Also, that wretched Coincidence Hydra has it's teeth in my nethers again, for what do I do in creating an hilarious tea-based pun on Dumas' novel, and then what crops up in the General Knowledge MEN crossword? "One of the Three Musketeers", which turned out to be "Athos". You remember, Athos, Porthos and Aramis. They also had a Comedy-Relief servant, who was a glutton, and whose name escapes me. No! They only became the Four Musketeers after D'Artagnan, the hot-headed Gason, joined them.
 |
| A truly execrable version |
Which has nothing to do with PEDIGREE PIG-BREEDING!
Which, of course, we're not going into. Dog Buns, do you really think the blog would descend to something so utterly trivial and banal?
No, instead we're going to tackle the KERRISON FIRE-CONTROL PREDICTOR! Much better.
The Kerrison was a mechanical analogue computer, one of that peculiar breed of machines that were around before the mighty vacuum valve ushered in electrical computers. You may recall the Dreyer Table, used by the Royal Navy to work out ballistic plotting for gunnery. Art?
 |
| I predict a riot |
The Kerrison was built onto the Bofors anti-aircraft gun, and was intended to be used versus aircraft flying at high speed and low level, where acquisition had to be swift. After all, if your oppo is whizzing through the heavens at 300 m.p.h. you're not going to have oodles of time to take aim and shoot. There is some nonsense on Wiki about it's weakness being the petrol needed to power it, which is drivel; these things were mounted on a gun that was towed by a tractor vehicle, which would carry simply bags of petrol. And the assertion that using the Kerrison made the Bofors less accurate is drivel, too. So there. Conrad has spoken. The matter is settled.
Okay, now onward and upward and the raw adrenaline excitement of LITHIUM BATTERY DESIGN!
Lithium battery design is a real thing. Who knew. Wowsers. Sounds spectacularly dull. Well, let's chuck the motley down the cellar stairs, lock the door and run away cackling.
"Miracle Mile"
Conrad remembers seeing this on video a long time ago, and enjoying it. After all, everyone likes an apocalyptic end-of-the-world film, don't they*? It starts off as a romantic comedy of errors and then metamorphoses into the Third Unpleasantness. What's not to like!
And along comes the Coincidence Hydra, to fasten it's teeth in my nethers again, because what features in this month's 'Empire'? Yes, articles not only about "The Thing" but also "Miracle Mile". Which, let us face it, is not a well-known film.
Dog Buns, Universe, use social media if you want to tell me something!
Nation Shall Speak Unto Nation
Whilst Conrad will talk to his work colleagues, some of whom are a bit wary of him. It's not everyone who likes to converse about the significant advantages of solid fuel over liquid variants in Submarine Launched Ballistic Missiles, after all. Nor, surprisingly, are folk eager to converse about the poisons of antiquity, nor about Extremely Dangerous Substances. Who knew!
 |
| An extremely dangerous substance! |
Thus we come to colleague Karolina, who is from Lithuania, and whom possesses sufficient natural politeness that she is quite willing to chat with your humble scribe. Not eager, exactly, but still - quite willing.
"Do you know of any Lithuanian rock bands you would recommend?" I asked. Why yes she did, which is how I came to be listening to Hiperbole last night. I'm going to go out on a limb here and declare that this is the Lithuanian word for 'hyperbole'.
The track is called "Pamirsk Mane" and I don't know what that means. I shall Google before asking further, as it might be in frightfully bad taste**.
POSTIES WITH MACHINE GUNS!
For those unfortunate not to live in The Allotment of Eden***, a "postie" is what we call the postman. Yes, postman, none of that snivelling PC nonsense here.
You may recall - in fact you had better recall - that Conrad had an item earlier this year about the United States Postal Inspection Service, who are essentially armed postmen who investigate things like mail fraud. Seriously, they can arrive on your doorstep carrying an M4 assault rifle.
 |
| Who didn't pay the correct postage, then? |
"Yes, but that leaves a substantial profit," I hear you object. "Crime. Paying, and all that."
Hmmm. They are also liable for 20 years in prison.
Postal fraudsters - take note.
Finally -
We've not had an appearance from Clara or Tony, two of the animals that constitute part of the BOOJUM! family stable, for simply ages. I'd just like you to know that Clara the Cannibal Combat Chicken is still very much hale, hearty and horrible, whilst Tony the Ten Ton Terror Toad is dieting. I've told him he can only stop once he reaches two tons, for obvious alliterative reasons.
Viszontlátásra! (which is "Goodbye" in Hungarian)
"Forget about me" - which is "Pamirsk Mane" in Lithuanian
* Or is it just me?
** Which would only increase it's appeal in my evil eyes.
*** Most of the world, in fact. Ha!
No comments:
Post a Comment