Sugar Me

Actually, Don't
Your humble scribe being diabetic and all that, getting sugared - which is probably also some dreadful urban slang that refers to drugs and sex - would have me a-dead in the gutter very shortly.

A gutter .  Minus your humble scribe.

     "What do you mean, then, O thou aged and dyspeptic* epistolarian*?" I hear you query.  "Not that we are averse to hearing about you shuffling off this mortal coil."
     Pausing only to - I think we need a lesson in English derived from Latin here* - only to point out that we need to let Art off his leash - Art?  

     Art?




     ART!




     Dog Buns, he really doesn't pay attention, does he?  
     What I refer to is the sweet baked product of Tuesday night, a Butterscotch Marshmallow Tray, which is due to be divested amongst my work colleagues as of yesterday.  Art?

     It is even sweeter and gooier than it looks, as the shortcrust pastry base is also a sweet one - and an awkward swine to roll out, too - and the marshmallows are set in about a quart of butterscotch.  Diabetic coma induced by merely looking at it!
     At my old workplace in the Electric Goldfish Bowl, there was an unspoken agreement that my baked wares were not touched until 10 ante meridian.  Not so in the Dark Tower - they were right in there, like rats up a drainpipe.
     Okay, let's get the motley staggeringly drunk and then send it off on a 5 mile rollercoaster!

*"Dyspeptic"
Pertaining to someone suffering from bad digestion and who is therefore chronically bad tempered, grumpy, offensive and other nouns that apply to Conrad.  From the Greek "Pepsia" for 'stomach'.

* "Epistolarian"
One who writes epistles.  And I don't care if there's no such word in the dictionary because there is now.

Where do you think this marque came from?

BOOJUM! Reviews Films
We haven't done this for a while, so allow me to refresh your memories of how this done on the blog.  A proper film critic like Mark Kermode - a big fan of The Comsat Angels like me - will watch a film from end to end, probably twice, making careful notes in the process, then work up an analysis from that before presenting it to you, the public.
     We just look at the title, or the poster, and then make stuff up.
     Let's make stuff up!
"Sherlock Gnomes":  Conrad not sure what to make of this one.  The title riffs on the World's Senior Consulting Detective, who is fair game and out of copyright, yet the poster is for an animated film (always a worry), and it features a dyspeptic Robin Hood surrounded by - gnomes?  Never particularly took Mister Hood for one with forensic mental skills.  It may be a comedy, in which case AVOID.

That Tasmanian tinker playing in the Hood

"Anon":  My my, what a complete contrast in colour palette to "Sherlock Gnomes"; this one is all grim and monochrome, so it's by default a thriller.  "Off the grid" the tagline informs us; Conrad takes this to mean that this one is about - er - stealing electricity?  A dangerous crime to carry out, as while you may want to be off the grid, the grid never ceases to take an interest in you.

A very good reason for staying off the grid

"The Strangers": and there's more blurb after the number that I can't be bothered to recall.  If you're bothered, go chase Mark Kermode.

How To Scare Cats The Mark Kermode Way!
(Lessons available from £50 upwards.  Group discount)

     This is obviously a horror film, you can definitely tell from the colour palette.  It is apparently a sequel to one from 2008 called "The Strangers" beause Hey! no prizes in Hollywood for originality.  A sequel was always in the offing because the original made £50 million on a £6 million budget; truly, the only films that are guaranteed to recoup their budget are cheap-ass horror films and those ones where everyone takes their clothes off and <Mister Hand intervenes in the cause of SFW>

Close enough, and probably a lot more scary

Horses For Courses
I recently pondered on the real-world implications of gigantic donkey-sized weasels, and there is a corollary to this: donkeys the size of weasels.  Doesn't quite have the same cachet as a concept, does it?  One of the raison d'etre of the donkey, that of being able to carry freight, goes out the window immediately.  Unless you have herds of diddy donkeys, but then you'd need some kind of harness arrangement, and it's easier to use a dog-cart at this point.  Art?

Yes, dogs with machine guns!

     But dogs are our domestic delights, unlike - KILLER EELS!

PROOF!  PROOF I TELL YOU!

Goodbye!