Happy Despite The Time

That Time Being Early Sunday Evening
When one's thoughts turn to work on Monday morning, which will be more of a wrench for your humble scribe than most, as I've been off work for two weeks.  Not, please, "on holiday" as I was the Designated Dogsitter for most of that time, and I take my responsibilities seriously.  Walkies twice a day, remaining in the house bar the weekly shop, acting as the Human-Shaped Cushion I so triumphantly pass for.  Etcetera.
     "Gosh, how exhausting, Conrad, we feel your pain.  Whinging rascal," I hear you comment.  "And where does the "happy" come from?  You are notoriously difficult to make mirthful, unless it involves a cat sitting on a Roomba."

Sheer hilarity!  

     Happy for a few reasons.  For the first time in many weeks I went down to Royton, the mildly-transgressing small township, to have a trawl around the Co-Op and Lidl.  I wasn't going to bother with Lidl until I realised I'd forgotten the sandwich bags and binliners.  Not a wasted journey as I have a few nibbles to sustain my state of happiness.  Art?

Spicy crisps, crystallised ginger, fig rolls and Mentos

     All the major food groups.  
     Typically, this has nothing to do with the rest of the post.  What cheered me up was re-discovering "The Darwin Awards" website, because I thought it had gone toes-up ages ago.  Not so.  Herein the link:

http://www.darwinawards.com/

     Imagine "You've Been Framed" except a lot of the participants end up killing themselves.  Which, I admit, is not going to make great family entertainment, yet if you get a certain stunned disbelief and amusement from reading how insanely stupid some of Hom. Sap. are, this is the website for you.  The idea is that these idiots remove themself from the gene pool, ensuring that the human race marches on.
     Not only that, I also discovered that The Smoking Popes are back together again.  Admittedly, they reformed in 2005, so BOOJUM! is a bit behind the times.  Given the lead guitarist's conversion to Christianity and rejection of the rock 'n' roll lifestyle, Conrad never expected to see them back again.  
     Here's "I Need You Around" which I first encountered on the "Clueless" soundtrack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRd9TCip7Es

More thoughtless than clueless, really

     And I think that's enough of the bluebird of happiness. 

"Z Nation" Redux
I had to split this post up because otherwise the entirety of the previous blog entry would have been nothing but "Z Nation".  Not everyone is as focussed and dedicated as your modest artisan, you need variety in your posts or risk alienating the audience (that's you, in case you were looking around, wondering).
     Okay, The Man orders "The Kraken" to be released, which turns out to be zombies with armour-plating over their heads.

Sic

     This simple counter-measure utterly defeats everyone in the compound, because you can't finish them off with a head-shot.  Maybe not, but they can't bite you either.  Also, why not knee-cap them?  Or, you know, thinking outside the box, SHOOT THE MAN!
     Nor is that all.  Art?

Look at that.

     Well now, who knew that a modest television production needed four directors?  Not only that, why is one of them a "Second Second" assistant director?  Shouldn't that be "Third" assistant director?
     The most bizarre thing comes right at the end in the form of a disclaimer.  

Blah blah blah

     Okay, I understand that some viewers think that "Coronation Street" is a documentary, whilst others don't realise that "Doctor Who" is a dramatic re-enactment.  Asking me to believe that people would confuse a deteriorating post-apocalyptic landscape infested with zombies with real life is a bit of a stretch, frankly.
     That's enough Z for one night.  There may be more tomorrow, depending on how merciful I feel.

"The Punic Wars" By Brian Caven
We have now reached the year 210 B.C. with war present in Spain, Italy, Greece, Macedonia and North Africa.  Carthage, as usual, is being slothful and neglectful.  Rome, on the other hand, is fighting very much to her limit everywhere, except where Hannibal is.  The Eternal City is raising fleets and rowers and legions and auxiliaries endlessly, but they dare not tackle Hannibal head-on.  He is easily the best commander the Carthaginians have, being a military genius.  When the Romans fight him, they lose, so - they avoid fighting him, allowing him to march around Italy pretty much as he likes.

Hannibal.  Not a cannibal, but - you wouldn't want to cross him, hm?

     One is reminded of Napoleon in Russia, when the Ruffians avoided fighting if at all possible.
     Sadly for the Romans, Generals Mud and Winter are far, far less effective in sunny Southern Italy than in Southern Russia.

Proof