No Respite From The Sight

Yes, More On Spite Houses!
This really does seem to be primarily a South Canadian thing, and with a long history, too.  Nor is it still an affectation of the distant past.  

The pride of Gaylordville!

     We, the audience, can enjoy a sense of Schedenfreude at the expense of those being plotted against, and also the logic-light loonies lavishing lucre and who obsess about access.

This one - well, gay lord is also applicable -

     Although the one above spites the Westboro Baptist Church across the street, so that's okay.
     Having gone through a rather short Intro, let us proceed on our mincing dancing feet!

Bake Off - Before Wednesday 26th October 2016!
Yes, your humble scribe is working at flank speed to get this review out there before next week's episode, which is the last one.
     Here an aside - I shall be grateful for GBBO disappearing because, if yours truly is bothering to attend the Pub Quiz of a Thursday, there's no time to bake a cake for the office termagants of a Friday morning.  This has to be done on a Wednesday, with Bake Off squarely in the middle of my baking time.
     Bear in mind that there are only 4 contestants left in this episode, so the cameras and judges and presenters all have LOTS more time to circulate amongst this reduced field.  Conrad somehow doubts this helps build confidence and self-assurance.  Anyway -

     Signature:  24 savoury Palmiers*, in 2 lots of 12, within 3 hours.  These are made with layered puff pastry and the judges wanted to see definite layers and a nice crisp pastry.  What did they get?  Well in order of achievement:
     Andrew - ditched his first lot of pastry and re-started, which put him up against the clock.  End result - one lot very good, one lot - er - "half-good".
     Candice: possibly too thick and not proper Palmiers, though with good flavour.
     Jane - Underdone but tasty.
     Selasi - Underdone.  Oh dear.

Candice suffering.
Well, a little bit of it is said to be good for the soul ...

     Technical:  To make a Savarin, which is a French sweet yeasted cake, in 2.5 hours, which is pushing it when you need to take proving time into account.  Which, as this is the technical, had been omitted from recipes.  Both judges said that proving would be crucial, as would be how far the liqueur soaked into the sponge.  And on that - "Make a syrup," quoted Selasi a little forlornly, "Full stop."
     And in descending order:
     Jane - good colour, neat and tidy but undersoaked
     Andrew - underproved (what did they expect!) and a little overdone
     Candice - Underproved and too close a texture. Tho' her chocolate writing was good.
     Selasi - Coloured differently and unsoaked.  Mary Berry fainted in coils at his NOT peeling the membrane off his decorative orange.

The ideal - not done against the clock with people hovering, I bet!

Showstopper:  36 fondant fancies, in 2 lots of 18, in 4.5 hours.
     The bakers had to make a sponge, cut it up, slather it in buttercream and the ice it with fondant, the buttercreaming bit being IMPORTANT, Jane!

What they expext

     Andrew - a stunning presentation (as his tend to be).  Some leakage of jam but good sponge, good texture and good flavour.  Good all round!
     Candice - slightly messy but absolutely delicious with wonderful flavours
     Jane - omitted the buttercream on the sides of her fancies, which the judges noticed instantly and condemned just as quickly.  The tops were okay.
     Selasi - after a comment from Mary about sifting flour, the lad binned his sponge and started again from scratch.  His sponge was, as a result, excellent but the icing was messy and uneven.

1)  Do not do it on a nationally-televised programme with judges in attendance

Star Baker = Andrew, who had the good grace to look gobsmacked at the result.
Going Home = Selasi, who didn't have a very good week.  Sorry, old chap!

A Pome About Poison
More of a medicine than a poison, as it turned out.  Take it away poetaster!

I thought on the matter of poison

"Foxglove" would offer good prospect.

It's actually not all that noisome,

Something I didn't really expect.

This plant abounds in the chemical "Digitalis",

Used to regulate those weak of heart.

When your Cupid's pump due to fail, is,

Foxglove extract will make it jump start.

Now, it's not entirely risk-free in nature,

Or this rhyme would be shorter in length.

For any children or those shorter of stature,

And those feeble or lacking in strength,

Dining on fresh Foxglove as fodder

Will speed you to the Pearly Gates.

Your ticker will dance, it will not dodder, 

As digitalis a heart-attack creates.

A sight to gladden the heart, or even make it beat a little faster ...

     Thank you.  All my own work.

Finally
Ah, how my new Best Friend Forever coincidentally arrives when there is food in the offing.  Pure chance, I'm sure.

Loyal hound entirely unaware of food on settee.

*  What?