Demystification In Depth

There Are Two Parts To This
Which might not share an obvious connection at first, though it will become apparent if you stick with us.*
     Okay, the BBC's science pages on it's website have been explaining away the XPRIZE competition that will be taking place in Greece later this year.  This is a competition where 8 competing teams will attempt to accurately map an area of about 100 miles square.

Land of retsina and Herodotus

     The catch is that the mapping has to be done remotely, with minimal human intervention, and it takes place at the bottom of the Mediterranean sea, in waters up to 4 miles deep.
     Erk.
     The winner gets £2.5 million.  They will have earned it, as this is no easy task, given the temperature, the pressure and the absence of sunlight.  Let's have a look at some of the robotic explorers.  Art?


     There you have, from port to starboard, the South Canadian, the Nork and the Nippon entrants in this contest.  Oh, and they have but 24 hours to save the Earth to acquire the mapping data.  So, no pressure there then - no pun intended.
     The prize money has been put up by Shell, with the eventual aim of creating a detailed and accurate map of your our planet's ocean and sea-floors, of which we have a very poor overall picture at present.  The Beeb points out, quite appositely, that we have a better picture of the Moon's surface, and also that of Mars, as they do not possess a coy covering of dihydrogen monoxide.

The Atlantic, naked.

     A worthy aim.  I wonder, would it coming to fruition jeapordise my screenplay for "The Kraken Wakes"?  If so then <ahem> a little judicious sabotage might be in order -
     - which you never read here. 
     Okay, that's the first part of D.i.D. done.  It only remains to entrap the motley with a collection of old rubber tyres and see how well it rolls downhill!

A Mystery Demystified
Let us abruptly change tack and switch to the subject of sea monsters, and a sub-set thereof: lake monsters.  We've already covered the fakery associated with the Loch Ness Monster; if you live outside South Canada or British America then you may not have heard of the North American equivalent, "Champ".  This supposed beastie dwells in the depths of Lake Champlain, hence the name.  Art?  Map!

 A long lake

      Like all cryptids (imaginary beasts) there is no physical evidence of Champ: no carcasses, no captures, no remains of prey, absolutely nothing physical.  So!  Do people give up believing in it?  No!  No, they did not, because of this photograph:

Hmmm

     As with all such media copies of anything like this, they have zoomed and cropped the image, because the original was a lot more ambiguous.  Of course there was a chorus of Ooohs and Aaaahs, and "Ha! take that, science -"
     Let's see the original - 

Still Hmmm

     Rather less impressive.  Things become even less impressive when the people who took the photograph claimed they couldn't remember where it was taken - so there's no way to judge distance and thus the scale of whatever's in the photograph.  Oh, except that they could remember - whoops, no, they still can't.  Examining the negative - for this picture was taken in 1977 when rolls of film still reigned - would bring out all sorts of interesting details - Except not.  They threw away the negative.  Or they burned it.  Or buried it.
     There was also a 4 year delay before they came forward with the photo, during which time they kept it pinned on a wallboard and also hidden away in a drawer.  Which is it?

Monster bait

     Now, if a detailed barymetric survey of Lake Champlain were to be taken, by the winner of XPRIZE, that would help to drown the somewhat soggy legend of Champ.
     The truth shall set you free, but you can't sell it to sensationalist television programs, sadly.

     Well, haven't we been all scientific and materialist and shizzle.  Let us lighten matters with some LITHIUM WAFER BATTERY DES with a photograph.

Speaking Of Moles -
We have been, just not of the short-sighted black-befurred worm-guzzling variety.  More the hydraulically-propelled subterranean construction aid.  Okay, take a gander at this.  Art?

Hooray!

     That's not dirt, it's patina.  I rediscovered these down the back of a cabinet when digging** out my wargaming kit, and there the Mole is.  The voice command button on TB2 doesn't work any longer, which might merely be down to a flat battery, so I may dig out fresh ones and see how many people I can annoy with it.***

Finally -
Just as sharks are our friends, so eels are not.  You may think me a pettygfoggying Cassandra, but I'm warning you, those horrid slimy monsters are looking to get back at having been a human snack for, Lo! these many millenia.
     I say "snack" when it should actually mean "food only to be eaten on a dare, when drunk, or if desperate" and I say this as someone who has eaten jellied eels.  Art?

Eel about to eat jellied human

     The KILLER EEL! can still be deadly even when dead, as in the case of the Giant Moray Eel (that above is an infant only days old^), and several other species, who stockpile a host of poisons in their internal organs, chortling to themselves as they are killed by fishermen.  This is because they can still poison the puny humans long after having been killed, cooked and served up as a substitute for fish and chips.
     Worrying stuff, eh?

The dentist's nightmare: killer eel with toothache

     I think that's enough toxic terror for one day.  Later!


*  The royal "us".  At present there's only me here; not even any chickens.
**  Ho ho.
***  Plenty!
^  This may be a teensy weensy lie.