My Name Is Earl Grey

Not, It Has To Be Said
One of Conrad's preferred teas.  Too much of perfume about it, which always brings on worries about migraines.  Your humble scribe used to suffer from these, until he stopped using aftershave (a.k.a. perfume for men).  Still, it has served a purpose in creating a title for the blog.

Pearl, grey.  Close enough.

     Hmmm.  BOOJUM! is always trying to persuade readers that it is authentically British, as British as sentient fish and chips doing a Morris dance in the rain, so perhaps I ought not to disparage Earl Grey so.  After all, it is the captain's tipple of choice in that South Canadian cult success "Star Trek: The Next Generation".  Although he is French.  But played by a British actor.  In a series created by a South Canadian.  Who was inspired by a film based on a play by a Brit.

This one, WHICH YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW ABOUT!

     Truly, life is a series of infinitely recursive spirals.
     I think that's enough to count as an Intro.  Motley?  Don your shark-suit and get into the water!*

De-Fanging The Shark
As you should surely know by now, your humble scribe cannot resist punning about films (or television titles - see today's blog title for proof of this), and has been known to nearly arrive late at the Pub Quiz because some fool created a Twitter feed to do precisely this.

A shark with no teeth.  Yes, really.

     So!  Imagine my glee when The Flop House delivered a post inviting people to "De-Horror" a film title.
     Oh boy!  That title above would echo - instead of "Shark Attack" it would be "Sark Attack".
     "Tell us, Conrad, tell us what your peculiar yet inventive mind conjured up!" I hear you asking**. 
     Well, okay.

The Tring (after the town, if you hail from abroad***)


Cream
The Frog
Marshmalloween
The Hunting (amended to "The Shunting" as "The Hunting" was still a bit scary)
Planet Error
The Evil Bread
Hallboy
Hallboy and the Golden Arm
Frankinsencestein

     You get the idea.  I had to drag myself away and get ready for work, or I'd probably still be there, cackling with amusement.

Further Of Films
There was a bit of a backlog of these to be reviewed in our inimical BOOJUM! style - that is, shallow as a desert stream - and here's the rest of them, plus a couple of odds and sods which don't quite fit in anywhere else. 
"The Death of Stalin":  Ah!  Now this I look forward to seeing, probably next week, for as you know Conrad is a fearful bore on the subject of history, especially the grim tales of the Sinister empire under "That little sod with the moustache" as Stalin was known - although not in public, as you could and would be sent to do ten year's hard labour in a camp for that crack (see "A Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovitch" by Alex Sol).  One rather sniffy critic condemned it by saying "You wouldn't make a crude comedy about the death of Hitler, would you?  Well why would you make a crude comedy about the death of Stalin?"

Er -

     He's probably a disgruntled Commie, pining for the Sinister Empire.  Oh, and as for mocking Josef Dzugashvili (his real name) -

Already done!

     Ha!  Take that, you Commie sympathiser!
"Daddy's Home 2": Oh dear.  A sequel, and one that lacks the wit or imagination to vary the title.  It was, sadly, inevitable given that the predecessor made $150 million on a $50 million budget.  Hopefully this horrid thing will die a lonely box-office death and we'll not be troubled by a third iteration.  But I fear the worst.
     "Despicable Me 3":  Hmmm.  Conrad is not entirely sure that the lead character here is all that despicable, really.  He takes in orphan girls, for one thing.  He also appears to be responsible for allowing minions to get an inflated opinion of their own importance, something that your humble hack disagrees with on a fundamental level.  I cannot afford to let Art, Oscar or Mister Hand think that they actually matter!
     So in that sense, yes, despicable.


Now, that's how you treat your minions.  Take note, Art.

"Gran Turismo":  It's that Dog Buns computer racing game again.  

Look!  Look at it, infesting an entire building, the evil little swine.  Conrad rarely drives nowadays and doesn't miss it one bit; contending with idiot drivers, roadworks, traffic jams, bus lane cameras, terminal homing diving attacks by smart munitions and kamikaze seagulls - no thanks.
      Bah!


*  Don't worry, they won't bite, the motley tastes horrid.
**  Or is that the party in my head?
*** I feel your pain

"Hay!  You came through for me - thanks, Conrad."