truly nauseating: cheese filled with live maggots, wine with added dead mouse and a bull's penis all featured.  Also haggis, which is delicious not disgusting and maybe a typo.
     However, it was not to be - it's located at Malmo, in Sweden.  Perhaps they might consider going on tour?
     The curator explained that the most disgusting thing he'd ever eaten was Fermented Shark (from Iceland), which tasted " - like death mixed with ammonia -"
     Conrad is doing the weekly shop tonight - I shall check the meat counter at Morrisons just in case ...

Hakarl, as it is known, in the raw

The Silly Mu
If you recall, your humble scribe was going on about the supposed lost continent of Lemuria, which linked Madagascar with India, until it sank (Cuadrilla take note!).
     Except not really.  Plate tectonics and continental drift both explained why there were lemurs in Madagascar and India yet none in Africa.
     Let me now introduce you to another loony lost land, that of - Mu.  You may pronounce it "Moo" or "Myoo" as you wish, it's not that important.  This missing continent was alleged to sit in the middle of the Pacific, being all self-important and complacent, until one day it went BANG! and sank, taking all it's tremendously advanced technology with it.

A gift of a name

     Except not really.  There's absolutely no trace of this place in the waters of the Pacific, nor has anyone dredged up any of their incredibly advanced artefacts, which is a shame, as we could do with a washing machine that's also a tumble drier and makes you a nice espresso on the side.  The theory of Mu was put about by someone called Plongeon, and out of respect to the M8s I shall refrain from punning on his name.**

On The Other Hand -
New lands often appear out of the ocean depths, especially in the Pacific, where there are oodles of volcanoes, which rather scorns the name "Pacific" since there is little in nature less pacific than a volcanic eruption.  Art?

Hunga Tonga Hunga Ha'apai

     Note how I gamefully avoid cheap puns here.**  That island above may last for decades, long enough for life to get established there.  The odds are that it will eventually erode away, leaving naught but tall tales of a transient terrain.

And with that - these chips taste really odd, you know - we are gone ...




*  Almost as disturbing if equally unlikely.
**  <grits teeth very hard indeed>