The Effects - Of "Planet Telex"

Yes, Your Humble Scribe Has Been Listening To A Lot Of Radiohead
It's not a crime.*  And it reinforces what I said about them at the time of "OK Computer" - a Pink Floyd for the Noughties.  Although this particular post is about "The Bends".
     Don't worry, Tom!  Unlike other assessments of lyrical content, this post will not rend your artistic sensibilities like a runaway combine harvester: you get a pass.
     So, to "Planet Telex".  I love the guitar sound on here, and don't want to know how it's done as that would diminish the appeal.

1/10 for artistic ability

     The lyrics are typically dark and gloomy "Everything is broken" and "Chasing you home" - but we're not here because we want to read about happy gambolling lambs.  Or sheep.** Or rainbows and a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
     What I want to know is, what on Earth is a Planet Telex?  Perhaps we are supposed to suss it out from the lyrical content, but apart from realising that the world is a dark and fearsome place, there's no help there.
     Okay, back to basics - what is a Telex in the first instance?  Art?


     There you go - an electronic printer connected by a telephone network, used mostly post-Second Unpleasantness.  They began to die out when the fax machine arrived, and by the time of "The Bends" (1995) they were mostly dead.  That first example above is from a museum exhibit, in fact.
     Still doesn't move us forward as to what a Planet one is, though.  I shall continue to cogitate on this.***

"Candidate"
It sounds nicer than it really is, doesn't it?  A sweet of some description, rather than a chiselling huckster whose sins haven't yet been found out.  I say, that's not bad, is it?  Ambrose Bierce would mildly approve of that one.

Yes they jolly well can!

     It comes, naturally, from Latin, that language that has it's long, taloned fingers in every European language, bar Gaelic.  From "Candidus" meaning "White", which became "Candidatus" meaning "White-robed" because in Roman times one who aspired to a position wore a white robe.  To show pureness of character, I presume; it could also be dyed a different colour once you gained office.

Thus

 
You WHAT?!
There are times when the Beeb's website throws up interesting sidelines, usually when I'm in a hurry and have a bus to catch within minutes THANK YOU AUNTIE BEEB THANK YOU SO MUCH <there I feel better now> and sometimes - not so much.  Take this one, for example.  Art?

<Gasp>

      ARE YOU COMPLETELY ROUND THE BEND!!!^
     I do not know what my mind looks like and given what comes to light at random, which is pretty much what you're reading at this very moment, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!
     Although I can guess.

Yes, thank you Art.  Now go and lie down.

     Bah!

Let Us Continue To Be Annoyed
It's so liberating!  A dash of disdain delivers daily delight, as I always say.
     First of all, let us abruptly change subject.  Do keep up, this is good mental exercise.  "Earthman, Come Home" by James Blish, because it's on my mind after banging on about The Bridge and his novel "They Shall Have Stars".  A bunch of rather shifty types are trying to get some Okie cities to undertake gas-mining work on a nearby gas giant (an Okie city being essentially a gigantic spaceship protected by forcefields).  Art?

A gas planet

An Okie City

     Our heroes ponder why the Shifty Types want to mine the atmosphere of the gas giant, and speculate that having a figurative beach-head would allow them to harvest endless amounts of poison gas.
     NO!  NO!  IT WILL NOT DO!^
     James Blish was a biology graduate, for heavens sake: he knew we can create organo-phosphorus gases that are infinitely more deadly than anything you can find in a planet's atmosphere; not to mention stuff like hydrazine, which was designed as ultra-high performance missile fuel but which is just as dangerous as nerve gases.
     Bah!
     Now, onto what I really wanted to concentrate my Frothing Nitric Ire upon - DUAL-SWITCHING TELEPHONE EXCHANGE MACHINERY!
     No, no, only kidding.  The Eurovision Song Contest, that's what.  Conrad, aware of his impeccable street cred - established above with Radiohead and Pink Floyd - would never lower himself to actually watch this hideous farrago, so this is second hand, and again originates with Auntie Beeb.  Art

As close as I want to get, thanks

      Who won?
     Israel.

     SINCE WHEN IS ISRAEL IN EUROPE! 

     Not only that, I see that Azerbaijan was also a competitor.

     CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT READ A MAP OR AN ATLAS OR A GAZETTEER?

     Art?  Map, NOW!

NOTE THE ABSENCE OF ISRAEL AND AZERBAIJAN FROM THIS MAP OF EUROPE!!!^

      Thank you.
     That is all.

* In fact, after I take over, it will become COMPULSORY.
**  Remember Pink Floyd and "Animals", eh?
*** I can feel your reassurement from here.
^  I know three exclamation marks is pushing it, but really!