Much Of The Rump

No!  This Is Not About The Parliament

 - , so-named, of 1648.  Although, since that was terribly British, and the origin of "Rump" in that meaning, a short discursion is in order.  You do want to know all about 'The Mother Of All Parliaments', don't you?  Even the seedier bits*?  Fine, we'll continue.

     Before the Rump, we had the Long Parliament, which sat before and during the English Civil War, from 1640 until 1648.  At this point it was decided by those in power that they would try King Charles I for High Treason.  At this point your humble scribe is at a loss to know the difference between mere normal ordinary everyday treason, which implies it's not worth a jury getting out of bed for, and the sinister, nay eeevil HIGH Treason, which puts you at risk of shedding your head in an involuntary manner.

Thus

     Thus it was for Charlie One.  If found guilty he would get beheaded, which is a point where members of the Long Parliament began to feel distinctly queasy.  After all, it's not everyday that the King of England gets the chop, is it?  They do this sort of thing all the time off in Johnny-foreigner land, but not here in England!

     The New Model Army, who are a library in their own right, came along and decided that, if you were at all wobbly on the prospect of Charlie One's bonce decorating a pike at Traitor's Gate, then you were not fit to be in Parliament.  End result, a purge, and what was left of the Long Parliament thus became the "Rump" or remnant.

Lest there be any doubt

The Monochrome Set
Congratulations to anyone out there who remembers The Monochrome Set, who formed, split, reformed, split, reformed and are still going strong.  Post-punk, if you wish to classify them as anything.

The Set, looking very monochromatic

     Of course - you were expecting this, weren't you? - this has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of this post, as I am referring to that trilogy of tat about various Shades of Grey. Grey being monochrome, you see**, specifically "50 Shades of Grey".
     Here an aside.  It's possible to judge the quality of a written work by seeing how many times it turns up on the shelves of charity shops, as people hastily divest themselves of something they'll never read again, if they even finished it in the first place.  So it is with FSOG; a conspicuous presence on those very shelves.

World's comfiest shoulder?

     Anyway, today we look at the Flophouse's podcast review of the film FSOG.  They are quite welcome to, it's apparently a very poorly-written book (see shelves above) -  I shall not grace it with the term "Novel" - that was made into a pretty poor film.
     Now, I shall have to be careful here in order to remain SFW as the subject matter of both film and book is in the realm of <ahem> "Rumpy-Pumpy", where the "Rump" part is relevant.

Like this butt*** human

     Dan and the team then improv along the line of "Butts", of which there seem to be plenty.  

The only kind we dare show

Dan then created a series of fictional soft-core porn magazines, all to do with The Butt, 

Okay, not the only kind we dare show

including one that reduced your humble scribe to fits of laughter - "Split Hams" - plus a plaintive and anguished call of despair from one who had purchased this perverted publication of posteriors, bleating "Butt*** I thought it was about food!"

Pork porn?

     All of which is infinitely more entertaining than the film, which sounds a crashing bore.

My Presents.  Mine!  Still Mine!
These are what I got as a present from Anna, that princess amongst women, and yah boo sucks to all of you who didn't get a present from her.  I realise that this is most of the population of Planet Earth and yes, I am boasting.  I shan't go on much as it might embarrass the lass.  Art?

     I shall be popping down to the kitchen shortly to sample those cheeses, don't you worry.  The mulled wine will have to wait until February 1st because -

You May Hear More Of This
Conrad, by the time you read this, will be on day 5 of Sober For January.  This will simultaneously alarm and impress the bar staff at The Pleasant Inn later tonight at the Pub Quiz, for, sooth, will this not affect their profit margins?

Well-named

     Yes, I suppose, except at £1.95 per pint it can't decrease their takings too much.  We shall see if either my wit or reflexes are any better sans alcohol.  Personally I don't predict any great improvement.  I am 153 years old, after all.

*  Especially the seedier bits!
**  Is this clever, or reaching a bit?
*** Do you see what - O you do.