The Bananas Of DOOM!

And No, We Are Not Talking "Invasion Of The Weaselnanas"
We are instead talking about plain, common, everyday bananas, those yellow bendy fruits that get a fit of the freckles if neglected for any length of time.  
     Of course you'd be doomed if a crate of bananas fell upon you from any height, as they must mass about half a ton.

CAUTION: dangerous at height

     What we are talking about here is a theme explored briefly yet hilariously on the "Because Science" Youtube channel, where Kyle took audience questions.  "Bananas are radioactive," stated his commenter.  "How many would you need to eat to DIE FROM RADIATION POISONING?!"
     Shockingly, it turns out that bananas are radioactive.  Just very, very slightly, due to their high potassium content, since some of that element is in the form of a radioactive isotope.  The official rating is one-millionth of a Sievert per banana.  Kyle - Art?

Winsome young Kyle, looking a bit unkempt

     Doing some quick maths, Kyle worked out that you could - theoretically - manage to give yourself a dose of radiation poisoning via banana, by eating 922 lbs of them PER DAY EVERY DAY FOR A WHOLE YEAR.
     This diet, of course, would kill you long before the radiation did.
     "Gosh!" I hear you expostulate.  "The killer in the kitchen - who knew!"
     Suck it in, pal.  Let's hope you don't smoke tobacco, since that contains the unholy trinity of Thorium, Polonium and Uranium.  That latter being the stuff they make atom bombs from.
     Well, hopefully your slimming via Conrad's Terror Diet is off to a good start - let us now see how many raw ostrich eggs the motley can eat before it's stomach rebels!*

The Haul
Yesterday, it being my day off (I am working Saturday so you're only going to get a single post then, and be happy about it), I ventured into Royton before the shops closed, and Hay Pesto!  Came across a couple of bargains.  If we can prod our resident Neanderthal art provider into ironic action - Art!

     That's a 'Bryant & May' I've not read yet, and it was only 99p, rather than £10, which is enough to lighten the spirits.  The big pink work is a Taschen volume on the artist Wassily Kandinsky, all glossy paper and colour illustrations, and it was only 33p.  Plus, you can never have too much of either i)  Crossword helpers or ii) Zombies.  The only downside was that they took up all the room in my bag, and the groceries consequently got a bit squashed.  Still, Smoked Mackerel Pate only lasts a few weeks - a book is forever!** 
Conrad Still Alive
Somewhat to my surprise, your humble scribe was not blasted into a smoking pile of ash when he crossed the threshold of Holy Trinity Church last Saturday, for the second part of that days organ recitals.  The Lord is merciful, it seems, or is prepared to wait a while.
     Anyway, this was a proper venue for listening to an organ; a great big church with enormous pipeworks.  Art?

Enormous pipeworks

     The pipes rattled somewhat when the bass notes were being played via the pedals, proof that it wasn't all done with smoke, mirrors and wireless digital speakers.

Monkeying Around
Yesterday, it being my day off - have I mentioned that already? - your modest artisan went a-tidying in the kitchen cupboards where cake ingredients hold sway.  Why we need two unopened tins of treacle is beyond me, as is the requirement for three bags of desiccated coconut, and eight packs of fudge chunks, strawberry buttons and orange-flavoured slices.
      To use up some of the excess, I baked what will turn out to be Chewy Monkey Bars.  Art?

     Emphatically not safe for veggies, coeliac sufferers, diabetics or those on a diet.  So, after gazing longingly at it, I shall have to - to - er - actually not entirely sure what to do with it.  Eat the lot and dare diabetic death destiny?

Finally -
I did mention yesterday that there were several "Mysteries" (O those quotation marks again!) in my rediscovered edition of "Arthur C. Clarke's Chronicle of the Mysterious" which had undergone the de-mystification process.  They had, in fact, been proven to be utterly un-mysterious hoaxes.  Take "The Surgeon's Photo", for example.  This was supposed to have been the smoking gun that proved the Loch Ness Monster existed.  Art?

The usual suspect

     However.  And a 'However' in neon letters ten feet tall, the photo above is a cropped enlargement of the original, which is a whole lot less impressive when you see it.  Art?

Thus

     The 'monster' here is definitely not a large beast hundreds of yards away in the middle of the loch (as the man who took it claimed), it is a small one pretty close to shore.  This was known in 1984, at which point the photo begins to look rather dodgy.  Of course, in 1993 SPOILER ALERT!  - see how considerate I am? SPOILER ALERT someone confessed to hoaxing the whole thing with a fake head and toy submarine.
The truth shall set you free, eh?

Oh, and finally finally, since we were going on about "Mothership"s and quotation marks, and because I know that Art is a greasy headbanging fan of heavy metal, let your eyes rest upon this picture -

CAUTION!  Not suitable for asteroid exploration
(Nor elderly relatives)

And there we are.

*  Do motleys even have stomachs?  I forget.

Possibly a motley

**  Not technically true, yet I have stuff that's a hundred years old and still viable.  Just try eating fish paste after a century and see how quickly you die.