Shall I Compare Thee To -

THE WORLD BLOWING UP!
Or, if that's not flattering enough, you might prefer an autumnal day.  Not a summer one, some bloke from Stratford's got dibs on that.
     I had to get that title in there as it seems you lot out there cannot get enough of Conrad blathering on about the world ending in some gruesome fashion.  You can thank Cuadrilla for bringing the subject up; they are probably the only people around who would love to hear the answer "No" when they ask "Did the earth move for you?"

Earthquake-free days: 5 2 and counting

     Here an aside.  There were commentators on the Beeb's webpage about the above, explaining that it was only a 1.1 earthquake on the Richter scale, and you wouldn't be able to feel it, there are lots of these all the time, that bloke writing BOOJUM! is an alarmist, high winds over Norway have affected the mango crop - you get the idea.  Yes, chaps, but there weren't any earthquakes in Little Plumpton before this insane project to tap Stahlman's Gas - no, hang on, that was 'Doctor Who', wasn't it?  No earthquakes, anyway.  Then they get a couple at 0.8, then one at 1.1, and I'm sure you can see a progression in train here.  Art?

Hy-Brasil: a dreadful warning.

     Where were we?  O yes - I do beg your pardon, I never explained what the Mohorovicic Discontinuity is, did I?  It sounds like some sinister doomsday weapon that will unravel the whole of reality if used, or at the very least transform all sugar into salt.*
     Normally the term gets abbreviated to "Moho" because lazy Westerners can't be bothered to pronounce Slavic terms properly.
     It is the point where the earth's crust meets the mantle.  Art?

Thus

     Now you know.  Excuse me, time for lunch!

     Hmmm, this coffee tastes odd.  Almost as if -
     Here another aside.  Most disconcertingly, I have a snatch of classical music stuck in my head and I cannot exorcise it by playing the real thing as I've no idea what it is.  A touch baroque, a touch Bach, perhaps played by a chamber orchestra?

Probably not, Art.  But thanks for trying.

     Time to slide the motley over that frozen lake to the very middle, where the ice is thinnest!

Sadly, It's In Sweden
Conrad was enthused to read that a Museum of Disgusting Food was being opened, with a menu that promised to be truly nauseating: cheese filled with live maggots, wine with added dead mouse and a bull's penis all featured.  Also haggis, which is delicious not disgusting and maybe a typo.
     However, it was not to be - it's located at Malmo, in Sweden.  Perhaps they might consider going on tour?
     The curator explained that the most disgusting thing he'd ever eaten was Fermented Shark (from Iceland), which tasted " - like death mixed with ammonia -"
     Conrad is doing the weekly shop tonight - I shall check the meat counter at Morrisons just in case ...

Hakarl, as it is known, in the raw

The Silly Mu
If you recall, your humble scribe was going on about the supposed lost continent of Lemuria, which linked Madagascar with India, until it sank (Cuadrilla take note!).
     Except not really.  Plate tectonics and continental drift both explained why there were lemurs in Madagascar and India yet none in Africa.
     Let me now introduce you to another loony lost land, that of - Mu.  You may pronounce it "Moo" or "Myoo" as you wish, it's not that important.  This missing continent was alleged to sit in the middle of the Pacific, being all self-important and complacent, until one day it went BANG! and sank, taking all it's tremendously advanced technology with it.

A gift of a name

     Except not really.  There's absolutely no trace of this place in the waters of the Pacific, nor has anyone dredged up any of their incredibly advanced artefacts, which is a shame, as we could do with a washing machine that's also a tumble drier and makes you a nice espresso on the side.  The theory of Mu was put about by someone called Plongeon, and out of respect to the M8s I shall refrain from punning on his name.**

On The Other Hand -
New lands often appear out of the ocean depths, especially in the Pacific, where there are oodles of volcanoes, which rather scorns the name "Pacific" since there is little in nature less pacific than a volcanic eruption.  Art?

Hunga Tonga Hunga Ha'apai

     Note how I gamefully avoid cheap puns here.**  That island above may last for decades, long enough for life to get established there.  The odds are that it will eventually erode away, leaving naught but tall tales of a transient terrain.

And with that - these chips taste really odd, you know - we are gone ...




*  Almost as disturbing if equally unlikely.
**  <grits teeth very hard indeed>

The Thermonuclear Train Of TERROR!

Ah, Uppercase, How I Love Thee
Please note that your humble scribe only used a single exclamation mark, proof that I can be restrained when need be.
     Today's Intro, and title, come from a note I jotted down last night, to whit: "Horror Express".
     I don't think I was referring to that cheap and cheerful horror fillum of the same name - but with my mind you never know. Treacherous things, minds. 
     Here an aside.  Art?

The cat had left something behind ...

     The film "Horror Express" was made because the producers managed to get hold of a couple of train carriage sets from the immensely more lavish production of "Nicholas and Alexandra".  Having got the sets, they then created a film around them.  And there is a classic line which IMDB shamefully neglects to add; when Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing are paired together to hunt down the body-hopping monster, another passenger queries that either of them might be the monster.
     "My dead chap, we're British!" counters Mister Cushing.  And that settles the matter.

A keen wargamer as well, actually

     Back to the Chemin De Fer of Fear!  
     We have been looking at ways this world might come to an end of late, and of course anything that increases the size of the world's nuclear arsenals is always a bit of a worry - though I take it that the Powers That Be have taken steps to ensure a General Jack D. Ripper scenario cannot occur in real life.

Powers Boothe.  Close enough
(A still from "By Dawn's Early Light, which is a thriller about - you guessed it - nuclear war)

     Art got something right for once!  Entirely by accident, and he can't take any credit, it's all my influence.
     Where were we?  Oh, that's right, trains.  If Ol' Don is keen on tearing up treaties and getting missile plants tooled up to run day and night again, then we might see the arrival in South Canada of the train-transported nuke.  Don't laugh, it was being tested as a concept back in the early Sixties, and the Sinisters had several deployed operationally before 2005.  Tsar Putin was boasting about having new ones created, until he saw the price tag.
     Anyway!  Back to South Canada.  There was an experimental train system used for a couple of years, under the title of "Peacekeeper", before the Cold War ended.  Art?

Playing the innocent, eh?

     The cost would have been about £10 billion for 25 trains, each toting 2 ICBMs.  The idea of having your Big Bang Bombs on a train is that they are surpassingly mobile and can easily be miles away from any incoming ICBM by the time it arrives.  Plus, they can hide in tunnels.
     Of course, such a scheme would never get off the ground here in the Allotment of Eden, since First Group would lose at least one train, have half the rest out of service because of <insert feeble excuse here> and would fire the others at Switzerland.  Or Swaziland, if that's still a thing.

A death-dealing Kargo of Kill!

     Time to see if it's possible for the motley to clean out a petrol tanker with a box of matches!

That was a mighty long intro.  Tomorrow I'll tell you more tales of thermonuclear terror-trains.

A Sinking Feeling
Did you realise that, alongside Atlantis and Lyonesse, another sunken continent was proposed to have existed in the Indian Ocean?  This was back in the 19th Century, where all sorts of lost continents and land bridges were proposed, to the extent that old Earth's continents would have been going up and down like express elevators if these theories were accurate.  Art?

Lemuria

     This hypothetical continent was proposed to explain about the lemurs, whose fossils were found in Madagascar and India, yet not Africa.  "How can this be?" puzzled the scientists.  "Aha!  Let us presuppose a conveniently-placed continent, which will solve everything."
     Except not.  We now know that continental drift has separated Madagascar from India, and that in the remote past both were part of the supercontinent Gondwanaland, wherein the lemur's ancestors roamed freely.

Sarcastic lemur is - ironic.

     Unfortunately for science, the woo-woo brigade got hold of the concept of Lemuria, and promptly adopted it as it was looking a bit unloved.  Now you too can wonder at the fantastically advanced Lemurian civilisation that had colour television, pepper vodka, automobiles and microwave ovens.*

Can also clean metal and fuel rockets

Finally -
Here's a test of how pop-culture savvy you are.  Earlier this week I posted a gallery of Judge Dredd characters, and dared you to identify them.  Today we cast our net a little wider, focussing on 2000AD in it's entirety.  Art?



     Anyone who guesses them all correctly will get a 24-hour pass out of the uranium mines when I take over.  Maybe a 48-hour pass if I'm feeling wildly generous.

*  But - did they ever put a man on the Moon, hmmm?