Yours Truly, Mister Sad

That's Me, By The Way
A badge I wear with pride!  When I say "Sad" you might hear "Geekish nerdy pedant", whereas I hear "Detail-checking committed researcher".  As evidence of this, may I put forward my notes as taken during Bake Off?  I can?  Thank you so much!  Art?

All my own work

     This is from the 12th October, which is why I've kept the text relatively small, as it contains one or two spoilers.  Impressive, isn't it?  NO IT IS NOT SAD!  IT'S IMPRESSIVE!
     Conrad's slightly obsessive note-taking is the reason my notebook is nearing the end of it's working life, and it's only been in use since 25th August.  I rather wonder if I should keep these old notebooks in a secure place, ready for them to be collected and published in the near future by my biographers.  Or not.  Given my habits and practices any such biography would definitely be rated an 18.

Bake Off - 6th October Edition
At this point those present consisted of: Andrew, Selasi, Benjamina, Jane, Candice and Tom.  You should know already who got Star Baker and who Went Home; however, because I am feeling merciful I shall refrain from naming names until the end of this item.  You can thank me later.
     The theme was "Desserts".  Not so much 'Just' as 'All of these?' and then some, as there were 156 of them in the end, surely enough even for those notorious gannets Mel and Sue to feel surfeited.  Don't forget, against the clock, under scrutiny and with only half a recipe.  No pressure then!
     Signature: A family-sized Roulade in 90 minutes.  You might call this a Swiss Roll, and Conrad has tried to make them on occasion, only for them to split and crack.  The trick is to roll them whilst still hot to avoid cracking.  

Rolled roulade

     Tom, with his Millionaire's version, felt unhappy with his first sponge, binned it and started again, which automatically puts him up against the clock - 90 minutes, remember.  It ended up looking rather rubbish, even if it tasted good.  Selasi's Summer Picnic, combining lemon and strawberry, was judged really good.  Benjamina's Pina Colada would have turned your humble scribe's stomach - he hates pineapple above all earthly things - but the judges liked it.  No accounting for taste, one supposes.  Andrew made his Tropical Holiday with stripes, which helped it taste better.  First bite with the eye and all that.  Jane and Candice did less well, because there was too much alcohol in Jane's and Candice's HAD A CRACK!

Someone doesn't look happy, do they?

    Technical: This was a 4-layer rectangular French cake whose name I didn't catch.  Typical Technical, half the instructions missing, in what was a rather fiddly baking challenge.  It had meringue, ganache, nuts and praline in it, if you insist on knowing.  Mel went off to France to look at pralines and I am happy for my licence to pay for this excursion.
     In order of excellence: Andrew, Candice, Benjamina, Jane, Tom, Selasi.

Jane working on this hideous nutty nameless nemesis

     Showstopper:  24 mini mousse cakes, 2 x 12 flavours, in 4 hours.  The judges pointed out that mousse texture was important, whilst Conrad pointed out that all the recipes used were highly complicated!  At this point you're halfway through the competition and the game has been significantly upped from the start, and how.  How did they come out?
     Jane = really good; Selasi = mousse too solid but the passionfruit was lovely; Candice = too stiff and more like a cream than a mousse; Andrew = stunning appearance, divine and fantastic; Tom = rubbish by comparison.
     So, Star Baker = Andrew and it was Tom who Went Home. Goodbye to the local lad.

Andrew, king of all he surveys

Enough of desserts, they are making me hungry!  What next?  Oh yes, this will all make sense on Facebook and Twitter.

Mobile Canadian Traffic Hazard
In the interests of public safety in Canada, and some bits of South Canada, Conrad would like to draw your attention to this particular beast:

A Moose

     These suckers are big, beefy individuals, who like to trot across roadways whilst being completely ignorant of the Highway Code.  Colliding with 3/4 of a ton of moose is guaranteed to wreck your day, and your car, too.  Art?

The moose did not miss

     Be alert when in a High Risk moose zone!

Cheese Thief
Do not be deceived by the cute face and winning behaviour!  The below is a sinister and unwelcome version of vermin.  Art?

Only 10 digits in total?

     Although some people are hard to convince.  Art?

Deeply disturbing

     This is wrong in so many ways.